Dating Thread 147 - Double Dating Anyone?

[TooOldForThis67]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Sounds like a great date Auba. Oh Love how bad he didn't remember you

2nd date fixed for next Saturday night - am excited about it already

No, I didn't reveal where I live!
& no, batshit he's not from London.

He is, unfortunately for him about to be turfed out of my bed in a good way

Previous iron messaged me today wanting another chance and was very complimentary but it's a no had a nice friendly chat though.
Have date arranged with Mr Substitute for the weekend

Well, the woman who lives 300km from me gave me her number and suggested we meet up the week after next!! 😊

Well done thesea fingers crossed.

So things took an unexpected turn tonight and I’m back on the apps. My iron said he wasn’t in a place to tell his ex and kids he was dating until the summer.

Feel like shit. I had started to have the feels and thought we were on the same page. Clearly not.

Fuck.

NotCool, does it matter?
My ex doesn't know I'm dating. He suspects, but he doesn't know and I've no plans to tell him. We live separately and it's a permanent split so I'd be surprised if one of my irons cared?

If I get to 3 months or so with one I will probably declare myself but no need in the early days really. Why rock the boat

We’ve been 2 months and he said not until the summer so over 6 months. I’m a grown woman who is free to date. I don’t want to feel like the OW or a dirty secret. If he’s not ready to tell his ex/kids then surely he isn’t moved on?

Can I join.. I’ve been on Bumble and had a completely rubbish date the other week. Now chatting to two guys: runner bean and ski man. I like the sound of ski man but it turns out he lives miles and miles away though he’s keen to meet but I can’t see how that distance would work
Runner bean is in a different emergency service to me but on the same location so must have crossed paths. Know some of the same people. I like the other guy but I FANCY this one. Nervous because i can see myself getting nervous - repeating nervous out of nervousness . Runner bean is much closer and near to my work but both have kids and work shifts. He’s asked to meet Tuesday 8pm. Argh

notcool - so have you ended it? I was in a similar position with MrWow, 9mths in and I finished with him. I felt like a dirty secret too. Hindsight is a funny thing but I don't think he was ready for a relationship.
Upyerbum - Welcome. I've had a few dates with shift workers and it's difficult to keep the momentum going . Good luck for Tuesday.

Thanks tooold - least we both know what shift work is like. And he’s close to my work so I could easily bob over to his... not that
I’m overthinking... I’m a bit giddy. Genuinely thought this feeling would never happen again.just hope we both like what we see.

Sorry for not replying to everyone! Sunday night insomnia is rearing it's head and I do want to get some sleep!

Just wanted to say @Notcoolmum - please don't make any calls yet. I think around the 4 month mark is reasonable to mention a new partner to ex and kids and then it be a gradual thing with meeting the kids. Maybe you can speak to him and make a compromise? If you're in it for the long run it's just a few months?

I’ve finished it. He’s talking at least 6 months before he tells his ex and kids. And who knows what he will say if we got there. So all that time I’m developing feelings and he’s keeping his in check?

@Notcoolmum are you sure that's what you want? I only introduced my new partner to my kids at around the 6 month mark and there was no reason to tell my ex until I did that.
2 months is still very early days so it would make sense to wait

I didn't even tell my ex I was dating (he has a new partner so tbh, it's none of his business) and telling kids after 2 months is WAY too soon in my eyes. You cannot subject dcs to your dating shit - and 2 months is properly early days - otherwise they think you have a roundabout of men/women coming in and out of their lives. Only worth doing once they are at the 'about to move in' or 'very serious' stage! This is even more so true for partners who don't have the dcs as resident dcs - so where they may only see their dcs every other weekend.

notcool totally get your point. To clarify...he was saying he didn't reckon he would be ready by summer. Which is 6 months after you started seeing each other? It might be hard for him to make that call now....but I can see why you don't want to be waiting 4 months for someone to decide if it's serious or not

So, chatting to MrTeacher yesterday, and he wants to meet again for sex. I'm starting to think that that might be about it for him, so I think I'm going to ask him bluntly. I thought I could do just sex, but with him I don't think I can. I feel like I'd like more than that from him, and I don't want to put myself in the situation where I get hurt. Think I'd rather just know for sure and move on than deal with the uncertainty.

The stupid thing is, I've gone into this whole OLD thing, just thinking that I'd like just a casual thing, no full relationship. And that's how I'd approached other dates/potential dates. But then someone came along who, for reasons I can't even explain, made me feel differently.

Notcool I totally get you I’d rather know early as know I’d get hurt or over invest.

I had a random wa last night from an old iron who didn’t want a relationship in summer. Just ignored as thought best not to get into discussion. He was probably just horny! Tempting. When bf still away and I’m feeling a bit wobbly.

Then I had a horrible dream that slept with ex. What is wrong with my brain!!

TheSheep the casual thing only works really if you see them as a friend rather than feeling like it could develop into something else. You may be able to do just sex with someone else, but not Mr Teacher - I feel for you 😕 Definitely have that conversation with him.

Notcool I do understand why you finished it. We weren't party to the conversation, but I'm assuming it wasn't just what he said, but also the way he said it. I was kept very much at arm's length from someone I had a year long relationship with - we both have adult children. His were very disapproving that he was dating, and his daughter was cross because he might not be available for babysitting 😕 I ended it in the end because it made me feel dreadful.

Morning everyone. Those with kids at home this week, let the fun begin! Lol.
notcool and Daffo - I think the fact that many men are not the resident parent and then dating adds to the feeling like they are abandoning the kids. Daft really as they are entitled to a life and to move on. When I was with MrWow we had to avoid certain areas of town and I only met his sister and friends during 9mths. It hurt. So, notcool you have probably done the right thing, not that you need us to tell you that of course.

Placemarking. I haven't been on the apps since before Christmas and I'm getting a bit too cosy with my fwb I need to get another fwb and/or out on some dates.

Mr SA wanted me to see him today but I have kids home 😞, told him I will see him next week. It’s tricky when kids are off school (I’m trying to juggle work and spending time with kids). I’m not planning on introducing Mr SA to my kids any time soon, I don’t want to scare him off and I don’t want to introduce anyone to the dc’s unless I’m sure it’s a long term thing, at the moment I am unsure where things are going with him, we have planned our next date and we will have to have ‘the talk’ soon.

Also trying to keep my options open so I am still active on Tinder and POF. I’m too scared to put all my eggs in one basket at this point.

Talk about jumping ahead, MrBE has just invited me and my son on a holiday in August (on his boat to somewhere hot), won't cost me a penny! I knew he was going and he's not short of a bob or two.
I suppose if nothing else, it shows he's serious about me.
Such an unexpected offer after our disasterous night together! Lol.