He doesn’t know if he’ll ever be satisfied by one woman

[CeeCee58]

I would really appreciate some advice from you all regarding how you would feel if your boyfriend/partner/husband said this.

I have been with my boyfriend for five years. Recently, I have been thinking that I need more from him, as he is emotionally cold and has never said he loves me.

Today I asked him if he ever thought about having another woman and he quite enthusiastically told me that he sometimes thinks it would be good to have women with various different attributes as his girlfriend. I don’t have any of these attributes he mentioned.

I then asked him if he thought one woman would ever be enough for him. He told me that he didn’t know and that he thought it was human nature to always want something different.

At no point did he say he was happy with what he’s got.

I do appreciate his honesty, as he is nothing if not honest and I know I asked the question and I shouldn’t have asked if I don’t want to hear the answer.

I do want to hear the answer but it makes me think that we are never going to go anywhere. My self esteem is really low since we got together and this just made me feel terrible - like I am always going to be on permanent probation almost until someone ‘different’ comes along.

Am I overreacting? The thing that I thought when I was wondering if I want someone different is that it would be lovely to have someone who loves and cares about me and doesn’t treat me like an inconvenience.

Thanks for listening. I’m sorry this is a bit of a pity party but I don’t have anyone in RL to talk to about this.

when I read the title of your thread, I thought he's a man-child.

Then I read your first post and I think you're a convenient female for him but not at all someone he really loves. Overreacting? no way, you're not reacting enough. Even if you were, so what?

MitziK said it perfectly, he might want more than one woman but he has no idea how to treat even one right.

He is a total prick. You sound lovely though.

Thanks everyone. I’m finding it a little difficult. I am working from home now until Tuesday.

Have you broken up with him?

If you have or do, you should be able to go no contact and avoid him at work. If he hassles you there (or the grounds outside work) your HR department can advise.

He wants a (an?) harem. Do you want to be a part of his/anyone’s harem? That’s pretty much a black and white way to look at it: yes or no.

No.

He’s not the man you thought he was (or could’ve been). The relationship did not pan out to be compatible with the kind of relationship you want. Sometimes this can be discovered in a matter of hours/days/weeks; but sometimes it takes awhile for the true intentions to be exposed.

It is fantastic that you have ended the relationship. Well done! But now there is a void so fill it with things “all about you”.

It is tough that you have to see him at work. Learn from this and think hard about never dating from your workplace again.

Imho, you now need to emotionally detach. You have physically detached-now the emotional side is necessary. Stop caring what he personally (as opposed to professionally if you are subordinate) thinks. Stop caring what he does. Professional civility at all times. Blank him. He is not worth another second of your time. Drop the rope, turn the channel, metaphorically put him on a hot air balloon and launch it into the upper stratosphere never to be seen again. Bye-bye. Done and dusted, now...move forward.

The Holy Grail is indifference. Angst and anger (even that which he displays) is still a connection, as well as your fear that his emotional displays are directed at you. He is publicly punishing you.

Be oblivious to it...to a point.

If others in your workplace comment, then you might consider taking it to HR regarding hostile work environment. I am not a corporate professional so hopefully someone else can better advise you on that point. But this is really why you should never get personally involved with professional colleagues. That’s the phrase: don’t shit where you eat.

I am so sorry! I misread- I presumed (that you ended it) too much in your having some space from him.

Another thing to consider is his unprofessionalism...the sulking behavior at work. No. Don’t be associated with that.

Send a text and block. Make it official; only then can you begin to heal.