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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Am I right to think he's abusive/nuts and I need help?

159 replies

TripTrapTripTrapOverTheBridge · 04/02/2019 15:18

Ok, I'll start by saying I feel like the worlds biggest idiot writing this. Single for 8 years raising severely autistic son alone (don't worry he's in supported living now, not here, an intelligent woman but one who also has a tendancy to numb anything upsetting and just get on with it.

I've been with him a month. He kept visiting work to see me and ask me out. From day 3 he was telling me he loved me, showered me with affection, made me feel great.

A month in and I can't get rid. He insists on staying at my house every night and won't leavr when I tell him. IfI try to call anyone ge takes my phone. He then turns it on me saying I just can't believe anyone would want me because I'm fat and he's done enough to prove he likes me..

He threatens me if I try to break up with him or ask for time to myself. He's threatened to have my dog savaged,to put me to sleep permamently, that I'd be 'gotten' by him and his alleged rough mates, he'll getme sacked, tell everyone I'm pregnant (?!)...

He drinks every day. Didn't for 2 weeks but came back fast.

When he's nice he's lovely but he turns very quickly.

He meets me at work, even when i don't want him to, and ends up in my house refusing to leave. He even takes over the tv and my phone and punches the sofa if I dare complain about it. He shouts that I should get a TV package that suits him (yes, really) and many other things.

He likes to try and manipulate. He'll turn up screwing one side of his face up asking if I notice anything different and saying he's been punched in the eye for me. He's not a good actor! He'll try that and claiming there are fights and various other nonsense to try and get me to agree for him to stay at mine?!

I've known there is something wrong for the past 2 weeks. Been terrified but also doubting myself Blush which is stupid, I know!

I couldn't bury my head any more when it came to another night when i wanted him gone (and I've barely slept for weeks as he won't leave and stays up until early hours watching tv and not letting me sleep -he doesn't work but pretends he does).

He was watching his stupid tva programmes and was shouting, proper angry shouting not typical 'you idiot' stuff some people do at the tv. He was shouting aggressively because a boy in hospital was asking for his mum. Apparently this is unacceptable because his dad was there. He was really going livid. He decided his mother must be off partying and going on a out how disgusting it is that he wants his mum when his dad is there and the dad ust be devastated. I tried pointing out he wanted his mum because she wasn't there and him and his dad were obviously close,he just wanted his mum too and would probably ask for his dad in opposite scenario. Nope. Not at all.apparently all women are evil. He said he wants to get me pregnant and then he'll take the baby away and never let me see it. Apparently this is what women do to men! He's said a few times he wants to get me pregnant.

I told him I wanted him to leave and he ignored me. Told him again and again, he took my phone and tried to smash it, tried throwing the tv remote through the window, threatened repeatedly that if he ended up having to go that he would get me sacked and I had to watch out because I would be gotten. I was hyperventilating and thought he was about to hurt me. I caved and let him stay through fear.

Following day said I needed space and I wanted the entire night and following day to myself. He flipped. Then agreed. The. He turned up at work and wouldn't leave my house when i got home. Insisted on next 2 days and he just turns up on my doorstep. His sister warned me he was visiting 'because he knows you need space but he loves you' ?!

His sister has advised me to phone the police if he doesn't go away.

I'm planning to contact them this afternoon as I know he'll be on my doorstep tonight.

I'm not being an idiot am I? This really isn't fucking normal and I'm right to be scared?

OP posts:
TripTrapTripTrapOverTheBridge · 05/02/2019 16:41

No they didn't, I don't think they had checked at that point as didn't have his d.o.b and address. Officer did say she wouldn't be surprised if he's known. She said she'd call within half an hour for his sister and mothers phone numbers to track him down if he wasn't known to them (I only know the street he suposedly lives in). That was an hour ago so thinking he may well be known. They said his sisters responses suggested he has form too

OP posts:
Whywonttheyletmeusemyusername · 05/02/2019 16:41

This is my ex....absolute fucking fruitloop. Do not give in....he will not change. If police ask you to escalate...do it. Go to court...get the restraining order. ...do not give in op. Good luck

TripTrapTripTrapOverTheBridge · 05/02/2019 16:43

mummyto be honest, when he arrived on friday I was hoping he d be normal and apologise and say he has such and such illness and would be fine with ending it. Kinda glad he was still a freak then tbh as he may have cornered me into giving him another chance!

OP posts:
coppercolouredtop · 05/02/2019 16:45

Op just call 999 ffs when he does this and refuses to leave.

WhereAreAllTheUsernames · 05/02/2019 16:47

Glad you've spoken to police

coppercolouredtop · 05/02/2019 16:50

I hadn't rtft....

Well done op.

If he turns up dial 999 and DO Not ENGAGE!!!

ImNotKitten · 05/02/2019 16:51

Glad the police are taking it seriously and you’ve recognised how dangerous he is too. Make sure people around you are aware so they can look out for you too.

Holidayshopping · 05/02/2019 16:56

Crikey-that is so scary. Will the police get back to you after they’ve been to see him?

Tractortod · 05/02/2019 17:02

Gosh this is chilling. OP, can anyone come and stay with you? Flowers

bibliomania · 05/02/2019 17:12

Well done for getting the arrangements in place, OP. Sounds like he'll move on to his next victim pretty quickly.

HazelBite · 05/02/2019 17:42

Stay safe OP, take all precautions you need to.
I'm sure he has done this before, people don't suddenly start behaving like that out of the blue.

Ginger153 · 05/02/2019 18:24

Well done glad the police have acted so quickly.

Fuckingnamechanging · 05/02/2019 18:37

Sorry OP. I thought this was a joke thread because of your user name.

NottonightJosepheen · 05/02/2019 18:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TripTrapTripTrapOverTheBridge · 05/02/2019 19:01

Aha! Many years ago, 10+, when I was a member of nethuns ;) (who then got booted for not being of the fluffy hun variety!) there was a spate of mumsnetters coming over and trolling netmums, around the time of a spin off forum called bitchfest. A few of us came over here to pay you all back. So indeed, my username was originally used to troll you all GrinBlush

I've since found a much better home over here Smile

OP posts:
mummymayhem18 · 05/02/2019 19:09

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

TripTrapTripTrapOverTheBridge · 05/02/2019 19:11

mummy you've misread that!

This thread is absolutely not bullshit. It is entirely true and I've been posting on mumsnet as a genuine member for many years!

OP posts:
mummymayhem18 · 05/02/2019 19:25

Apologies, was thrown by that. I hope you manage to get rid of the nutjob. If he does come near you,record anything for proof for the police,pictures etc. Good luck. I hope you will be ok. X

Rememory · 05/02/2019 19:36

Shit scared reading this OP. This man sounds dangerous, glad you've got the police involved. Please follow advise and don't engage with him call the police instead.

PolkaDoting · 05/02/2019 19:51

Oh god, I do hope he backs off when he sees you have the police involved.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 06/02/2019 08:16

TripTrap stop trying to justify and explain yourself! That's what got you into this bloke's sights in the first place. You sound very nice and a little unsure!

Practice being assertive with posters who question your veracity Grin

Fmlgirl · 06/02/2019 16:52

I’ve had something very similar happen and the guy spends very similar. I won’t lie to you, I only dated this guy for three months but the stalking after, threats and insults went on for probably about year after. He also turned up at my work. A policeman friend offered to go round to his house and I refused. I really wish I had involved the police a lot sooner so that should be your first step. He eventually stopped stalking me when he found someone else.

Jellyfloodagain · 06/02/2019 17:08

I'm glad you've contacted the police he sounds unhinged and very dangerous.

TripTrapTripTrapOverTheBridge · 07/02/2019 14:24

Barely slept last night terrified of today as back at work this afternoon/evening. Dog went nuts at the door twice night but I didn't see anyone so may have been the wind banging something.

However went to local post office this morning and there were people in their talking about him and stories he's coming out with (apparently he's now decided he plays for the citys professional football team!!), bare in mind these are people I don't know and it transpires one is his neigh our...he's been telling everyone in the area we live in that I'm pregnant with his child!!! I now have no doubt that he's carried out his threat and has also done the same where I work.

For the record,I am NOT pregnant!

OP posts:
hellsbellsmelons · 07/02/2019 15:08

For the record,I am NOT pregnant!
Nope, but he will tell everyone you are then.
Then he can tell them what you a monster you are because you killed 'his baby' etc... etc.....
You know how it goes.
Ignore it all. If anyone questions you then just laugh.

It was very windy last night so hopefully the dog was barking at that.
See how it goes tonight and if you feel threatened at all then call 999.