Long time lurker here.
Been seeing guy for around a year.
I'm a townie and he's a country man, as is his main friend. They are very ... small town minded and conservative (strict Catholic upbringing) but it never caused much of a problem before.
A while back myself and partner were discussing our misspent youths and the silliest stuff we got up to, and I said I'd really stupidly (and immorally) got drawn into shoplifting with my best friend at the time (around 19/20). He seemed surprised but didn't say much. I thought no more about it. I'm now 36 incidentally.
He can be lazy at times ( and busy with his kids) and has regularly asked me to get cash from the machine with his card; because he didn't want to park the car up properly, because he was busy in the house etc etc and I did, thinking nothing if it.
About a month ago he said to me with an odd look that his money seemed to be flying out of his account these days, he always thought he should have more in there, and he couldn't figure out where it was going. I immediately started to realise what direction the conversation was going and starting mentally berating myself for leaving myself open to this by going and getting cash for him. I was also angry obviously, but all I said was 'if you can't explain where your money is going you need to get a grasp on your finances immediately, get your statements (he's a technophobe who doesn't online bank) go through them with a fine tooth comb and figure it out.
He looked relieved (I think), nodded and said v. little more about it.
Fast forward another almost month and, while visiting his best friend, I've realised (though it took me a day or two afterward) that it's crystal clear he's told him about my shoplifting when young and about his suspicions!!! I feel like he let his friend ambush me about it.
Aside from the betrayal, and someone thinking I've done something I haven't; this is a very small town and if he/they gossips, my name will be blackened. I'm really angry bug haven't confronted him yet. I feel like going to the police or a solicitor - but how exactly do I proceed that it was at his request that I took cash out?!
I feel naive and stupid and like I can't continue the relationship.