Not sure where to begin, so let's move back in time a bit- say to 2004.
We met, it's been great, all blows and whistles, she moved in next year, all great, both busy working, I popped a question in 2007 (who knows why, just felt like something that was supposed to happen- she wasn't in any way pushing for anything). Got married in 2008, begun renting a house from a bank :), first child in 2009, second in 2011.
In the meanwhile I happened to be unlucky enough to be made redundant- it's been hell- trying to get Mrs Organic Waitrose/ Ocado/ John Lewis to get reality check and just reduce spending- as far as she was concerned it just wasn't possible. Explaining that we can not spend more than we bring in was just too upsetting for her(she was looking after kids). I tried to give in here and there but it was always too much to bear for her. After second child sex practically ceased to exist (It has been super extra phenomenal before and all of the sudden practically everything except penetration (rarely) was a big NO NO). Obviously, it was all my fault. Fair enough, to some extent I can now see mistakes I made but being down to earth person I just cant justify living above means.
Pour yourself one, there is more to come :)
I was more and more annoyed with everything, we started arguing, no fights or anything, just, let's say heated exchanges. 2013- reality check- £50k in debt, property in negative equity, marriage, eh what marriage...
2014- she moved on. I mean moved out. Not too far but still. So we are separated but how the hell are we supposed to be separated and also look after kids? Didn't have to get courts involved, all sorted out amicably. It's been a very strange experience- to me it feels as though we have separate bedrooms and marriage lacking intimacy...
Next 4 years have been patchy and weird- although we lived separate lives we still took kids on holiday together (separate bedrooms and so on) and we pretty much communicated one way or the other every day)
My friends are like "let's go to Amsterdam, they'll sort you out there" and I know they mean well but this just isn't my style...
OK, I see you are nodding off, so straight to the point, well almost...
My, well kind of wife (not sure if there is a term for this contraption but as far as law is concerned we are still married but not cohabiting) has a habit of requesting husband services (that do not require taking cloths off) on regular basis. Ikea furniture turned up, put it together will you, it's for kids (some of it,sure, most of it not). Sink blocked, help. PC has a virus, Alexa playing up, Internet not working, bulb in the bog blown, rubbish needs taking out, pick me up, drop me off, pick something up from somewhere, kids flushed a roll of TP down the toilet, sort it out, my oversized, overweight mattress needs turning and so on...
And now, if you are still conscious- WE are going places- "kids need holiday and since you have a car we need to go" places. So far I never said no but I've recently came across my ex's post's on another forum slagging me off for not contributing to this events- WTF. OK, I'm kids father but if she's organizing something that is in remote location she should take care of all aspects, shouldn't she, or am I politically incorrect? (was told off for suggesting a train before)I never refused but as far as I was concerned I was just a driver on £0 pay...
Still here? OK, nearly there.
We have run out of things to argue about some moths ago, our current situation almost perfectly fits "white marriage" definition. And I don't know what to do. When we are together, alone, she often refers to me as "husband" (generally whenever she needs something done that exceeds her abilities) but everywhere else I'm just an EX- a mistake she made...
She is a gorgeous woman, I find her attractive, she's mad as a broom stick sometimes and this isn't really helping. If this was a "friends with benefits" arrangement I could probably live with it and be happy- but it isn't...
OK, now finally a question- WTF am I supposed to do?? I'm living alone since 2014 and in a way find it OK- kids stay with me pretty much whenever they want, mostly weekends- she has never restricted access to kids and childcare is split more or less 50/50 but I just need a hug every now and then (read "daily")
Not going to beg for it- it was her choice to move out, I'd probably do the same if I were in her shoes. But ain't dead yet- and I love hugs...
OK, you look rough- thanks for reading. Have a little break...