What does the phrase 'having a connection' mean to you?

[lollylocket]

I purely ask, as I see the term branded around a lot on the relationships board on MN.
A guy I was sort of seeing told an ex colleague of mine, that we had a 'connection'. I think I know what he means by that.! 🤔
What does 'having a connection' mean to you?

I would say, understanding each other and being able to talk honestly together.

It could also mean having a similar outlook on life, the same goals, or a strong shared interest such as a hobby.

'Being on the same wavelength' is a phrase which I think has a similar meaning.

So in your case he was referring to your sexual attraction?

I interpret the term “a connection” n that sense, but also in a work sense where I think some colleagues are “on a similar wavelength” or “connect” easily, on work matters. I’ve experienced it maybe four or five times in 20 years of work.

Sex is good!!

"Having a connection" to me means a mutual sexual attraction at a high level - ie. where it is obvious to both parties that the other person is sexually attracted too.

That sort of "look into each others eyes, neither of you can look a way" type moment.

Totally all about reciprocal DTF

@ScreamingValenta Yes this is definitely one way I would interpret.
I found with the guy in question, we understood each other completely, I've never been so honest with someone. Or felt more myself.
@Loopytiles Yes I'm assuming so. We were colleagues, but when apparently having this conversation he alluded to the fact we had been together. So not referring to our professional relationship.
@Aprilshowersarecomingsoon Hahaha! Yes the sex was good!! The best ever in fact! 😩
@TellItLikeItReallyIs Oh 100%. I've never felt such a strong sexual attraction in all my life. And I know that was mutual.

I find it interesting, how most have said it alludes to a sexual attraction. I would say that too. But does anyone interpret that it's more than just sex, and something deeper?

(Just wondering, as I say; I see the term a lot here on MN)

What is DTF?

Chemistry. You had that attraction that can't be explained only felt. That interest in them, a familiarity and an energy.

I believe 'DTF' stands for 'Down to f**k' 🙈

Yep... Keeping it classy

@Wouldyouorshouldyou Yes. I love that description. Definitely how I felt.

But does anyone interpret that it's more than just sex, and something deeper?

Kind of, but not really. It's when the sexual attraction (arousal) is that mutual, the feelings transcend the sex and into every part of life.

More than sexual... you chat easily, like each other's quirks and foibles, laugh, don't want to be torn away from them.

I met my other half whilst I was with my exh.
We knew each other for around five years. Friends in work. No EA. Nothing. Saw each other in work a few times a month. I always really respected as a person.

I always valued his input for things because we were always on the same wavelength.

When I split up with my ex Husband about a a year later we started dating. I'm marrying him soon.

We just clicked.

To me it's :

• you can totally be yourself with that person
• you can talk openly and honestly
• there's no awkward silences
• same goals/ outlook
• same desire to rip each other's clothes off

I wouldn't say you always have to agree with them, I think someone who can challenge you is often the person you connect with too

Means absolutely nothing to me. Empty platitude. I never really understand things like that- too vague and open to interpretation. Means different things to different people. I would rather someone were more specific.

Yeah I agree Dirtybadger - an empty statement sometimes said to make a person look ‘deep’ or that they fancy sex.

A man told me recently that it was extremely rare for him to feel the kind of "connection" he felt with me. I (naively) thought that meant he really liked me and wanted a relationship with me. Mumsnet, it did not.

@Dirtybadger I have to agree. That's why I asked, because I know so many people interpret the phrase in different ways.
I'm surprised at how many have said about a sexual attraction. I thought I'd get more varied responses!

@ChippyPickledEggs Oh! Yes I can see how you would feel that way. I'll admit, I thought it meant more than having a physical attraction. I thought it implied more about having 'feelings' for each other. But I guess I'm wrong 😕

@wishywashy6 I definitely agree with all you've said.
I think it's about being around someone (as you say) challenges you, is able to give you prospective. Genuinely cares for your needs.

@lollylocket I suppose it depends on who's saying it, and their intentions, as to whether it's an empty platitude as some are suggesting or a genuine feeling.
I think my BF said he felt like we had a good connection after our first date (which I felt too) by that I took it to mean we'd spent the whole night laughing our heads off and didn't realise the restaurant had completely emptied and they were trying to close up. After various dates with other people (on both sides) where conversation had felt forced and hard work it was a refreshing change to feel so relaxed in effectively a strangers company. Never felt like he was saying it to get me into bed.... although I'd have probably let him 😬
We've been together 6 months now and I don't feel the need to vocalise the fact that I think we have a connection but I do feel it, sexually and just in general

It’s when you feel at home with someone, completely and utterly at ease. It’s either there from the very first moments or it isn’t. It’s not something one can work to achieve or something that develops with time. With me anyway. I only had to set eyes on a man to know we have got a connection or not. I am sure they would have felt the same way, too.

Doesn’t happen often (understatement), but I have felt it with more than one man which leads me to believe there’s no such thing as a soulmate. Unfortunately, it still happens after one gets attached. And you have to make a concerted effort to walk away so it doesn’t unravel. But it can if one’s not careful.

This is why I can’t take a hard line on affairs like so many posters here. It is a fallacy to believe you are ever going to be your partner’s one and only person they ever feel a connection with. There were people in their past they felt it with and there will be people in the future they will feel it with. It just takes discipline and self-control not to pursue it, but you can’t stop people feeling things as long they are living breathing creatures.

Perhaps you would have liked more from him so are looking to interpret it that way?

@FlightOfFancy9
I completely agree with what you've said.
I did feel something instantly when I met him. Which I never have done upon meeting anyone in the past.
Ah soul mates.... again another vague notion. I think that the soul connects to people throughout a lifetime. Sometimes the soul can feel more connected to another, even when you believed the last time it couldn't have possibly connect on that level again.