Threesomes!!!

[Bug8]

What's the reality of threesomes? Fantasy am enjoying at the moment, boyfriend wants us to find the third, but am reluctant as to what this would do to our relationship. To be honest, am a heterosexual woman who isn't attracted to women at all, but enjoy a little bit of imagination during sex, & of course boyfriend wants this (MFF) so much, turns him on a great deal. Am happy with just the fantasy & think we risk our relationship if we invite the third into our relationship. Share yo experiences please. Thanks

As a friend said to me once (another friend had just started a polyamorous relationship) 'Not for me. Sounds great in theory, but why would I want to risk disappointing two women when I can disappoint one?'

Honestly the Chinese and a pint sounds SO much more appealing!

11 months in and he wants to “spice things up”

I would wonder why I wasn’t enough for him. But that’s me. I wouldn’t want to share my DP.

Even if you were bisexual that would not make you obliged to have a threesome with a woman. I'm bisexual and I'm strictly monogamous

Honestly the Chinese and a pint sounds SO much more appealing!
Beijing aubergine, salt and pepper tofu, rice and a bottle of Tsing Tao wins out over pretty much anything in life. Including the renaissance.

As a bisexual married woman I personally believe that threesomes are relationship cancer. My DH feels the same way. Before we met both DH and I were in relationships that were not serious and we had threesomes. It was exciting and an experience you put under your belt.

However, I consider my relationship with DH sacred and would never consider this to liven up our sex life. Neither would he. There are plenty of ways to spice up a relationship that doesn't involve adding a third party. Granted, these are our personal views and what we deem cancerous, other people may deem perfectly acceptable, or in fact enriching.
Going forward, I think you have to ask yourself if this is what you want to do? If you are not attracted to women, then where is the fun in that for you? I understand wanting to please your partner, but you should never have to feel obligated or pressured into a situation where you feel uncomfortable or that may cause distress.

My advice, would be to find a fantasy that you both would enjoy equally. In my experience, the best sex that DH and I have is when there is complete trust and safety involved. Where both partners know that boundaries will not be crossed and there is no fear of getting hurt. This feeling of safety allows you a limitless amount of freedom and is extremely liberating. The best sex that DH and I have had was not when we were dating or first married, but about 11 years into our marriage. That trust that you build with a life long partner allows you to let go in ways you never thought before. In my opinion, trust is what makes relationships stronger. Not threesomes.

Good luck!

I'm getting the sense you're not enough for him OP.

As someone who has erm a bit of experience in this area, I think it’s a very bad idea.

If you weren’t at least bicurious, there really isn’t any point for you.

Also, to piss on his chips, there’s many couples out there on the ‘scene’ who are looking for a single woman to join them. They are like hen’s teeth. Especially if you wanted one you were actually attracted to. Your odds aren’t good.

Oh,I am too old here, never had a threesome,foursome whatever, but always wondered if these happenings last long, I mean in terms of time length like weeks.months etc. Do you have to change all the people a lot as time goes by, or does all this wear off after a time, and then you just stay home and watch the telly like everyone else ha ha.

I knew a guy years ago, he was small in height, paunchy and bald,and about 60 and he was into threesomes. He always used to try and get two women,but one woman had to be flabby and overweight,whilst the other had to be slim and fit . He used to call this his two course dinner, as in a bigger main course,and a light dessert afterwards.!!

He might be dead now,as this was about 20 years ago.

11 months in and already he wants to introduce a new woman into it?

After 11 months you've barely had time to even up build up the kind of love and trust you'd need for a threesome

I'd be rethinking this relationship op

I think it is a common fantasy (particularly among men), Which is fine if it works for you both together. However I suspect the reality is very different.

OP I’m glad you’re going to tell him this weekend that this thressime idea is off limits. The idea that someone who don’t atteacted to women, would enjoy this is a non starter and he isn’t listening you you at all.
He sounds very persistence and manipulative to me. Please take this whole episode as a warning flag, if he starts behaving like this in other areas, end the relationship ASAP.

There’s many couples out there on the ‘scene’ who are looking for a single woman to join them. They are like hen’s teeth
Hence them being called "unicorns"

Thank you everyone for the advise, much appreciated. The fantasy part has been quite good and quite enjoyable for the both of us. In other areas, he's really nice and the relationship is going really well. At first he said he wouldn't have a threesome in real life but then as fantasy was used every time we had sex, he started wondering what it would feel like in reality,he talked to me abt it. At the time I called myself bi-curious but then have discovered that my bi-curiosity doesn't quite work in reality. To make matters worse, the way he wants to do this is off putting, and makes me jealous, for example, when he calls both of us "my naughty princesses". When I talk to him abt my fears or how he talks to the third (in a group chat), he tells me to stop having wobbles and if am not into it, we should stop. And goes on to say that what's said is just naughty chat and doesn't mean anything and I should just go with it. To be honest, am bored of all the threesome chat that's there every single day. Our sex life from day one to now has been really amazing, and told him it doesn't need spicing up. I don't think at this point in our relationship, it's something that we should be thinking abt and I told him that, but he came back with he wouldn't want to do it when he's too old (he's 45 now). Anyway, tested the waters & know it's not for me. It won't be happening cos it's unhealthy for me.........mentally.

Showmeshoyu, that fits with what I was thinking, many people think about doing this, but few actually do. I would think that difficulties in finding someone to invite are a fairly significant stumbling block.

Bookfour, it seems common among men and to be honest I have been enjoying the fantasy and shouldn't have even entertained the idea of a threesome in the first place but at the time it felt exciting to explore. His idea of finding the third has completely made me change my mind as I can't deal with it. I do now know the reality is different and if we go ahead to the act, it won't end well. When I have my wobbles, I have told him that fantasy and reality are different and am not sure anymore. I just need to be firm with him this weekend.

I suspect that if you were enjoying it as a fantasy, that might explain his persistence with the idea as a basis for reality. In doing so, he has probably ruined the fantasy for you, and in turn for him too. I think you can put this all behind you when you have the frank discussion with him

Well, this is where I'm happy being selfish and greedy. I don't share!

Yuck. I'll never understand why people don't just do this when they are single. It seems that so many times there is a guy and girl in the rs and the guy wants to have a 3 some MFF.

Your bf is 45 years old. He's had plenty of time to do this in the past.

I would just flat out tell him it's never going to happen with you and to stop talking about it. Tell him you're over the threesome fantasy talk as it's become boring.

I understand there are people who do this as a couple and they both want to do it but that is not what is going on here.

Urgh the bit about my two dirty princesses sounds grim 🤢

So basically he wants you to sleep with another woman with him? If he so happy in asserting his wants and what he doesn’t want you should be just as confident. This isn’t a normal request from a boyfriend. You don’t have to say yes.

Grim.

I have been a 'third' a number of times and I've met men like your partner, I run a mile. 2 dirty princesses indeed. I want to vomit.

When I go to bed with a couple it's only because Im bi, she's bi, and he's excited about the idea of seeing his beloved one fulfil a fantasy of hers.

If it's 'just dirty talk' and it 'doesn't mean anything' I suggest you add him to a group chat with 3 other men, let's call them your 4 lusty leprechauns, and see how he likes it.

I'd be breaking up with him tbh.

I should add too, that when we find this third, we go on a few dates to get to know each other, gosh I can't see myself running around on dates as a three..........mad & sad.*

Trust me the woman you're getting to know will be able to tell a mile off.

Why would a woman want her partner to cheat on her in front of her? If you're rying to get rid of your partner this is a good idea.

Maybe he already has someone lined up & this is all just an elaborate ruse so he can shag her & get away with it easier.

How about an MMM then, you just go to for a Chinese and a pint and leave them to it.
actual LOL