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Original poster

I cheated at the start of our two year relationship, and he's found out I lied about it. I don't know what to do

134 replies

JoeyBax · 20/01/2019 18:09

Hello. I just want to start by saying that I don't want judged and I don't want to be made feel worse than I already do, I just need help from something or someone.

So, in my past I was a slag/whore/horrible person, and it didn't seem to matter to me who I was sleeping with or anything like that. I was a horrible horrible person.
But then I met a guy (December 2017), and I asked him for his number which he refused, and then changed his mind. But, he's married (I didn't know that when I asked, but he did tell me nearly straight away). But that didn't bother me, because he was so kind and nice to me. I wanted friendship and I had finally found it. But things developed and we started being more than friends and he fell in love with me and I with him.
But I messed up, because for the first few months I was still seeing and phoning another guy, this I had always denied ever happened. He knew I phoned him, but I always denied sleeping with him. It did come to an end and I stopped all contact with the other guy, blocked and deleted, and I never saw or spoke to him again. But my boyfriend found out 2 weeks ago that it was all true. That I was sleeping with that other guy at the start of our new relationship. And I don't know what to do. I don't have the answers
Background on my BF. He's still married, and he still goes home to his wife every night. But he was putting everything in place to be with me. Payed off bills and cars and the house. Made sure his kids (age 21 and 17) were in full time work and both had cars.
He was ready to walk away from his life at home 2 weeks ago today, and then he found out about my lies and my cheating on him
I just want advice or something. How do I get his trust back. He shouts at me and gets angry and says horrible nasty things to me, and I keep showering him in love and caring and nice words, and forgiving him for his nasty words and anger towards me.
I don't want told that I should never have cheated, because I know that. I don't want to give excuses as to why I did it, because I don't know why I did it
I've never been in love before, I never felt loved, and I've never had love to give. But I'm so hurting right now because I'm still in love with him. Even with his angry and nasty words. Nothing compares to what I did to him :( I just don't know what to do.....

OP posts:
WhatASmashingBlouse · 20/01/2019 18:52

OP- So, in my past I was a slag/whore/horrible person, and it didn't seem to matter to me who I was sleeping with or anything like that. I was a horrible horrible person.

I'd rephrase that if I was you OP. You're still sleeping with a married man who goes home to his poor wife & children every night. It's not in your past. It is your present.

baileys6904 · 20/01/2019 18:53

It feels that you are quite young and have him as an older, more successful man.

Don't believe his shit.

Don't believe the names he's called you or the crap he's fed you about a future.
Break it off and work on your self esteem. You deserve better. You deserve someone you don't have to share.

AnyFucker · 20/01/2019 18:53

You've been had. He was never going to leave his wife. So far, so fucking predictable.

Walk away from this mess with whatever scrap of dignity you can pick up from the filthy ditch you threw it in

NotStayingIn · 20/01/2019 18:54

Joey I'm so glad for you that you are starting councilling. Your OP is painful. Even if in the past you've done things you now regret, that is in the past. Leave that behind you and don't allow others to use it against you.

With regard to this guy, he sounds like really bad news. I don't think it's great you lied to him at the start of your relationship, but as others have pointed out, he doesn't really get the moral high ground here. It's also utter bullshit that he has been trying for the last 2 years to ensure you two can be together. If he wanted to be with you and not his wife, the right thing to do was to break it up with her. He would still have been responsible for the financial things you mentioned (paying off his car etc) but those things aren't a reason you cheat on someone for two years. There are so many red flags with this guy, you would be insane to try and have a kid with him. Also, try and be the better person you want to be. If you deliberately have a baby behind another woman's back with her husband, then sorry, you are acting like a slag and bitch. Given that you want that to be in the past, act like the new you and make decisions that will not hurt your self-esteem.

Giesabreak · 20/01/2019 18:54

Has he slept with you in the two weeks since he found out about the first guy?

TheShiteRunner · 20/01/2019 18:54

It is not all your fault. MN is very black and white with other women- it is rarely that simple.
You deserve so much better than this man. He wouldn't dump his wife for you- why would you have dumped the other man for him?
You are not a slag, not a whore. You've been naive and have been taken for a ride by an unkind man. He may well forgive you- but do think whether he is really the guy you want to be with.

Ariela · 20/01/2019 18:56

So it was Ok for him to cheat on his wife with you, for 2 years? But Not Ok for you to have been two timing him for a few weeks when you first met?
Do you honestly think he won't cheat on you?

Giesabreak · 20/01/2019 18:58

And is it two years or one, OP?

Kione · 20/01/2019 18:58

I won't judge.
It sounds like a perfect excuse not to leave his wife. He could have known all along and was waiting for the right time to use it.

Take advantage of it, you too, and forget about him and find someone single that can support you and not crush you more.

Seriously, forget him!

Middersweekly · 20/01/2019 18:59

@JoeyBax not sure if this thread is for real or you’re trolling but if it’s true this is a mad situation. He has been having an affair with you all this time but has a problem with you seeing another guy when you first embarked on the affair?!!! He’s been sleeping with his wife the whole time and stringing you along. I doubt he had any intention of leaving his wife for you and this is probably just a good excuse to bin you off whilst making you feel bad. This was never a relationship, he was using you (I will assume he’s quite a bit older than you) and you sound very naïve! If I were you I would cut your losses and move on and be damned grateful you’re not pregnant!

AnyFucker · 20/01/2019 19:04

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
JoeyBax · 20/01/2019 19:09

@giesabreak
No we haven't. He won't even see me. Doesn't want to be in the same room as me.
All this has been over texts and phone calls

OP posts:
Original poster
JoeyBax · 20/01/2019 19:12

@middersweekly
It's for real yes. I'm not trolling
He's been sleeping in the same bed as her, but not having sex
Also, it's not that I was seeing another guy, it's that I lied about it to him at the start. I shouldn't have been doing it anyway, so I shouldn't have even needed to lie

OP posts:
Kione · 20/01/2019 19:13

He is breaking up with you very cowardly and you are well rid. Concentrate on your wellbeing and happiness

Original poster
JoeyBax · 20/01/2019 19:14

@giesabreak
2 years. It was 2 years on the 1st January

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 20/01/2019 19:15

He is still shagging his wife. You are a fool to believe otherwise.

Giesabreak · 20/01/2019 19:15

Good. Consider it done and walk away. Block him and you'll soon see him for either the hypocrite he is, when he stays with his poor unsuspecting wife, or for the manipulative control freak he's is, when he starts trying to reel you back in. Either way, don't react. He thinks he holds all the power. Take it away from him and live an honest, decent life.

Giesabreak · 20/01/2019 19:16

You said Dec 2017? That's only a year ago

MakeItAmazing · 20/01/2019 19:18

There's so much here. You need help and to leave this woman's husband aloneAngry.

Just think how many posters on here have kids the ages you've said. And don't backtrack by saying you changed them. You could be fucking someone's husband whose wife has helped you on here ffs.

cricketmum84 · 20/01/2019 19:19

He says he's been sleeping in the same bad as her but not having sex.

You do know that is absolute bullshit right??

AnotherEmma · 20/01/2019 19:21

"He's been sleeping in the same bed as her, but not having sex"

And I'm the Queen of England

MissLanesAmericanCousin · 20/01/2019 19:23

AnotherEmma And I'm the Queen of England HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!! Grin

NorthernLurker · 20/01/2019 19:25

If you believe he's not having sex with his wife then you'd believe anything!

Original poster
JoeyBax · 20/01/2019 19:26

@anyfucker
I am a fool yes

OP posts:
Boysandbuses · 20/01/2019 19:27

You can not be this naive.

How old are you?

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