Does your partner text you?

[Littlelolly2727]

Weird one perhaps, but do you hear from your partner throughout the day if you're apart?
Me and my oh both go out to work all day everyday so don't see each other from 8-5 most days. In the early days we would text constantly through the day. Now I don't hear a peep! It's annoying because I always find time to drop him a quick message just to see how he is or tell him I'm thinking of him.
He never texts first and if I don't get in touch we just won't speak until we get home.
It's not a big deal but I do think it shows a lack of effort. Even if he's busy, it takes 10 seconds to type a text!
I've stopped getting in touch now because it annoys me that he doesn't make the effort. If I do text he will reply so it's not like he has no access to his phone.
Do other people's partners do this?

Not at all, unless I’ve actually got something to tell him, eg pick up milk! We both work in very busy jobs, don’t really think about him much at all at work! I’d find it a bit weird if he was texting to ‘check if I was ok’- I’m a grown woman and I’m at work, of course I’m ok!

The nights we don’t spend together we usually exchange a few messages in the evening or call.

I dated someone once who expected constant texts and tbh it was draining. He also text me the same thing every morning, which kind of made it mean less, it was just a thing he did. I much prefer a random spontaneous text!

Nine hours apart really isn't that long to survive without a text tbh. I put my DP on mute while I'm at work, I can pick up any "I love you" or "I'm going to the supermarket after work, do you fancy pizza?" messages after I clock off, don't need constant reassurance

Not obsessively but yes we'll send a couple of texts during the day.
Mainly, DH wants to know how the DC did at school and then later on he'll message to ask what's for dinner and if anything needs picking up on the way home.
Nothing exciting. Nothing saucy lol.

Not really. I mean, if we need to tell each other something urgently of course but rarely do we contact each other in the working day.

To be honest it’s not something I notice particularly but looking back through our messages it seems not.

Before we moved in, we did. Since we moved in together, we only really communicate if there’s a purpose. Eg what time are you home, do you want tea, can you book this day off. I’ll get a “have a good day sweet” message if I’ve still been in bed when he’s left for work, but that’s it. We save our conversation for the evening.

Yes, we text throughout the day (and evening if we're not seeing each other). Sometimes I get pissed off if it seems like I'm making more effort than him, so will tell him I need to hear from him. I know it stems from insecurity, I presume he's having so much fun he's forgotten about me, whereas usually he's just in meetings all day, or playing some stupid game that he's got into and loses track of time. I don't think it's too much to ask that your loved one spares 3 seconds to send "Thinking of you xx"

How long are you together OP?

Texting all the time sounds very needy & demanding to me and I wouldn't like it. I would find it distracting and it would annoy me. I don't need to know where DH is or what he's doing at all times, and he doesn't need to know that about me.

We both work full time in demanding jobs where we can't be looking at our phones all the time, and we only contact each other during working hours if it's about something really important that simply can't wait.

Usually yes, we tend to text each other a few times a day. He leaves for work at 6.30am, I generally get home after 7pm, we always have questions/ updates for each other re the dc/dinner/house/life in general. Neither of us get in a strop if the other one doesn't reply though.

In response to the bitchy 'needy' remarks, at no point have I ever instructed him to text me 😂 nor do I send him gushy messages declaring my love. I've repeatedly said I don't want or expect continuous communication all day. But a quick check in wouldn't go amiss occasionally. There seems to be an equal amount of people who do text and those who don't bother so it seems like it's down to the individual.
It's really not a big deal but sometimes it would be nice to get a little message. I'm pretty sure that doesn't make me needy....but please don't let facts get in the way of nasty and superior comments, smh

DH and I work in the same building. I probably speak to him less now that we work together than when we didn't.
Before we worked together I'd call him on my walk from the station to the office to let him know how DS drop offs went and on the way home to let him know I was on my way back.

Never so much really. Now we've grow older together and had a family (and after his cheating where he'd text them more than me), he does more now. I'm not so bothered anymore though haha. I'll see him at some point, then we catch up then in person rather than on text.

We text all day. Sometimes important stuff, sometimes nonsense!! It's just what we do.
Neither of us are needy, both of us just have a lot to say I guess 🤷🏻‍♀️😆

God no! My phone pings enough as it is without DH adding to the mix. Both busy at work all day, then time to chat when we get home, although when the kids were smaller I do remember a time when the best way to discuss important things was by email during work lunchbreaks so we weren't constantly interrupted.

I would add (re. DH and I rarely texting each other) that neither of us grew up in the era of mobile phones, so sending lots of text messages has never been a habit with us.

Yes. Text less common than email, Skype or phone due to no mobile reception if I’m working at home.
He pings me funny tweets, tells me if the children have rung him, asks about the dog.
Usually it’s nice as we quite like each other but if I’m doing something that requires concentration I do sometimes get mildly irritated.

Nope. We text or phone if there is something to communicate that can't wait until we get home. Getting pointless texts all day would do my nut right in. Scrap the "all day" bit, pointless texts do my nut in full stop.

Never hear from each other throughout the day unless we've got something that actually needs communicating before the end of the day. Or if one of us is pissed off or upset we would call the other for emotional support.
I have friends whose husbands call and text throughout the day and personally I consider it a bit controlling, like they're trying to keep an eye on them.

I don't think you sound needy at all. Quite the opposite in fact. Even if your partner can't or chooses not to use his phone during the day, he could still send you a short text occasionally just to show he is thinking of you/seeing how you are. I think it does show a lack of effort and thought. Takes a few seconds to send a text. You're not saying you want endless texts all day long. You are saying it would be nice if he sometimes texted you during the day. If he knows that you would appreciate this then it's hardly a lot of skin off his nose to sometimes check in with a sweet text or something. Something to make you smile. It IS a turn-off is a partner gets lazy to the point of not even bothering to do little things that you want. My ex started to do that. Tiny little things that I wanted him to do, that were the easiest things in the world to do, but he wouldn't do it. Note the 'ex' part.

In fact, it's the tiny little things that can be the straw that breaks the camel's back. In my case it was socks! With five adults or nearly adults living in the house I used to get totally fed up with the time it took to sort out all the socks. I used a sock bag for mine and got the kids that cared about having matching socks to do the same.

However much I tried to explain to ex that it would save so much time for him to use a sock bag, he refused. I couldn't understand it - it was a logical solution to the sock mountain which took hours to sort yet he simply wouldn't do it.

On a couple of occasions, when dirty washing had piled up, I decided to do it for him. His coloured socks in one wash bag, white socks in another. Put them in the drying cupboard and when it came to putting away the laundry I handed him the bags and said: 'These are your socks'. He looked at the bags and said: 'But they can't be. I don't use a sock bag.' So I looked him in the eyes and said: 'But I did it for you.'

Arrogant, selfish, narcissistic twat that he was - expected his wife to spend hours sorting through his socks.

Thank God I divorced him. It's the little things that matter.

It's really not a big deal but sometimes it would be nice to get a little message. I'm pretty sure that doesn't make me needy

Yes it absolutely does! If you can't be apart for a long day without feeling that he's letting you down if he doesn't text you is needy.

We tend to call but only if it’s for something specific. When we first got together he would text me once or twice a day (a lot for him as not a big phone person) and it gradually faded away after a few years. I remember feeling a bit upset about it like you do now and telling him I’d like a quick text each day. He tried for a few days then would forget again. I forget when I got over it actually, your post reminded me. Now I don’t mind at all. We have a great relationship and have plenty of time to chat and ‘connect’ in the evenings. I don’t need to hear from him all day as well.

The thing about the replies that are scoffing at what you have said is that they have either chosen not to read what you are saying or have deliberately decided to misinterpret it and go on about 'endless texting all day'

The OP at no point stated she wanted endless, pointless texts all day. Nor did she state she felt insecure or needy or wanted to check up on what her partner was doing. She simply said that by NEVER initiating contact in the day it showed a lack of effort, especially if her partner realizes that she would like him to do so ON OCCASION!

Nope. The rare occasion we would text one another during the day is if there is vital information to impart.

No chit-chat at all.

Its about expectation - for those saying "no, never, its needy", their expectation hasn't been set to receive/send several messages a day so of course it seems OTT or silly.

For those who find it a nice way to check in, to let the other person know that they're thinking of them, and who like a reciprocal balance in their relationship, then its what they've come to expect - when the precedent has been set and that changes, you notice it and you miss it.

This is not meant in a nasty way OP at all, but while I am not saying it actually is needy, it could come across as a little needy to your DP if you pressure him on this (I don't know if you are). I have been in the situation where my partner (now ex) needed texts throughout the day and we weren't even living together but I found it extremely difficult (I'm a woman btw). I work in an open plan office in a high pressure environment where people just don't go on their phones and it's noticeable if you do. He would always text me at the most inopportune moments and would have an issue if I didn't reply for a while. It was actually quite stressful and in the end made me feel he was very much impinging on my work. What does he do? What is his office like - could these be factors?

Some people just aren't big texters and now that you live together the need to do is not so present. Not saying it is needy as I say, but I do think you need to recognize that his behaviour is totally reasonable and not weird nor a reflection on how he feels about you. I have had discussed with other couples when I had this issue in my relationship and generally found people don't text unless for practical reasons if they see their partner in the evening.