I've fallen for my FWB

[Elove1]

Hey, im new here and need some advice lol!

So i met this guy in my early 20s (im now 30) and he will be soon. We met off some dating site and literally lived down the road from one another. It was purely sex back then. The sex was just sex (wham bam thankyou mam) he was a bit of a bad boy, had alot of energy in him and I knew I wasnt the only girl he was seeing. I did like him back then, but never said anything.
Fast forward to when I was 26, we were still sleeping with eachother but it ended when i got in a relationship. We didnt have any contact.
3 years later, that relationship ended and moved about 10 mins up the road from him. I found myself back on that dating site and found him on there. We started messaging again. He was also coming out of a messy relationship. Within weeks, he was coming back round for sex.

We've never spoken about 'what this is'. But it generally feels different. Hes alot more calmer, almost like a different person, like hes grown up a bit. At first, it was just really good sex. We'd hook up when we could (when my housemate wasn't home) but just recently, the sex has changed. Its slowed right now, almost like making love. He pleases me like no other man has and I cannot get enough of him. We seem to have a routine when he comes over; i make us lunch, we hang out in bed watching films and chatting about life, we have mindblowing sex, we hang out some more and he goes home. It's now been 8 months and today he came over when my housemate was in and he shook her hand and said hello lol. I've been feeling like this for a while and once did send him a text about it which he read but never replied to :(
He calls me beautiful to my face, passionately kisses me when he leaves. Hes polite and charming and ticks all the right boxes. But today, he asked me twice whats on my mind as im quiet. "So come on, tell me what's up. Why don't you just tell me?" It's like he knows what I wanna say, but im too much of a coward to say it.
On the one hand, i just wanna tell him Im head over heels for him but there's the fear of rejection. 2) I dont want it to be awkward, if he doesn't like me in the same way, atleast I'd know and to be honest, don't want to lose out on the sex!

Someone help me out here! Do I bite the bullet, tell him and risk it all, or do I just suck up it and enjoy having multiple orgasms lmao!!?

I've been feeling like this for a while and once did send him a text about it which he read but never replied to :(

What exactly did your text say? To not acknowledge it at all is almost cruel and I think I'd have saved myself some hurt and walked away then.

Aside from that, I'd tell him. Life's too short and you'll only get more attached.

Tell him that you want a relationship. If his answer is negative, cut contact for your own sake.

People change a lot between 22ish and 30, he may well be up for it! If not, at least you'll know where you stand.

The fact that he didn't reply surely means that he's only interested in fwb relationship? My friend was in such a relationship for about 4 years. As soon as he met his now wife, he never went back to her other than on a friends basis and went to marry and have children with this woman. My friend lost any opportunity to have children as she was late 30s when the relationship started and then had cancer so had an early menopause.

I think you need to talk to him and find out what he thinks. If he doesn't want anything more but you do, then it's better if you finish it so you're available to other men who will want the kind of relationship you want.

In my own experience of similar situations... Once you say something, he’ll be off.
It’s really hard, all of the emotional turmoil. And you will boil over some day! For him, the mystery will be gone. I find that such men love the romance, fun, sex, but can’t hack the rest.
Plus, if he’s been in other “proper” relationships, you’ll always wonder if he’s just not that into you... some men are great at compartmentalizing. It might just be sex / company for him.
I wouldn’t read anything into the flat mate meeting either. I have an ex FEB who still sees my parents (work-related). He’s very charming & they love him!

FWB, obvs.

Thanks guys. Yeah, i just need to suck it up and take it for what its worth, good or bad! Im thinking of saying the following:
"I'm falling for you, so if that's going to be an issue with regards to our current arrangement, we'll have to stop." The rest will be up to him I guess!

I'd tell him you need to end the arrangement because you've got deeper feelings for him.

If he has more feelings for you, he'll tell you. If not ...then you'll know its purely FWB for him.

You have to tell him but be prepared for him to back off.
I had to get rid of a fwb last year as he was starting to fall for me. From the beginning, I was adamant that I wouldn't be involved with him. The first time he told me I ignored it and made no mention of it and put it down to knowing he was going through some things.
Then a few months later he reluctantly told me, and I had to let him go. Although we always had an amazing time and we good friends, I couldn't keep him knowing he wanted something I didn't.

I married mine.

Congratulations!! 😁 how did you go about it? Did it all just happen naturally?

Mines just moved in.

I was exactly like you are. Scared or rejection. But we talked. We got together and now we are us.

Pretty much, yes. Started off as FWB, booty calls etc. Then he started spending a couple of nights a week at mine. This went on for a year or so.

I went on holiday & realised I missed him and I'd fallen for him. When I came home he asked if he could come round. I was expecting a booty call at best, the boot at worst.

He told me he'd fallen for me, thought he was in love with me but he understood if I didn't feel the same.

15 year anniversary this year

Wow Iklboo!! Proper little love story there! He said to me earlier whilst we were sat in bed "you know that I know there's something you wanna get off your chest" he totally knows doesnt he. Maybe hes waiting for me to spit it out?!

Just tell him.

When you said you text him before about it, how long ago was that??

I think your suggested text is good.

I hope you get your own happy ending. But if you don't, and it goes tit's up; then as sad as you'll be, hang on to the fact that you're free and ready to move on to the next.

Good luck. Keeping everything crossed for you.

Yep married mine too...and he was a one night stand who turned into a Fwb to a husband go for it!

You need to tell him because you’re only going to get hurt if you carry on as you are.

I dont want it to be awkward, if he doesn't like me in the same way, atleast I'd know and to be honest, don't want to lose out on the sex!

You definitely do need to lose out on the sex if he says he doesn’t want more though. Don’t torment yourself with an arrangement you aren’t genuinely happy with. Good luck!

I texthim about 4 months ago. Basically said I liked him and was unsure on what to do. Once he'd read it, i got cold feet and told him to forget i said anything.
Does anyone think sex changes once you start liking someone? It was never very much kissing, we both knew why he was round and got straight to it. Lately we've been hugging alot more, more kissing, and making love (if thats how you wanna put it lol)
I dunno, maybe I'm reading too much into it lol. Thanks though to everyone who replied, need to pull up my big girl pants and just say it! Not like im asking him to marry me lol!!

yes I think sex changes when you love someone definitely. just bite the bullet and tell him. good luck!

Another one who is engaged to theres! Wedding is later this year. Like a previous poster said. I went away for 6 weeks to the U.S. Missed him like crazy which surprised me a lot, came home to a letter through the door from him explaining all his feelings for me. Be open and honest, as long as you get your head around the fact that the worse thing he can say is no then you will be okay. Prepare for the "worst" hope for the best

Didn't you tell him already on txt?

I think you can discount the text if you followed it up by telling him to ignore it.
Tell him next time he's round at yours. The way he reacts in person will tell you everything that texting can't.

I think it sounds great for him as it is & would work for a lot of people. If it doesn’t work for you though, you’re going to need to end it.
If you put yourself in his shoes, why would he want the dynamic to change?

This situation is absolutely ideal for him. Chances are he is never going to be the one to offer a real relationship - why would he? When ever he fancies it all he has to do is call you and he gets mindblowing sex, lunch made for him, and movies in bed. He gets all that without the “less fun” stuff of a relationship.

You’re over analysing everything. The way he kisses you, he way he touches you etc.

You need to give him an ultimatum! It’s either all or nothing. If you don’t give him that ultimatum you will end up hurt! He will meet someone he genuinely wants to commit to and you’ll be dropped in an instant.

For your own sake, put your big girl pants on and take some control.