I've fallen for my FWB

[Elove1]

Hey, im new here and need some advice lol!

So i met this guy in my early 20s (im now 30) and he will be soon. We met off some dating site and literally lived down the road from one another. It was purely sex back then. The sex was just sex (wham bam thankyou mam) he was a bit of a bad boy, had alot of energy in him and I knew I wasnt the only girl he was seeing. I did like him back then, but never said anything.
Fast forward to when I was 26, we were still sleeping with eachother but it ended when i got in a relationship. We didnt have any contact.
3 years later, that relationship ended and moved about 10 mins up the road from him. I found myself back on that dating site and found him on there. We started messaging again. He was also coming out of a messy relationship. Within weeks, he was coming back round for sex.

We've never spoken about 'what this is'. But it generally feels different. Hes alot more calmer, almost like a different person, like hes grown up a bit. At first, it was just really good sex. We'd hook up when we could (when my housemate wasn't home) but just recently, the sex has changed. Its slowed right now, almost like making love. He pleases me like no other man has and I cannot get enough of him. We seem to have a routine when he comes over; i make us lunch, we hang out in bed watching films and chatting about life, we have mindblowing sex, we hang out some more and he goes home. It's now been 8 months and today he came over when my housemate was in and he shook her hand and said hello lol. I've been feeling like this for a while and once did send him a text about it which he read but never replied to :(
He calls me beautiful to my face, passionately kisses me when he leaves. Hes polite and charming and ticks all the right boxes. But today, he asked me twice whats on my mind as im quiet. "So come on, tell me what's up. Why don't you just tell me?" It's like he knows what I wanna say, but im too much of a coward to say it.
On the one hand, i just wanna tell him Im head over heels for him but there's the fear of rejection. 2) I dont want it to be awkward, if he doesn't like me in the same way, atleast I'd know and to be honest, don't want to lose out on the sex!

Someone help me out here! Do I bite the bullet, tell him and risk it all, or do I just suck up it and enjoy having multiple orgasms lmao!!?

...hints

Please just talk to him as an adult.
But please tell me what kind of careers you have that allows you to have lunch and spend the afternoons in bed watching films and having sex... I am jealous.

I think that being in an "exclusive" sexual/romantic relationship is definitely a "good thing" OP, if longer term commmitmet is what you want. It's a big step forward from FWB.

@katekate383 - yes, that usually is the case with FWB. I had one along time ago and it worked out well. Sadly, you cannot help who you fall for and I guess that's the risk you take.
@theredjellybean - haha! I'd love him to be more available! I work long hours as a support worker but it also means I have more days off than him. He works in demolition (a typical 9-5 monday to friday) we usually hook up after he's finished work. And when he was off work at xmas, we were able to extend the length of time he was round. We try to meet up when im home alone, but now hes been round when my housemate was in, I'm hoping he'll visit more often 😊

There is quite a difference though to being sex buddies and being in a relationship even if you are exclusive sex buddies.
At the moment you don't dare, you don't do stuff together that doesn't involve sex and it seems you wait on him calling you to arrange coming over.
You may be falling for the apparent romantic gesture because deep down you don't really want to be a fwb situation with anyone... You want a boyfriend /partner.
Can you fall in love with someone you effectively know little about...

Sorry should say 'you don't date'

Granted, we don't go out for dates etc. I dont alwayd wait on his call, its 50/50. Sometimes he texts and Im at work, sometimes I text and he's busy. Deep down, no i dont want a fwb with him. I'd obviously love it to be something more. But im not looking for a relationship with anybody else neither.
I've known him for a little under 10 years. We do sit and talk about eachothers lives. Love is blind, and yes, I've fallen for the guy who I have an intimate relationship with.

So a bit of a development. Yesterday I messaged him, asking if he'd like to be more exclusive with the fact that we dont sleep with anybody else but eachother. He replied that he thought we were on the understanding of that already

I wouldn't read too much into that. All hes agreeing is you only have sex with each other. My FWB and i have the same understanding. Neither of us wants a relationship with the other. From our pov it means we dont need to worry about contraception whereas if either of us had other partners wed be using condoms.

You need to speak to him and tell him how you feel. There's no point second guessing

You need to suggest dates - go out for dinner, go to a gig, meet at the pub when there's a live music night - see what his response is. If he reacts with apathy, you have your answer. You are a fuck buddy and that is all. If he is agreeable, then maybe he sees you as a potential girlfriend.

You need to be more overt if you want a relationship with him.

I thought the idea was you did not fall in love with FWBs? I have always thought that it is pretty difficult for women to detach emotionally and this thread more than hunts at that

The idea is that you have sex without a relationship. There’s no “rule book” on whether one party falls in love with the other but as the OP has been discussing if feelings change it’s very important to let the other party know.

OP - I think you need a clear discussion with him as to what he means/how it will change.

Elove, your message exchange was still limited to your sexual connection. Are you ready to move the conversation into the emotional arena? I would want to know if my feelings were reciprocated.

I think being exclusive is a good development OP. But what is the reason not to be in a proper relationship? Do you think he has feelings and things will progress in time? I'm hoping for you!

Why don’t you stat the conversation by asking how he feels about you?

I had a very similar situation to you. I started getting the feels, everything changed in sex like you say too, more kisses, slower, looking into my eyes and more gentle and loving. Ugh and the passion!!!!! Grabbing on to each other etc etc. He also started randomly staring at me and he would sit playing with my hair or stroking the side of my face when we weren’t having sex. He went skiing for a week and although he texted etc I missed him like mad.

I confessed my feelings, him too. We’d always been exclusive though and just had a rule that if we did get with anyone be honest and it’s done etc.

Then he asked if I was ok with that he’d planned to meet up with someone he’d had “relations with” when traveling and they’re staying in a hotel together in London when she visits the uk..... I said if it’s friends yes.... and it wasn’t. I was devastated!

It’s still the best sex I’ve ever had. Wouldn’t say no if he offered it again 🙊

Just realised I rambled into my personal story but my point actually was... I know you don’t want to lose the sex, but you have to confess your feelings.

I sent a very similar text from which you suggested. We had set “rules at the start” so I said “Our no1 rule has always been to be honest with you and I have to tell you I haven’t been 100%. I’ve started developing feelings for you and I haven’t told you because I don’t want this to end what we have. I’ve been looking for signs you have too and have gotten to a point where I can’t keep it to myself. So if it’s ruined the arrangement we have I just want to say thanks for the memories”.

You just need to be honest as I think like it did for me, this has probably been creeping up on you a while now.

I agree with @Redglitter OP, I wouldn't read too much into that comment. There could be a number of reasons he's said that, including because he thinks that's what you want to hear. It's not the same as wanting a relationship (from experience...). I would try and have a proper chat to him face to face about what it is you want from this arrangement. It's easier said than done I know, but it's the only way you'll know if he wants the same as you.

Grab this with both hands. Sounds amazing. Not everyone has this.

Sorry to be a party pooper but my general rule is if a man (or should I say a respectful man) likes a woman for more than just sex he'll invite her out for dates, introduce to his friends etc. But perhaps this doesn't apply to all personality types I guess, some people do genuinely just enjoy staying in. Is he social and out going in the rest of his world?

Sorry to be a party pooper but my general rule is if a man (or should I say a respectful man) likes a woman for more than just sex he'll invite her out for dates, introduce to his friends etc

That's called dating. That's NOT what a FWB is all about

Life's too short, tell him how you feel  yolo

user14869556378

My Dp was fwb. He didn't suggest dates as he thought I would run a mile if he tried to change it from FWB to dating.

Once you start dating, going out, socialising together it's not FWB. That should be a discussion.

So last night. We were both awake at early hours when we were texting. He said he'd come round in the morning but I suggested he come stay the night. So this morning, I woke up to him in my bed. He had a busy morning ahead and had planned to leave by 8am but didn't leave until 11.

Have you broached it yet? I think it has slipped out of FWB by the sound of things as it is.

OMG I'M SO EXCITED FOR YOU 😍😂 I hope you get movie style love out of this situation