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Original poster

Dating thread 145: new year new adventures

999 replies

Notcoolmum · 12/01/2019 09:17

apparentlyacatch I’m sorry to be such a mum but please don’t invite men round to your house in the first date. You are putting yourself in a v vulnerable position. These men are strangers and you know nothing more about them than what they have chosen to tell you.

He now knows where you live, what possessions you have, seen pictures of your kids, your car, where you put your keys etc.

So 3rd date tonight with Mr S and we are totally DTD! Excited and nervous!!

OP posts:
BeyondShattered · 22/01/2019 00:37

So ms storm is definitely not a serial killer - I just got home alive Grin

Great evening, we only met up at her flat but talked and talked and talked (seriously, where did the time go?!) and I certainly felt a spark. Laid on the bed chatting and there was the casual kind of contact. And then... nothing. Hug on leaving and then a text saying she's had a great night and was sorry to have purposely not let anything happen, but it's just cause I'm new and she is always like that with a new person. So now I continue playing it by ear, I guess - see whether that's genuine, or a polite thanks but no thanks.

Crustaceans · 22/01/2019 00:41

I think you’re right about the differences in attitudes between many women (in their 30s and beyond) and men of the same age. I’m pretty sure my mum felt the same way after her divorce too (hence the 15 years before she let my stepdad move in; she still won’t marry him though).

That kind of difference is likely to make dating trickier though. I’m not sure as many men as women have gotten on board with the idea of a monogamous and serious relationship that fits into the available child-free time. And men are often looking to fill a lot more child-free time than women actually have.

*Obviously not everyone will fit the generalisation. I think I surprised myself in not feeling that way once I’d met the BF. Although I won’t let him do my diy for me (even when I’m too lazy to do it myself) so obviously I’m not going to ask him to move in tomorrow. But I did think I’d never want to live with a man again and I don’t feel that way now. I’m just going to be very selective about the man.

BatshitCrazyWoman · 22/01/2019 07:17

I used to think no man is moving in with me, wrecking (or mocking) my KonMari'd drawers and housework schedule! Or expecting ironing (I only really iron when I'm sewing something).

I felt differently when I met the last guy (things beyond our control meant it had to end Sad ). He cooked for me a lot, and we used to chat in the morning while he ironed his shirt for work and I ate the breakfast he made for me .....

Crustaceans · 22/01/2019 07:23

Wow. KonMaried drawers. There is no such thing in this house.

Lovemusic33 · 22/01/2019 07:47

Beyond sounds like a good date, hope you hear from her this morning.

I went in bumble and matched with quite a few people, messages 3 of them and one replied, not feeling that hopeful but he’s local and good looking. It’s now 2 days since I heard from Mr Parrot, he hasn’t been online since the weekend, I know he’s busy at work this week but also have a feeling he may have had a date at the weekend and met someone Sad ,I need to stop thinking about him, I don’t think we will be meeting.

shitwithsugaron · 22/01/2019 09:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

helpmeoutout · 22/01/2019 09:17

@shitwithsugaron why stay off it because of one person? Don't allow what happened with him to stop you moving forward.

helpmeoutout · 22/01/2019 09:19

Can someone tell me what an iron is?

My date says he is really looking forward to Saturday, we spoke last night and he says he hopes the days go by fast. I think next time I won't leave a 2 week gap again, if we go on a third date that is.

BeyondShattered · 22/01/2019 09:44

"irons in the fire", helpme :)

Not heard from ms storm yet this morning, but it is still early...

BeyondShattered · 22/01/2019 09:45

(totally not over investing...)

Lovemusic33 · 22/01/2019 10:03

shit sometimes we have to lay our cards on the table, it's always a risk but one we have to take at some point. If it's not to be then it's not to be. Maybe take a week away from the dating apps and then get back on it?

I'm getting close to taking a break from POF, I tend to go on there for a month and then come off for a month or it takes over my life. I'm going to wait a few more days to see if Mr Parrot gets in touch (we only chat on POF) and then come off for a bit.

supercali77 · 22/01/2019 10:13

Are the apps supposed to be slow at the minute? I'm asking for a freind. He's a great guy and a year after his break up I convinced him to go on - he says he's getting no interest - I can't figure it out at all

helpmeoutout · 22/01/2019 10:27

@supercali77 i would say the opposite. I reckon in the new year people are looking for something new or setting new goals for their lives.... new year new man new me and all that. Have you reviewed your friend's profile pics and what he has written about himself?

supercali77 · 22/01/2019 10:34

Yeah i've helped him with his pics - also he has a really big beard so I got him to trim it back a bit. He's a really really funny guy. Banterous. So, i'd have thought it would have been a shoe-in. He went on them 6 years ago and was rolling in dates...he hasn't changed majorly in that time so it's a bit baffling and he's quite demoralised by it all :(

supercali77 · 22/01/2019 10:35

I'm wondering if you're in your 40s and a man that women are maybe expecting less off-the-wall humour?

Lovemusic33 · 22/01/2019 10:49

super I have found POF pretty slow going, I thought it would be busier this time of year but I have found it busier in the summer, I also think there’s way more men on there than woman so it’s harder for guys to get dates. I love a man with a beard 🤤

BeyondShattered · 22/01/2019 10:53

Love, did you see the thread about Theresa May's bodyguard then? Wink

DaffoDeffo · 22/01/2019 11:01

how old is he supercali? and which apps is he on?

I am not back dating yet. Still not really interested and quite busy at work and at home. Still in touch with a few irons from before esp MrMusic.

Can see I am catapulting towards another Valentines Day!

Lovemusic33 · 22/01/2019 11:02

I did 🤣

One guy I met a few months ago (FWB) has a huge beard, he looks like a Viking, shame he was such a disapointing but I enjoyed stroking his beard 🤣🤣

almutasakieun · 22/01/2019 11:05

I just got an abusive message off some guy on POF. Then read his profile, and it's pretty much all about me! I'll post the messages if you want, but fuck me, some men don't like strong women?

almutasakieun · 22/01/2019 11:10

Not sure about your friend, but I automatically discount men with beards (sorry men with beards - but eugh!!!!). It could be just the beard!

almutasakieun · 22/01/2019 11:12

And the reasons I discount men with beards are the following:

  1. I think of The Twits
  2. I can't stand beard rash
  3. You can't actually see their whole face to figure out whether they're good-looking or not!
Lovemusic33 · 22/01/2019 11:13

I just got a message on POF, it started off pretty normal and then he asked me if I knew what ‘cuckholding’ was 😐😐

supercali77 · 22/01/2019 11:14

@love - really - are you in scotland? hahah

@daffo - he's 41 and he was on pof and bumble. I tried to get him on tinder but he went into a spiral and deleted everything.

Lovemusic33 · 22/01/2019 11:14

There’s no beard rash if the beard is long enough and well kept. I don’t like stubble, brings back bad memories from when I was younger (snogging my stubbly boyfriend and having a very sore face).