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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Dating thread 145: new year new adventures

999 replies

Notcoolmum · 12/01/2019 09:17

apparentlyacatch I’m sorry to be such a mum but please don’t invite men round to your house in the first date. You are putting yourself in a v vulnerable position. These men are strangers and you know nothing more about them than what they have chosen to tell you.

He now knows where you live, what possessions you have, seen pictures of your kids, your car, where you put your keys etc.

So 3rd date tonight with Mr S and we are totally DTD! Excited and nervous!!

OP posts:
shitwithsugaron · 19/01/2019 17:59

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crappyday2018 · 19/01/2019 18:00

I've not posted for a while as I've just been so deflated by it all. I must, without doubt, have the WORST luck on OLD. I've literally had ONE date. Every time I actually match with someone, one of the following happens:

  • they immediately unmatch me when I message
  • they don't reply to me
  • they reply but then disappear
  • they just don't message first
  • I give my number, they message for a few days then just stop
EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. I know all this is common but its literally happening every time. I'm not trying to sound big headed but I am fairly attractive, and I;ve made sure I have good photos on. I'm starting to feel I must be doing something wrong. The worst thing is, the guys who unmatch me or don't reply etc aren't even all that......
SonataDentata · 19/01/2019 18:05

I got a good one at 10pm last night: “Luckily for you I’m in your area tonight, wanna meet?” I replied: “No.” and blocked him. Honestly, you’ve got to laugh at some of the approaches!

WarIsPeace · 19/01/2019 18:21

Just wondering if anyone has this, been off apps for a couple of weeks now but was only on for a few before that... I quite miss window shopping. That's all Blush

TooOldForThis67 · 19/01/2019 18:24

shitwithsugar Perhaps he's protecting himself but would secretly jump at the chance of another go. However, if you snog and still don't feel it, how would he feel? Can't you get him tipsy and try it out?? Lol.

Lovemusic33 · 19/01/2019 18:25

Warls I often try and go cold turkey and then find myself back on there after a few weeks, I get curious to wether there are new people on there, I then go back on to see the same old faces.

Shit make a move on Mr Ukulele, what’s the worst that could happen? I think he’s still interested, men are useless at “just being friends”, he’s secretly hoping you will change your mind.

TooOldForThis67 · 19/01/2019 18:36

So, I've had my gyny appt and all is well. Only a 1.4mm womb lining which is a 0.004% chance of cancer. So not only good news, but great news. Did a thorough check and all is well. Plus, I don't have to start counting again - I've done my year so no contraception needed! (I'm 51) They put it down as a last hurrah!

Went back on the dating sites and am actually seeing someone tonight that I met over a year ago on OLD under unusual circumstances. I was stuck at a friends, who'd fallen asleep, I had no money, had been chatting to him all day and mentioned my predicament. He sent and paid for a taxi for me. Stayed at his! Yes I was drunk, don't remember much, felt embarrased and I suppose 'ghosted' him. He didn't recognise me today on OLD and was happily chatting me up. I let it go on a bit then told him we'd met (changed my hairstyle and colour). Grin. He has fond memories of that night Blush and I suppose I'll find out later what exactly happened!

IndieTara · 19/01/2019 18:52

So now Mr Potential FB has done a disappearing act.
After arranging a date with me on Monday for tonight he has vanished
I've been working abroad for a few days and got back Friday morning ? ( which he knew )
I messaged him Friday afternoon and got nothing back .
Messaged him again this morning saying I assumed he'd changed his mind but he could have had the decency to let me know
Chatting to a new iron today on Bumble, he's asked me 14 different questions in 2 messages!
I've asked if he has a checklist he's ticking off...

SortingItOut · 19/01/2019 19:10

@crappyday2018

Are your matches thinking you are a catfish?
Not sure how pretty you are but assume very as most people won't admit to being gorgeous!!!
I think men are put off by women who are too pretty...

Not sure what you can do about it apart from put up some not so gorgeous photos!!

I have been called a catfish before (three times actually) but I think that is more because I am after casual sex rather than a relationship and men don't seem to believe that women might want just sex.

Lovemusic33 · 19/01/2019 19:15

TooOld great news. Hope your date goes well xx

shitwithsugaron · 19/01/2019 19:16

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likeridingabike · 19/01/2019 19:16

Just catching up, I followed through with my decision to take a break from the Apps so I haven't been around.

MrPB who I had one date with in October FFS is still messaging me but I've been firm in only responding every few days and he's backed off.

I'm meeting a potential FWB tomorrow for a day time drink, I've decided it's the best option for getting the first time out of the way (not had sex for 4 years and was with my ex for 25 years, so a huge deal) I'm going to be very open tomorrow and see how he responds. I'm hoping he'll be up for gently easing me back into the saddle 😁

Dan89 · 19/01/2019 19:39

Shit, regardless of ukelele, if you're not liking local you should let him know so he can meet someone else. Plus, no point seeing someone for the sake of it

BatshitCrazyWoman · 19/01/2019 19:40

TooOld that's brilliant you must be relieved. I'm 54 and a half and still going Confused Good luck with the date, don't forget the loo update!

BatshitCrazyWoman · 19/01/2019 19:41

likeriding I hope tomorrow goes okay and you find your FWB. It really is like riding a bike, too .....

shitwithsugaron · 19/01/2019 19:47

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Leatherandsilk · 19/01/2019 21:20

Someone gave me some advice today and I wanted to see what you all thought.

She says always go for someone 1-2 points 😱 down from what you find attractive as they may surprise you in terms of falling for them and will be more likely to adore you.

Obviously I thought that was awful, but then I look at my friend who has LTR with very rich very driven men, none of them that attractive but actually very lovely people and they fall at her feet with love.

So thoughts? Should a woman choose a man less attractive than her that she can find attractive through mental connection and that leads to his adoration? Grin

(Something to pass the lack of date night time for me! I will still choose good looking wankers Hmm)

Dan89 · 19/01/2019 21:22

"Should a woman choose a man less attractive than her?"

I wish they did!

Apparentlyacatch · 19/01/2019 21:46

leather I can see logic in this. The good looking men I have dated all have turned out to be A-holes! And the men who I've not thought are as attractive have been lovely (but I haven't been attracted to them). So either way I'm at a lose lose! Ha!

almutasakieun · 19/01/2019 21:55

Well Mr Car said he was getting some petrol about 10 hours ago and that he'd ring me back in 5 minutes.
After 10 hours, I just blocked him on phone and Whatsapp.
However, on my phone you can't entirely block someone - they can leave voice messages, which he has. Saying that he had a car accident.
So I have called him back twice and he hasn't answered.
Lol, maybe I'm being cruel and he's in surgery having a heart transplant, but I doubt it.
Anyway, fuck it all. Can't be dealing with men!

Leatherandsilk · 19/01/2019 21:56

Totally agree apparantly I have some irons with real potential, but who can’t I stop thinking about? MrDevestating arsehole with his amazing hair Hmm

crappyday2018 · 19/01/2019 21:58

@SortingitOut well I can't see why they'd think I was a catfish when I have about 6 photos on and a bit of a profile. I never 'admitted to being gorgeous' but I am told I'm attractive and don't look my age. Looks are subjective though so I'm sure I wouldn't be many guy's type.
Its more the fact that they right swipe me then, when I message, they run a mile!!! Why right swipe then??
I used to get all the attention from much younger guys so I changed my age range to older to stop that.
I wonder if its my age. I'm 43 and I suspect men my age and older what women much younger. But, again, WHY SWIPE RIGHT?

Apparentlyacatch · 19/01/2019 22:17

I am the sameleather I keep thinking about the two blokes who I really liked but treated me as though I wasn't a human being! #gofigure!

shitwithsugaron · 19/01/2019 22:35

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

scotgal2017 · 19/01/2019 22:41

Evening folks, I haven't caught up on end of old thread/this new thread as been chocca at work, but feel I need to get things off my chest. May be the Friday night wine talking but in tears so feel I need to get it down in print as i'm usually not much of a crier! Apologies in advance for spelling etc but have had a few beers and some wine!!

Firstly, in floods of tears with the feeling that I'm never going to find someone. i realise STBXH never loved me and I want something real but it's so hard to find?? Maybe just emotional as STBXH sent me a long drama-filled WA about how he lost a good friend last weekend and got him thinking azbout the way he treated people like me etc etc and ended with how he would always love me etc. I have no love for this man and being abusive to someone for 20 years isn;t love...I think more than anything else I'm annoyed at myself that I wasted 20 years of my life with this twat instead of finding a real relationship that was actual love. Now I'm scared I'm going to end up like my dad, My mum left us when I was 9 (I'm now 39 almost 40 for context) and he NEVER has had a girlfriend/wife etc since my mum left....if this my destiny, to follow the same route as him???

Someone asked towards the end of the last thread about mr. Italy. believe me, I kept him from my mind, but I'm now a believer in the universe guiding our lives, and everything and everywhere I went since Xmas was to do with Italy (panettone in M&S, an advert for Italian holidays on the radio etc etc, unbeliebable abmounts of stuff about Italy) which led me to think that maybe he should have a second chance, maybe he is having a hard time in life (hey, we all have them) and maybe i should relax and see how it goes. if it works, great, if not, it's another life lesson. so, he was very good with communication last week, supposed to meet for coffee in toen on Tuesday but lo and behold because of snow he is tired/cold/shot day at work and cancels. I had told him I was free Tues or Fri (he cancelled tues, messaged yesterday how are you, i replied fine thanks and nothing more from him), so god knows. I'm trying to get a meeting face to face with him to tell him I think he just used me for sex and whether this is going to go anywhere but he is still sporadic with the messaging recently.

Mr wine on tinder messaged me on Monday past apologising for not being touch as busy. Some resemblance to coffee date friday past but did not hear from him at all. i messaged him this evening, he has 4 eight year olds for sleepover so would appaer busy. no apologY for not arranging coffee yesterday (I had sent last message monday) so he seems way to casual so may say to him soon, look meet for coffee or we should unmatch as a waste of time.

Mr. Z has been consistent, checking in on POF to see how I am and when I am free but he is not first choice IYSWIM. he is good company and treats me well but I do not see a serious future with him.

Otherwise OLD is slow, either too far way, too old, too boring (i.e. cannot hold a conversation or not my type) and is always the same faces.... please tell me this nightmare will end soon????