Evening folks, I haven't caught up on end of old thread/this new thread as been chocca at work, but feel I need to get things off my chest. May be the Friday night wine talking but in tears so feel I need to get it down in print as i'm usually not much of a crier! Apologies in advance for spelling etc but have had a few beers and some wine!!
Firstly, in floods of tears with the feeling that I'm never going to find someone. i realise STBXH never loved me and I want something real but it's so hard to find?? Maybe just emotional as STBXH sent me a long drama-filled WA about how he lost a good friend last weekend and got him thinking azbout the way he treated people like me etc etc and ended with how he would always love me etc. I have no love for this man and being abusive to someone for 20 years isn;t love...I think more than anything else I'm annoyed at myself that I wasted 20 years of my life with this twat instead of finding a real relationship that was actual love. Now I'm scared I'm going to end up like my dad, My mum left us when I was 9 (I'm now 39 almost 40 for context) and he NEVER has had a girlfriend/wife etc since my mum left....if this my destiny, to follow the same route as him???
Someone asked towards the end of the last thread about mr. Italy. believe me, I kept him from my mind, but I'm now a believer in the universe guiding our lives, and everything and everywhere I went since Xmas was to do with Italy (panettone in M&S, an advert for Italian holidays on the radio etc etc, unbeliebable abmounts of stuff about Italy) which led me to think that maybe he should have a second chance, maybe he is having a hard time in life (hey, we all have them) and maybe i should relax and see how it goes. if it works, great, if not, it's another life lesson. so, he was very good with communication last week, supposed to meet for coffee in toen on Tuesday but lo and behold because of snow he is tired/cold/shot day at work and cancels. I had told him I was free Tues or Fri (he cancelled tues, messaged yesterday how are you, i replied fine thanks and nothing more from him), so god knows. I'm trying to get a meeting face to face with him to tell him I think he just used me for sex and whether this is going to go anywhere but he is still sporadic with the messaging recently.
Mr wine on tinder messaged me on Monday past apologising for not being touch as busy. Some resemblance to coffee date friday past but did not hear from him at all. i messaged him this evening, he has 4 eight year olds for sleepover so would appaer busy. no apologY for not arranging coffee yesterday (I had sent last message monday) so he seems way to casual so may say to him soon, look meet for coffee or we should unmatch as a waste of time.
Mr. Z has been consistent, checking in on POF to see how I am and when I am free but he is not first choice IYSWIM. he is good company and treats me well but I do not see a serious future with him.
Otherwise OLD is slow, either too far way, too old, too boring (i.e. cannot hold a conversation or not my type) and is always the same faces.... please tell me this nightmare will end soon????