Hey! I would like to seek advice on a delicate yet frustrating situation. I've seen a few posts about a similar thing, but I thought I would write my own experience as a cry for help. The MIL. (although me and OH are not married)
We've been together for 3 years, and moved into a rental house just over a year ago. This is his first time being away from his mum (he's 29) but not my first time. (Moved out when I was 20)
He = the BF and she = the MIL to make things easier to read.
He is her only child. Although he has siblings on his dads side. It's basically only ever been them two throughout the majority of his life. But she has completely wrapped him up in cotton wool, that he can't do anything. No DIY skills, no common sense with certain things, doesn't know how to clean etc. If he has a headache, she'll throw him some of her morphine tablets. If his neck hurts, she'll come out with things like ''Oh meningitis is going around'' She seems to hold some kind of manipulative spell over him as well. They are very close, and that I would never ever like to change.
Shes one of those people who appears disabled when in public, but swans around her house when no other people are around. (I dislike that in people) and she will use the ''IM DISABLED'' card. She is no more disabled than my own mother, who is quietly suffering from severe arthritus. Oh, in fact, I even mentioned my mum to her and her response was ''OH IVE GOT THAT'' which she doesn't! OK, I'm ranting onto irrelevent subjects now.
The issue is this.
This woman is the most overbearing person I have ever met. Anyone who has met her has said the same. (My family and a friend were helping us move, as was she) Just being around her for 5 minutes feels like forever.
After we moved in, he instantly gave her a key. Without asking me, although I don't mind for emergencies.
Anyways, a good thing is she never just shows up without a phone call first. But she does use her key and does show up when we are not here (After calling him to warn him first)
Even if we are in, she barges in. But again, we are expecting her.
She comes over every Friday after work, and Sunday morning. She does this because she collects his washing.
She brings him his toiletries, boxers, socks, new tops, shower gels, razers, the lot. When she is here, she will moan that the place is untidy and will clean despite me saying I'm doing it tomorrow. (Saturday usually)
He is very lazy, and I have absolutely no doubt that this is because of her. She used to clean his room before he moved out for goodness sakes!!
And she has cleaned this house when we haven't been here before. I got back from work one day and she was here. The first thing she came out with was ''I havent been upstairs, I wouldn't do that''
That in itself was suspicious. I keep the doors closed upstairs just incase.
We hosted a bbq for one of their family members, and she literally took over. I just went very inwards and quiet. I was so uncomfortable.
She also tells us to get a cleaner. She has mentioned this maybe 5 times. I tried to tell him to firmly tell her no but she will do it again.
She took our oven gloves away once to clean. But we never received them back because she deemed them too unclean! They were not in bad condition as they were only a year old! She's done this with few items.
There was an occasion where he told me she was coming over, but I was in the house on my own, needing to wash my hair. I was too scared to shower because she would have barged in as she didn't know I was there. Yeah she barged in. Good thing I delayed my shower.
I try to go to my mums anytime she's over now because I'm too tired to be dealing with it.
There was one Sunday, she was calling him at 9am (They had plans for him to go to hers for dinner at 12pm). We were both asleep due to a late night and ofc, ITS SUNDAY. He slept through the calls and she immediately called my phone. I muted it to sleep in. We got up at 9.30ish. He had 8 missed calls and I had 4!!!!!!!!!!!!! Like who does that!!!!!!!! She was just checking he was going to hers at 12, despite them discussing it the evening before.
And now, she's invited herself over this weekend to ''Clean my house''
My house isnt untidy in the slightest. It's just LIVED in. But I can't discuss this with him because he will take offense and just say ''she's just trying to help'' and OK, maybe I am being selfish here, I am unsure. But i dont feel comfortable with it, nor do I want her cleaning everytime shes here.
On new years eve, we had plans. Our friends were coming over and we would go to the local pub for 10ish. My mum and her partner was also at the pub as it's their local too. Well our plans didn't work out because his mum decided to go to the pub too. (She barely ever goes out) She called him and told him to get to the pub because she was surprising him by being there. So he did, whilst I waited for our friends because they were leaving the cars at mine. By the time they were all here, we walked straight to the pub. His mum left an hour later as she was tired.
Shortly after she left, my mum told me that she had been moaning because I was late??? My mum no longer has respect for her due to what she was saying. (It's rare for my mum to dislike someone) Bottom line is, she knew what our plans were and she expected us to drop them. We were due to go to the pub at 10ish and instead had to get there for 8 to accommodate her, discarding all of the games we had planned prior to the pub. How that makes me late, I do not know!!!
If anyone has any advice, it would be greatly appreciated. I want to get over this because for his sake, I cant have this turning into resentment. I used to adore this lady, but now she is under my skin and it's building up!
I can't talk to him about it because it will hurt him and he will instantly become defensive. I can't talk to her, because of the same thing. Maybe I just need to get over it? xx