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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Wish me luck ... I'm actually doing it

305 replies

beverleymaccalovesdave · 03/01/2019 13:43

I've posted under many names over the last year , mainly because I was embarrassed that I didn't have the strength to leave and I didn't want my mn 'friends' to get fed up of me the way my real life friends have .

Long story short : I met a man who initially was everything I could have wished for , it didn't take long for the cracks to show but I thought I could change him if I was just a little better with him , if I didn't say too much , if I just agreed with him more .. you get the jist !

Anyway I gave up my house to live with him and his children ( he is a young widower) and for a million reasons all of which I knew and could see before I did that I am finally at breaking point .

Right now ,I am awaiting the call back from the letting agent on a property I've fallen in love with back In my hometown (miles always from him ) . I have already passed the credit check and secured a little loan off my big brother for the deposit , just the references to go now .

I know it will all kick off when I tell him I'm leaving and I know there will be a battle over me taking my things and I probs won't get out of there without some injury or all of my possessions but I'm so looking forward to just me and my dds being happy and safe in our little cottage .

I'm still playing the game at the minute , still sending the 'I love you 'texts and pottering around his house , sorting his kids , handing my money over ( money is a big problem of his , his is his but once that's gone he demands mine too,'family pot' but only when it suits him ) .

Ive got a van lined up and am covertly putting the word out for second hand furniture amongst my work friends ( I still work in my hometown and of course he hasn't wanted to bother with any of them despite numerous invites )

It will be a few days/week or so before I can attempt to get my things and go but it's happening , just hope all is good news with the letting agency

Wish me luck Smile

OP posts:
bevmaccalovesdave · 10/01/2019 13:27

Psssttt .. it's me !

I was changing all my passwords and somehow have locked myself out of Mumsnet so have had to reregister .

I'm ok , hanging on in there .

I'm crossing fingers for the keys tomorrow , agent has said it might be Monday , I'm really hoping not .

He knows I'm leaving , I couldn't internalise it anymore it was making me ill , I blurted it last night .

He asked no questions about where I was going , just said to get my things and go as soon as I can . He will be going to his mums with the kids tonight and will disappear for the rest of the weekend . I'm to text him when I'm done .

He has told his kids apparently, not sure if I believe this . My kids don't know yet .

He hasn't asked me to stay , he is really upset that I've gone behind his back and sorted a house without consulting him ... typical him , not upset because I'm going only that I've done it without his permission.

I hope to god I can get the keys tomorrow and just get on with it all , I just need a bed and a sofa everything else can wait .

I will update as I can , seriously , without this thread I would have talked myself out of doing it .. thank you so much for letting me believe in myself Grin

Aprilshowerswontbelong · 10/01/2019 13:36

You bloody well rock op!!

drspouse · 10/01/2019 13:37

Fingers firmly crossed here.

bevmaccalovesdave · 10/01/2019 13:39

Scratch that ,

All my stuff is being chucked on the drive as we speak , he just called , he's mad .

I'm not sure if he is bluffing or not , I'm at work 40 miles away . Apparently I will be receiving a picture to prove it shortly Angry

BluebellsareBlue · 10/01/2019 13:42

What a shit!! Can you call his mum and tell
Her and ask her to go and get your stuff?

hellsbellsmelons · 10/01/2019 13:43

Fucking hell - he's an asshole.
Can you leave work?
I know my work would let me go under these circumstances.
How is he chucking your stuff out now.
Does he not work?

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 10/01/2019 13:44

Speak to your Manager. Leave work. This is an emergency.

Please stay safe. Call the police if you need to.

ApolloandDaphne · 10/01/2019 13:44

What a bastard.

drspouse · 10/01/2019 13:46

Don't go home on your own though. Your safety is more important.

rainbowstardrops · 10/01/2019 13:47

What an utter bastard! I think you should leave work if you can and see if your ex can help out with the van a little earlier than planned.

MissMacaron · 10/01/2019 13:49

Definitely get someone to go back to the house with you please. I think I remember some of your previous posts. Please be careful Flowers

WitchDancer · 10/01/2019 13:54

You need to let work know what's going on and go and sort out your stuff. It may mean paying for storage and a B & B temporarily but at least you'll have your stuff and will not be in fear any more.

We're behind you - you can get through this!

another20 · 10/01/2019 13:55

Yes text his Mum, friends, neighbors your ex etc that he has gone mad - and they need to pop round to sort him out - shame the life out of him. Keep yourself safe. Don’t worry about “things” - call the police if you are worried about him or his children or if he is wrecking your property. Don’t try to deal with it yourself

bevmaccalovesdave · 10/01/2019 13:58

I am the bloody manager , I'm on a project deadline , no way could I leave now .

I'm giving him a half hour to see if this pic appears .. I think he's bluffing , I'm not going to drawn into the game play .

Yes he does work , in the building next to the house so it's quite possible he is done for the day and is at home chewing on himself .

His shittyness is making this so much easier for me to remember why I'm going .. I'm holding on to that just now

PaleRider1 · 10/01/2019 14:01

Is there anyone you can call that can pop by and see what’s going on?

bevmaccalovesdave · 10/01/2019 14:02

He wouldn't want to cause a scene in front of his employer, it's a school

It's nearly chucking out time .. the more I think about it , the more I'm sure he is bluffing .

TeaMeBasil · 10/01/2019 14:07

Christ, I hope he is bluffing. Stay safe

RandomMess · 10/01/2019 14:10

What a d*ck but then you know that!

WitchDancer · 10/01/2019 14:17

Ok, hopefully he is bluffing. Have you got a plan in your head for when you've finished work?

butterfly56 · 10/01/2019 14:27

Was really hoping you could get away unscathed OP
Keeping fingers crossed that you manage to get away safely and into your new peaceful home.
IME.....Please don't let him know where you live because he could cause all sorts of trouble for you Flowers

LemonBreeland · 10/01/2019 14:34

Not a great update. Hopefully with his employer being a school he is bluffing you and trying to wind you up. He may do it once the school day is over though. I hope you don't have too much drama.

bevmaccalovesdave · 10/01/2019 14:40

No pic has appeared , just a phone call ,all snot and tears saying please don't leave .

I'm outside having a quick cig (4 years of giving up down the drain Shock) my team are keeping me going , I'm stressing about my deadline more than him right now .

I've told him I'm tired of guessing his mood and to just to stop and think about what's going on here and why .

This will not be the end of it today but at least I think my stuff is safe for a few more hours at least .

How did I at nearly 40 end up here ?

Must crack on with work now Confused

Cath2907 · 10/01/2019 14:47

Good luck! He sounds like a twat badger and you will be best off gone.

drspouse · 10/01/2019 14:50

Do you think it would help to go somewhere else tonight?

StormTreader · 10/01/2019 14:59

Coldness to "your stuff is on the drive" to "please dont leave sob sob" all in the space of a day - hes cycling furiously through emotional states trying to find one that you'll react to, isnt he?

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