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Original poster

Would you meet this stranger?

162 replies

Beautifulstrangers · 02/01/2019 15:24

I'm 18 months out of a very long marriage and probably naive. I married as a young teen and have never known anything else.
So I'm trying to pick myself up and joined a couple of dating sites.

About a week ago as I'm perusing said dating site my breathe is
literally taken away by the most beautiful man I've ever seen.
This beautiful man is 20 yearsyounger than me - obviously I move on and think no more about it.

Later that day said beautiful stranger messages me on the dating site, tells me I'm beautiful Blush I'm not but I'm ok for my age.
I try to convince this lovely man to find himself a gorgeous younger woman.
He tells me he prefers older women and wants a serious relationship.

Later on we move on to telephone calls and it's apparent this man is not only beautiful but educated,respectfulandgentlemany -he tells me about his job in finance.

Now for my what would you do. He wants to take me to the theatre in London [where he lives]
he will meet me off the train take me to the theatre and then back to my hotel - alone. Then pick me up in the morning and take me to the station
for the train home.
He tells me he wants me in his life.
What would you do?

OP posts:
Original poster
BeautifulStrangers · 03/01/2019 09:22

Apologies for CF - CFS confusion

OP posts:
Notcoolmum · 03/01/2019 09:24

All I have read here OP is concern you are being taken for a ride and suggestions you have a more low key first date closer to home. You describe yourself as naive and ask for advice but when you are given it you clearly don’t want to take it.

Meet him as soon as you can so you can see if he is who he says. But closer to home and with less grand gestures. There is really no point in exchanging long messages and phone calls until you have met.

SleepingStandingUp · 03/01/2019 09:29

Why can't you just meet for coffee op?

MissWilmottsGhost · 03/01/2019 09:37

Oh you name changed, that confused me.

I have CFS/ME, OP. Best not to refer to it as CF which will mean cystic fibrosis to most people. A 60 year old with cystic fibrosis is likely to be in quite poor health, that is why people are concerned, they aren't being ageist.

Also, you are being scammed.

DizzyBeeme · 03/01/2019 09:38

Meet up for coffee..see how it goes from there x

RedTartanLass · 03/01/2019 09:40

@Beautifulstrangers @BeautifulStrangers

These replies may seem shocking to you but OLD is a shocking place. You said in your original post that you are naive, please take some of the comments onboard. Let him come to your area to meet, a coffee in a public place.

Don't invest much more of your time and thoughts into this person until you actually meet him face to face.

I sadly suspect you will never meet him face to face but as I've said before I'll be glad to be proved wrong.

PerverseConverse · 03/01/2019 09:55

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Bluntness100 · 03/01/2019 10:02

God I hate when people name change mid thread, what's the point in that?

Op, as nothing is booked, then start face timing him. Ask him to come to you. And if he is keen and does so, then see how you feel.

You are a woman in your sixties. You know full well it's odd that a stranger, a man in his forties, is saying he wants you in his life before even meeting you. You know it's odd that he's saying he's had a long term relationship with another woman in her sixties. Odd and not logical.

He should be making the effort here. You're older. You have chronic fatigue and if he was remotely keen to have you in his life, he'd be face timing you, getting to know you and be willing to travel and meet you for a coffee near where you live. Do not invite him to your home.

You know it's odd and reads like a scam. I'm sure you do look a decade younger and are beautiful, but even if you were the same age as him, it would still be odd as fuck.

forumdonkey · 03/01/2019 10:07

You say that you have little dating experience or with OLD. Before I met my Bf I was single for nearly a decade and I did lots of OLD and dates. OP me and others who have done it are trying to give you advice based on our experiences.

Can I ask you how long it will take you to travel to London by train?

NoIAmSpartacus · 03/01/2019 10:11

I don't think it's fair to call OP desperate...

Bluntness100 · 03/01/2019 10:15

And if you're so sure this man is genuine, then you've nothing to lose, tell him you wish to face time, make arrangements, tell him you'd prefer first date he comes to you, as you understandably wish to be cautious.

Have you searched his name and company? Anyone in finance will be on LinkedIn at least. Do you know what company he works for?

Ask his address, say you want to send him a card or something, see if he gives you it, then check the electoral roll. There is a lot you can do here to protect yourself that doesn't involve going to London and meeting a potential con artist.

IToldYouIWasFreaky · 03/01/2019 10:17

He should be making the effort here. You're older. You have chronic fatigue and if he was remotely keen to have you in his life, he'd be face timing you, getting to know you and be willing to travel and meet you for a coffee near where you live. Do not invite him to your home.

Exactly. Tell him that you don't want to travel to London for a first date but you'd be willing to meet him somewhere local to you for a quick coffee. His reaction to that will tell you lots.

Please do try to meet him sooner rather than later. Some of the worst mistakes I made OLD involved messaging far too long and thinking I knew the other person, then being devastated when it turned out that (of course!) I didn't and they let me down.

You will come to rely on the daily messages as you ego boost and support, especially if you are feeling lonely and vulnerable after divorce but they are no replacement for actual real life relationships - whether that's with family, friends or potential partners.

Hezz · 03/01/2019 10:34

I'd meet him for coffee but then again I'd meet anyone for coffee. I love it

AnyFucker · 03/01/2019 11:28

Op, please do not use the initials CF unless you actually have cystic fibrosis. Hence my question above re. health and tolerance for exercise

KatyWhatsit · 03/01/2019 11:39

I've been out and just come back to find my post was deleted.

Why?
I queried CF and said it was possibly chronic fatigue, and also that linking being over 60 with health issues was ageist.

How odd.

AnyFucker · 03/01/2019 12:29

I think the "ageism" was your automatic assumption that everybody else was being ageist.

GodknowsIwanttobreakfree · 03/01/2019 12:35

To be fair the op said she had a health condition and most posters assumed CF was cystic fibrosis for which the average life expectancy is late 40s. I don’t think it’s ageist to ask about her health.

AnyFucker · 03/01/2019 12:42

"CF" is common parlance for cystic fibrosis. Widely used and accepted in mefical and non medical circles. It's really no stretch to "assume" it wss being used in it's normal context.

Notcoolmum · 03/01/2019 12:46

I’d assumed cystic fibrosis too. I’ve only seen chronic fatigue as CFS. CF has a life expectancy of early 30s so I even did some googling to see how a 60 year old was CF would be managing and found out about late diagnosis. Quite interesting.

I honestly haven’t seen any ageist comments. But concern for a woman with health problems potentially being taken for a ride by an apparently much younger and beautiful man...

Bluntness100 · 03/01/2019 12:58

If I'm honest I'd have assumed anyone with a diagnosis of chronic fatigue syndrome would know the acronym was CFS.

forumdonkey · 03/01/2019 13:00

OP, how long would it take you to get to London?

Cuttingthegrass · 03/01/2019 13:07

He's probably into fetish and wearing nappies and wants you to mother him

ColdCrumpetsandButter · 03/01/2019 13:42

Your name change makes me think you're going to go through with meeting this person.

KatyWhatsit · 03/01/2019 14:04

CF has a life expectancy of early 30s so I even did some googling to see how a 60 year old was CF would be managing and found out about late diagnosis

That's why I assumed it was chronic fatigue. I think plenty of people leave off the 'syndrome' and just refer to it as chronic fatigue, tbh.

It's very very odd as PPs have said for a man to suggest the theatre as a first date and take her to her hotel and then collect her the next day.

It's as if he is in some fantasy world where he thinks this is how you 'treat' a woman you want to impress. He's clearly not experienced in dating or he'd know that sitting in the theatre where you are silent, is NOT the best way to get to know anyone!

Which makes me think he is either very weird or trying to impress but way off the mark.

Why has @beautifulstranger not come back to say how far the trip is to London? I hope to God it's not a 3 hr train ride! The cost of the hotel and the fares are enough to put you off, let alone the bad manners of a man who won't travel to her.

And who chooses what to see at the theatre? The whole thing is just barmy.

LuckyLou7 · 03/01/2019 14:05

Unfortunately, I don't think the OP has any intention of taking on board any of the suggestions to establish whether or not this man is genuine.
She seems to be enjoying the flattery of the attentions of a younger man, and doesn't want to consider she might be the victim of a romance scammer (or a tag team of romance scammers). He/they may not even be based in the UK.
The trip to London, dinner, hotel, theatre etc is to find out if she has the money to fund it. It's unpleasant to see someone being made a fool of, but she has been given plenty of constructive advice, so the onus is on her.

I hope she has friends and family members who will look out for her.