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Original poster

Would you meet this stranger?

162 replies

Beautifulstrangers · 02/01/2019 15:24

I'm 18 months out of a very long marriage and probably naive. I married as a young teen and have never known anything else.
So I'm trying to pick myself up and joined a couple of dating sites.

About a week ago as I'm perusing said dating site my breathe is
literally taken away by the most beautiful man I've ever seen.
This beautiful man is 20 yearsyounger than me - obviously I move on and think no more about it.

Later that day said beautiful stranger messages me on the dating site, tells me I'm beautiful Blush I'm not but I'm ok for my age.
I try to convince this lovely man to find himself a gorgeous younger woman.
He tells me he prefers older women and wants a serious relationship.

Later on we move on to telephone calls and it's apparent this man is not only beautiful but educated,respectfulandgentlemany -he tells me about his job in finance.

Now for my what would you do. He wants to take me to the theatre in London [where he lives]
he will meet me off the train take me to the theatre and then back to my hotel - alone. Then pick me up in the morning and take me to the station
for the train home.
He tells me he wants me in his life.
What would you do?

OP posts:
DaffoDeffo · 02/01/2019 15:55

Money on him being 30 years older than his stated age with a beer belly and yellow teeth

It's too much for a first date. Have you told him which hotel you are in as I wouldn't.

You need a v thick skin for online dating. Feel free to join our support thread in relationships.

Even if he is who he says he is, it does sound like he only wants MILF sex so if you can cope with that fine. If not, just make sure you can clearly define your boundaries and make sure you are never in a vulnerable position with him.

BlancheM · 02/01/2019 16:03

No.
Build up your confidence, go on dates which are convenient for you, where you are able to travel there and back independently and easily. I'd give this one the swerve as you're feeling fragile and could end up as 'older woman' kink fodder to a chancer.

BluebellsareBlue · 02/01/2019 16:03

Just be careful this isn't a catfish situation. There are some horrible people out there.

ErickBroch · 02/01/2019 16:11

This is very clearly a scam, I am sorry - please block and avoid!

Littlefrog99 · 02/01/2019 16:14

I'm sorry to burst your bubble but this story sounds very much like a scam my aunt was almost conned by. The man my aunt was going to meet (despite us trying to tell her it was a con) at the last minute wasn't able to meet her due to a problem that he didn't have money for and he put considerable pressure on her to pay so he could join her on their date. At that point my aunt realised we were right and came home feeling rather sorry for herself.

I suspect you don't really believe he's genuine or you wouldn't be asking for advice on MN but if you do want to chance it then be careful.

GodknowsIwanttobreakfree · 02/01/2019 16:15

He wants you in his life but he’s never met you?! Nah even if he is a genuine guy (probably not) that is over the top. Why can’t you just meet him for a quick drink and suss him out and arrange the theatre date another time?

Original poster
Beautifulstrangers · 02/01/2019 16:17

Thanks for replying everyone. The Mn wisdom is clear.

It's a shame but I won't be pursuing it in rl - he's early 40s by the way.
I'll keep on with the WhatsApp flirting with him though, he is bloody gorgeous and messages me lovely missives every day and I deserve a treat. Smile

Silkei Grin

He was escorting me round London because I've got CF
and he wanted to make sure I was safe.
Come to think an assignation with this hunk would have probably
nearly killed me anyway. Grin

OP posts:
Shirleyphallus · 02/01/2019 16:22

Please don’t give him any personal details at all if you continue talking to him, this has red flags all over it!

IToldYouIWasFreaky · 02/01/2019 16:31

Definitely do a reverse image search. And do as much searching on social media as you can. If you don't know his last name, but you do know his first name and the company he works for, you can probably find him on LinkedIn...which will give you his last name and then you are away!

If he checks out, then decide if you want to meet him or not but please don't do the big, involved overnight thing. As others have said, aim for a coffee which you get yourself to and from and don't give away too much personal information beforehand.

I did OLD for a couple of years and I know how easy to get carried away before meeting someone, especially if you chat for too long. You can build up this fantasy idea of what someone is like, how you'll be together etc with all the chatting and messaging but it's not real until you meet and develop a real relationship. My advice is always to meet as soon as you can after developing some kind of rapport and try not to get carried away too early!

Popchyk · 02/01/2019 16:32

Funny how he is really desperate to meet you but won't travel out of London to do exactly that. And he's respectful of your CF but wants to put you to all the trouble and expense of meeting up.

Tell him "Can't do London, sorry. But I'll meet you in Asda café for a coffee in Milton Keynes (or wherever you live). I will shout you a doughnut".

You'll never hear from him again.

blueheal · 02/01/2019 16:33

How many men beautiful or not actually behave this way in real life? and want nothing in return!

I'm sorry OP this isn't exactly what you were looking for but use him (carefully) for a bit of online fun if you must, don't give him any personal details and then put this down to experience and learn from it.

Personally I think you would be better meeting someone the old fashioned way.

Stay safe

GodknowsIwanttobreakfree · 02/01/2019 16:38

I assumed he was in his 20s from your op.

What’s his situation/relationship history? I know it might not be entirely the truth but just wondering what information he has given you.

HollowTalk · 02/01/2019 16:40

Yes, why have you got to travel to him? You'll have all the expense of a hotel.

Tbh I think he's up to no good and (sorry for this) thinks that older women are more likely to sleep with him immediately. Ever seen those women who go off on foreign holidays and meet a 22 year old man who's bowled over by them and wants to marry them? Grin

PouchofDouglas · 02/01/2019 16:42

I can’t see this as true. Agree you should talk on phone

LuckyLou7 · 02/01/2019 16:44

Watch a few episodes of Catfish on MTV. Reverse image search his photograph. Google his name, see if he has a social media presence. Check out www.romancescams.org/

I would be my last penny this man isn't who he claims to be. He'll be a scammer who preys on older vulnerable women, and flatters them into falling in love with him. Then he'll have a series of unfortunate events where he needs a temporary cash loan...and so it begins.

cestlavielife · 02/01/2019 16:45

Stop the messaging.. if he is genuine you are stringing him along ..meet him.safely in a public place and suss him out

If he isn't genuine ... as is likely.... he may well get nasty and start asking for.money...

Beansandcoffee · 02/01/2019 17:24

No.

When I was online dating I ignored anyone who was more than 10 years younger than me. I just can’t see why such an age gap would work as I wouldn’t date someone 10 years older than me ie 64.

QueenOfTheCroneAge · 02/01/2019 17:47

@Beansandcoffee how very dare you! I am 64 and totally fabulous! Grin

Seriously, my cut off point for engaging with men when I was on OLD was 10 years younger. The only 'gorgeous' ones who contacted me were scammers or much younger men who made it clear they wanted a sexting thing. Fuck knows why Hmm plenty of women their own age who like that sort of thing!

HannahnotAgnes · 02/01/2019 18:15

I agree with the others Op - sounds like a scam so please be careful. I'd actually go with the 'meeting in Asda in Milton Keynes' approach a pp suggested - that will likely show whether he's serious or not.

What's a ' reverse image' search? How do you do it?

Onwardsandupdwards · 02/01/2019 18:23

First date for me is always 1 hour drink then walk away, if it goes really well, you can do the theatre next time.

LuckyLou7 · 02/01/2019 18:31

What's a ' reverse image' search? How do you do it?

www.tineye.com/

Smallhorse · 02/01/2019 18:36

Several people have asked if you have googled him but you have not replied !

halfwitpicker · 02/01/2019 18:38

Does sound like a scamster

AdaColeman · 02/01/2019 18:40

If you have decided that you are not going to meet him, then you would be rash to continue "flirting" with him for fun.

You would be leaving yourself open to being manipulated by him on many levels. You could easily become reliant on the emotional contact his messages give you, in fact you may well already be so.

Once that happens you are only a step away from him reeling you in with a sob story or a "sure fire" financial scheme he thinks you could invest your life savings in.
Oh wait.....he's in finance you say?

Try to see this objectively....would you say to an 80 year old man who you had been contacting for a mere week and not yet met, but who you knew had a serious life altering illness, that you wanted them as part of your life????? Hmm Confused

YellowStickRoad · 02/01/2019 18:44

It's a scam. Block and delete, plenty of people have been taken in by this type of thing. In OLD, as with everything else, if it seems too good to be true then it probably is.