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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Would you meet this stranger?

162 replies

Beautifulstrangers · 02/01/2019 15:24

I'm 18 months out of a very long marriage and probably naive. I married as a young teen and have never known anything else.
So I'm trying to pick myself up and joined a couple of dating sites.

About a week ago as I'm perusing said dating site my breathe is
literally taken away by the most beautiful man I've ever seen.
This beautiful man is 20 yearsyounger than me - obviously I move on and think no more about it.

Later that day said beautiful stranger messages me on the dating site, tells me I'm beautiful Blush I'm not but I'm ok for my age.
I try to convince this lovely man to find himself a gorgeous younger woman.
He tells me he prefers older women and wants a serious relationship.

Later on we move on to telephone calls and it's apparent this man is not only beautiful but educated,respectfulandgentlemany -he tells me about his job in finance.

Now for my what would you do. He wants to take me to the theatre in London [where he lives]
he will meet me off the train take me to the theatre and then back to my hotel - alone. Then pick me up in the morning and take me to the station
for the train home.
He tells me he wants me in his life.
What would you do?

OP posts:
forumdonkey · 02/01/2019 23:14

One of my criteria for OLD was, are they local to me to sustain a relationship, without having to travel miles. I would always meet relatively quickly and drive so I could make my escape and trust me, perfectly attractive and nice men via message turned out to be attractive but weird in rl and I couldn't get away fast enough!

If you want to meet him, meet him but go for a quick drink and drive. Put a time restriction on the meet before you go (excuse why you'll have to leave by x time). If he is genuine and really interested, he'll be happy to do this. If not, you'll have your answer

ILoveChristmasLights · 02/01/2019 23:19

🙄🙄🙄

Honestly, MN is depressing some days.

Go and meet him, just do it wisely. Meet at a restaurant for lunch and get a taxi back to the station on your own. See how it goes.

...but I’d put it off for a while as you’re enjoying the daily missives! You might as well make the most of it!! 😊

PolkaDoting · 02/01/2019 23:24

I’d put it off for a while as you’re enjoying the daily missives! You might as well make the most of it

NO, SERIOUSLY NO!!! This is how they hook vulnerable people in. The OP is clearly never going to London to the theatre with him. It will be an online fantasy relationship where the OP will loose money and get hurt.

You’re in your 60s and in poor health and this geourgous young guy with a great job in the city ‘wants you in his life’. ITS NOT REAL!

forumdonkey · 02/01/2019 23:24

It was just this scenario is outside my experience so I wanted others thoughts

Please listen to the advice of people who have OLD. You may turn up and he may become pushy and aggressive. He may start talking about things that make you feel wary and uncomfortable (I had this with a senior police officer who hated his exw and exdil and said some very disturbing things about them)

Others were boring and I could go on how they were nothing in rl as they were in a call or message.

If you're in London, away from anyone or anywhere you know, what are you going to do OP?

LuckyLou7 · 02/01/2019 23:41

Why haven't you reverse searched his photo? Do that, before you lose your heart to a beautiful stranger (who is actually the face behind a team of romance scammers). Believe me, it wouldn't matter if you looked older than your years and had been run over by the ugly bus. You'd still be getting messages professing undying love.

ColdCrumpetsandButter · 02/01/2019 23:42

Don't go to London. If you do, go with a friend. They can take you and collect you from wherever you meet this man. If the man is genuine he will appreciate your cautious approach.

PerverseConverse · 02/01/2019 23:46

How do you do a reverse search?

LuckyLou7 · 03/01/2019 00:05

Google reverse image search. Tineye is good.

BlancheM · 03/01/2019 00:43

Oh fgs I advised OP to proceed with caution and be realistic but how on earth can so many people insist with absolute certainty that she's being scammed to the point of chastising her for considering a date?

mytieisascarf · 03/01/2019 00:50

Noooooo.....have you seen LUTHER. Never meet a stranger...EVER.... be celibate for the rest of your life.

In seriousness.... meet in a very public place with a wing women nearby... like in the same cafe/ restaurant.

Good luck

Notcoolmum · 03/01/2019 00:54

I travelled to another country for a third date so I’m all for taking (measured) risks but this has all my alarm bells ringing. Meet him somewhere closer to home in a public place and see if he lives up to expectations.

No one can know they can ‘want you in their life’ after a couple of phone calls. This isn’t real. At least not yet.

user14869556378 · 03/01/2019 00:58

If you do decide to meet him at some point, I think he should be coming to you for the first time - as opposed to you coming to London.

RedTartanLass · 03/01/2019 01:08

No just no!! As a PPs have mentioned

  1. You should meet up nearer you. Why can't he come to you?
  2. You DO have money, trip to London and hotel etc
  3. Reverse image search

If it's too good to be true ... it's not true.

Please heed the advice on here.

RedTartanLass · 03/01/2019 01:10

@BlancheM after 3 years OLD, you can spot a scammer at a hundred paces. :(

BlancheM · 03/01/2019 01:32

Based on only the info OP has given, red? I think I can spot them a mile off but it's impossible to be certain just from a second hand description.

RedTartanLass · 03/01/2019 02:13

@BlancheM
You’re in your 60s and in poor health and this geourgous young guy with a great job in the city ‘wants you in his life’. ITS NOT REAL!

This ^

He's in "finance", he's drop dead gorgeous! He wants her to travel to him. He wants her in his life? Theatre, London, hotel for a first date???

I do hope I'm completely wrong but ... really? :(

MissLanesAmericanCousin · 03/01/2019 02:31

This is a very bad idea OP. I'm not doubting your youthfulness or beauty. I, too, look 10-15 years younger than I am and my husband is almost 9 years younger than me. That said, I would NOT do something this reckless. There are way too many red flags here with you being alone for most of it. It's shady and it doesn't smell right. Listen to the advice here, it may save your life.

HowamIgoingtocope · 03/01/2019 02:54

Red flags red flags. No no no

BumbleBeee69 · 03/01/2019 02:56

Everyone says don’t meet him, OP will meet him, what’s the point Hmm

HowamIgoingtocope · 03/01/2019 02:56

www.tineye.com is the site to use to reverse image search. This will become your go to.

HowamIgoingtocope · 03/01/2019 02:58

It's either a game. Or he's after money.
No respe ting man would make you travel on first date. First date = coffee some where public that you know with a get out plan.
I suggest you learn about ask Angela project to.

Ivgotasecretcanyoukeepit · 03/01/2019 03:33

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

heartyrebel · 03/01/2019 03:42

Scam scam scam
But the OP obviously wishes to believe its true, so I'd bet she will start spending money on him
Good luck OP

MissLanesAmericanCousin · 03/01/2019 03:53

@Ivgotasecret, it's got more to do with the fact that she will be traveling alone for the most part, then the age difference, imo.

LuckyLou7 · 03/01/2019 04:02

What would a 40 year old beautiful man want with a woman in her 60’s

Her ability to get a loan