Anyone on here use the Reddit app?

[CoffeeAtCentralPerk]

Was unsure where to post this, but I've always seen lots of good advice via the relationships board so figured I'd start here - If the thread needs to be moved to a different board for better advice that's absolutely fine!

OH uses the Reddit app every day. Browses memes, jokes, current news etc.

We have no qualms about each other using each other's phones - neither of us have anything to hide, we know each other's passwords etc.. so tonight I used his phone whilst mine had low battery.
I unlocked it and it opened straight to the Reddit app.
Figured I'd do a search for funny shit after having a slightly miserable day, and to my surprise (and disappointment) the first search in OH's search bar was a subreddit called RealGirls.

Intrigued, obviously, I clicked on it. And let's just say, the thread was bloody gross. Fannies all over the shop. Women bending over whilst wearing nothing. None of it was tasteful. Just normal women taking nudes in their bedrooms.

OH and I had had a discussion about the likes of porn and 'dirty images' almost four years ago and I said I wasn't completely happy about it - I know some women are chill about it and thats fine! But I'm not - OH said he rarely, if ever, looked at that kind of stuff, but upon knowing I wasn't totally okay with it, would stop it completely.

I asked him tonight why this search was showing in his app and he was bewildered. He seemed genuinely shocked but I told him if he'd searched for it, to just tell me. I'd rather know and just deal with it and get on with it rather be than be lied to. Honesty goes along way with me. But he spent almost half an hour on the app (in front of me) trying to figure out why or how this search came up.

So, does anyone on here use Reddit and has experienced random searches in their search bar which they haven't searched for?
My logical brain tells me that a search bar is exactly that - a search bar - things you've actively searched for will be displayed. But there's a small part of me that believes he didn't.

Anyone more clued up on Reddit than I am and can shed some light?

Interestingly - OP clearly stated that she’d prefer he used actual Porn - rather than seeing pictures of regular women, posting themselves. Which isn’t really the same thing as porn.
Just like topless women on a beach aren’t the same as strippers.

So - and as OP admitted herself - the issue is on her side. Her body confidence. Her insecurities.

It’s not about porn enthusiasts here.

@CoffeeAtCentralPerk- feel free to message me.

Obviously the men and cool gf's have nothing better to do then spend their morning defending men's rights to porn to complete strangers and are so intent on forcing their bullshit entitled views on anyone who disagrees, porn use is that important to them. It's sad really how low people's bars are set. Can really only feel sorry for people who add so much value to porn.

If you don't have a problem with porn in your marriage then that's all fine and dandy but plenty of women do, particularly women over a certain age , not all, but plenty and what many don't like in particular is lying about it or excessive sneaky use. To be honest whilst I am not wild about it I would have less of an issue with an occasional look at some nude pics on Reddit than I would with very frequent use of the main porn hubs. It isn't even just the porn with the man hubs , its the revolting language used for the thumb nails, the constant not exactly tasteful pop ups , the amount of Webcam sites and no strings hook ups it promotes etc . Also its easy for women to say it doesn't bother them if they have a partner who might look at it once or twice a month and are upfront and honest about it if asked, but that more often than not isn't the case. There are marriages on here that have been ruined by webcam use, no strings attached hook up sites, porn use every day, guys who wont have sex and then turn out to have porn addictions, its a big issue for some, please have the empathy to understand that not every women out there is 'cool' with it, even if we are being made to feel bad for not being quite so cool about it and most of us are unaware of the extent of it when we start relationships or we might choose differently and plenty don't have any self esteem issues, they just don't want to be in relationships with what feels like a bit of a sleazy git to them. Would we accept our Hs going off to strip shows every few days, probably not, so why should some be made to feel bad for not being ok when they are accessing often far harder stuff than the odd strip show every few days. Its very easy to just say 'leave' when you are not ok with it, not always quite so easy in practice.

One last thing though- to all the pp who insist op's dh will continue using porn in secret. 2 years ago I was in the exact same situation as op. My dh was acting like a complete prick and was very unapologetic. After several conversations about why I was so unhappy about porn use, and educating him about the horrible abuse that go's with women involved in making porn, and knowing you can never fully be sure what porn is and isn't rape or some form of coercion, my dh has become very interested in women's rights and is totally adverse to any type of porn use, considering the ethics behind most internet porn. So much so that he has had long conversations with our teenage son explaining why porn is damaging and destructive on the most part, both to the male user, who can experience a whole range of negative effects, unrealistic views on women and sex acts, to p.i.e.d, to the sex trafficking involved and how unhealthy it is, on the whole, as an industry.

So yes, good men CAN give up porn, easily.

I'm sure you'll all counter now with how you've convinced yourselves how porn isn't always rape, abuse, etc to assuage your guilt and continue prioritizing your sexual gratification over the wellbeing of human beings.

Orillia & Yetmore....

You are projecting your issues and morals onto the situation.
Did you miss the parts of the posts where OP specifically said that actual porn. And would rather he watched professionals - and she doesn’t care whether those are women forced to perform for the camera.

She explicitly said she isn’t ok with him seeing pictures freely posted by normal women. And specifically because she doesn’t like her own body and feels insecure.

And there isn’t any issue with his performance in the bedroom that she mentioned.

So - this isn’t about morality of professional porn. Or sex issues men develop due to excessive use of it. These are issues specific to your situation. Not the case here.

The usual dissent into nonsense here, OP I've PM'd you x

Descent even!

It is up to the OP to decide though if it is something she is ok with or not though, it is not up to people on here to try and decide she is distinctly uncool or making a mountain out of a molehill if she isn't ok with it.. I don't think she is saying its just 'Real Girls' she isn't keen on, what she was saying is that the 'real life' stuff bothers her more than if he was whacking off to Porn Hub twice a week. Porn may 'all' bother the OP somewhat, which is her perogative and the lying definitely bothered. Just because some people on here enjoy it/need it/whatever (which is totally fine) ,it does not mean to say others have to put up with it or STFU if they really don't want it in their marriage, just as you may not want to put with smoking/gambling/mega drinkers/lazy arses etc. You either try and deal with it or discuss and compromise before saying automatically 'just leave'.

@Josuk, you've been coming on to every single post where some woman has found her husband using porn and lying, addicted, etc and spent hours defending each and every one of their husbands for at least 2 years now? Longer? Why is your life so meaningless? Ive remembered posters thinking you are male, is that what it is? You'd think you'd be tired spouting the same old shit at this stage though? Time to get a life maybe?

Orillia

If you read what I say - without involving your judgement - you’ll see that i am not defending the men. Or even care about them.

For me it’s about women and feeling that our worth or attractiveness isn’t linked to what men wank to.
Men always have and will wank to all kinds of things.

I do think it’s both pointless and self-deceiving that one can controls another’s behaviour. Men’s or women’s.

It doesn’t mean that I have a low opinion of men, or women. It just means I accept life as it is.
One can be happy living in real world, not a fantasy the OP seems to want to go back to.
Where she pretends to believe somtjtn and her Partner pretends to placate her.
Why live like this?

I'm sorry you're going through this, sounds really shitty and I know I would be upset and angry, if it was me. I suspect if I looked at DH phone, I would be in the same boat as you. Too scared to look, as running on empty as it is. Good luck in whatever you decide.

And - not forgetting the fact that, just like you - Orillia - I am entitled to an opinion different from you.
No?

seeing a gorgeous woman on a tv advert and thinking to himself 'oooh she's hot', is worlds apart from sneaking on to subreddits and looking at naked women when it knows that behaviour upsets me

That's why some of us think this is less about your self esteem issues and more about you just don't want him to do something you don't like. Which is fine! But let's call a spade a spade.

It’s REALLY easy on the Reddit app to end up clicking on stuff from the search bar unintentionally. Like the smart search that comes up? If he typed in “re” it would suggest it and then from there it’s really easy to click on stuff by mistake. I do it all the time. Were there any other “re” subs in his searches list?

Sorry OP I carried on reading! (I checked my Reddit searches btw and there are definitely some I clicked on by mistake) but I see now he confessed. After reading all of it really want to send truly awful situation. I hope you can find a resolution!

Ah porn. The last bastion of male entitlement. Stick to your guns OP. It’s okay to feel uncomfortable with someone you love objectifying strangers. Most women like to feel their partners have moved past that. It’s disconcerting to learn our partners are still holding us up to impossible standards against the male gaze - or atleast, that’s the inference when you learn that someone is prepared to lie to you rather than stop wanking over headless images of young women.