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Original poster

AIBU about Christmas cash gift to my neice

113 replies

Ragdoll1234 · 01/01/2019 20:11

My partner of 20 years has flipped over the fact I gifted my 14 yr old niece £50 cash for Christmas. He works full time and I work part time as we have two DD. He said it was too much money and I am wasting his money. We have joint finances and he now wants us to have separate finances and I have to pay my way (his words). He spouted out lots of abuse about how I am robbing him and he pays for our lifestyle and he is fed up. I am really hurt and don't know how to get past this.

AIBU gifting my niece £50 or is he?

OP posts:
dementedpixie · 01/01/2019 20:12

£50 seems a lot to me. The kids we gave cash to this year got £20 each

Notacluethisxmas · 01/01/2019 20:13

It's not about the £50 though.

He has no right to be abusive. But I assume he is carrying the main financial burden and he is fed up of it.

Have you ever discussed this before?

In regards the £50 though, I do think that's quote a lot to spend without discussing it. Unless you are quite well off.

Insomnibrat · 01/01/2019 20:13

Agreed, the last thing this is about is the £50.

User284806 · 01/01/2019 20:14

I think the amount is irrelevant. Though imo 50 is about right. Can’t get anything with 20 quid these days.

Has he been like this before? Do you have money problems?

cowfacemonkey · 01/01/2019 20:15

That’s a lot to give without prior discussion. What’s the back story with finances? As this seems an extreme reaction to money after 20 years

dementedpixie · 01/01/2019 20:16

My sil has 6 kids so no way could they get £50 each!

Have you discussed spending in the past?

Dirtybadger · 01/01/2019 20:18

How much does he spend on other people? If you are short of money and don't spend that much on anyone else then fair enough objecting.

But is he really suggesting you go back to work FT and start paying 50/50 for childcare and everything else over £50 Confused?

user1493413286 · 01/01/2019 20:19

I would be quite annoyed if DH did that to be honest as that’s far more than I would normally give and I would expect that to have been discussed when it comes out of our joint finances

Littlelambpeep · 01/01/2019 20:20

59 is a lot to give as a gift if you work part time I think- but dh could have talked calmly about it.

Littlelambpeep · 01/01/2019 20:21

50

SoyDora · 01/01/2019 20:21

I’m a SAHM. I didn’t discuss with DH how much I spent of my family at Christmas and he didn’t discuss with me how much he spent on his. We trust each other to use our judgement.
However... have you got money issues? Is he feeling a lot of financial pressure?

Original poster
Ragdoll1234 · 01/01/2019 20:28

He has never been interest in our finances. I do bills and banking etc. We are not wealthy but neither are we poor. I do not buy for neice mum or dad just her each year. He himself has nieces and nephews but has never bought presents as not very close. They in turn have never bought for our kids.

I have a Christmas savings account that I add into each month from out joint account to fund christmas spending.

How much do people spend at Christmas for neice / nephew?

OP posts:
dementedpixie · 01/01/2019 20:30

As I said before, I give £20 to my neices and nephews

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 01/01/2019 20:30

The £50 is irrelevant whatever anyone else spends or whether or not we would have done it.

He shouted, and seems to have been very hostile over this. Is he normally like that? Is this a relationship you are happy in and feel safe?

User284806 · 01/01/2019 20:31

It’s hard for people to answer that as it depends on circumstances. As well as number of people to buy for in general etc etc

I still think 50 is a good amount to do something nice with. 20 is a bit stingy imo. But then it does come down to what you can afford. I think anything 25 and above is good - but 25 is pocket money really, rather than a decent Christmas gift.

Again it’s hard to say!!!

greendale17 · 01/01/2019 20:32

I agree with him. You should have consulted with your partner before gifting £50 to your niece.

Littleelffriend · 01/01/2019 20:33

Is it neice? I thought niece

HollowTalk · 01/01/2019 20:33

I agree with him. I think £50 is far too much unless there are special circumstances, in which case you should've discussed it with him.

Torsz · 01/01/2019 20:33

I buy the presents for my side of the family and my husband buys presents for his (but they're all from both of us). I spend around £50 on my sister's daughter, he spends around £30-40 on each of his brothers kids as there are 2 of them.

DBML · 01/01/2019 20:34

I give my niece £50 for birthday and £40 plus small gift for Christmas. But then I just have the one niece on my side and my sister does the same for our son.

My DH has five nieces and nephews, so they get £10 each for birthdays and Christmas. We are not as close to his siblings though.

cowfacemonkey · 01/01/2019 20:35

Not sure littleffriend could be twat

NikiFree · 01/01/2019 20:35

That is alot of money to give when you aren't well off.

Original poster
Ragdoll1234 · 01/01/2019 20:36

Niece... sorry just looked at my spelling

OP posts:
WWWWicked · 01/01/2019 20:36

If we were going to spend £50+ on Christmas presents per person, DH and I would have a discussion about it.

We spend that and more on parents, but not on nephews/nieces - they usually get £20 plus a selection box or something very small to unwrap.

user1493413286 · 01/01/2019 20:38

I spend £15-20 on children and not that much more on adults. I think £20 is plenty; I can think of loads of things I could get with £20 that I would be very happy with.