Haven’t heard from my boyfriend since Saturday

[ihavetogoshoppingnow]

We’ve been dating for 6 months we’re not the type that text each other all day long but we always message each other good morning and usually have some kind of text conversation in a day.

I left his house Saturday lunchtime and he was getting ready to meet his friends in town for food then they were going out out later on we talked a little but while he was out then around 9pm I text him saying have a good night and let me know when your home he said he would and text me saying good night. Woke up Sunday morning and he hadn’t text so I text him the usual good morning and asked about his night I didn’t hear anything all day but assumed he was just sleeping/hungover I text him again Sunday night asking if he was alright and the message didn’t deliver I tried to ring him and it went straight to voicemail and has done ever since. I assumed at first he’d just lost his phone in his flat and let it die (this happens a lot he’s not the type who’s always got his phone in his hand) but he was supposed to be going out again last night for New Years and the phone is still dead so I’m starting to get really worried because he wouldn’t have gone out without it.

Not really sure why I’m posting or what help people could be but I just needed to talk to someone, maybe have some reassurance?

Goodness, am really surprised at so many people suggesting he got into a fight What kind of men do you know ?

If you cant see his status and there is one tick mark you have most definitely been blocked

Not true. My brother has his status switched off all the time. If a phone is switched off then the message will show one tick til its back on and the message is delivered

I can’t access my works email outside of work as its on a secure network you have to use your work laptop or phone and I don’t have a work phone. I’m not sure if he can get on his probably not as he doesn’t ever work from home or have the kind of job where he would need any access his email outside of work hours. I’m just going to keep myself busy tonight and hope to get an email from him in the morning if not I ring his work tomorrow, if he’s not gone to work then I will know if something’s seriously wrong because he’s never missed a days work in the year that I’ve known him

It all sounds a bit odd. I hope he turns up safe and sound (unless he has got off with someone else in which case I hope his balls drop off)

Just go to his flat. There will be hundreds of messages here with speculations here which can be resolved easily. Take the kids to the flat, it's no big deal. He may be a ghosting bastard but he may also be unwell in his flat and maybe needing help. Depends how much you care really. If it were me, I would check if he is OK first, and then would hate him if he deserves it.

I still think most likely is he has lost his phone and doesnt have OPs number. And isnt thinking at all that she will be worrying about him, especially if he had plans with others to take his mind off it.

Just ring his phone using a different number OP! Then at least you know if your blocked or not.

If your not blocked I would actually be pretty worried.

Can you find any of his friends he was with on social media and message them? Even if your not friends you can drop them a message normally.

Get DH to look after his own kids and drive over and check. I think ghosting though, sorry OP

How did you originally meet each other?

JinglingHellsBells his laid back ness has been frustrating before but really I think it’s just a cultural difference he will know that I’ll be thinking about him but he probably won’t realise that I’m worrying to the extent that I am or imagining that he could be dead/hurt somewhere etc he’s a very caring person and shows a lot of affection he just wouldn’t think the same way as I would if it was me he couldn’t get hold of he would be more logical about it and just assume I’d lost my phone or dropped and broke it and wait for me to get in touch

Why why why are people suggesting the OP takes her children with her to check on a grown man who she has only been seeing 6 months?! Totally inappropriate and a huge overreaction to not texting for a few days. Just wait it out, if he texts he texts, if he doesn't move on with your head held high.

It is most likely a lost phone. I wouldn’t worry about him blocking you. That seems much more unlikely.

Ex is still out and not answering his phone

OldWomanSaysThis we met at work, he was temping for a few months before he got a new permanent job, we got together just before he left

N

I have skimmed the full thread and no-one seems to have suggested the he is in custody having had a messy night and got into trouble? He won't have appeared in court yet because of the holiday

Check the court rolls online OP. If he was lifted on Saturday he would have been up on Monday.

I think the lost phone is most likely. He's probably mad hes not been able to contact you

If that is the case make sure you write each others numbers down some where in case it happens again 😊

Jingling Goodness, am really surprised at so many people suggesting he got into a fight hmm What kind of men do you know ?

Sadly some people go out looking for a fight and will start on randomers: you don’t have to be a ‘certain type of person’ like you’re insinuating to end up assaulted on a night out where you come across hundreds of inebriated disinhibited strangers.

What strikes me as odd OP is that as much as you say he’s culturally much more laid back than you, surely after six months he knows you well enough to know something like this would worry you? Even if it wouldn’t bother him, how would he not know your personality enough by now to know that you would be concerned by three days of no contact at all?

So I think he just isn’t that into you. If I lost my phone and didn’t have my casual boyfriend’s number memorised, know where he lived, I would create a Facebook profile (or log into an old one like he has the option to), find him or someone close to him and send a message on there.

Barring being in a coma, if he wanted to be in touch with you he would. With so much distance between you and with how casual it is, I reckon he’s met someone else or an old flame has surfaced or he’s cheated and is lying low.

Save your dignity and get on with your day, when and if he comes back you can assess the reason/excuse and see what you make of it.

Hope he’s ok

Sounds like a dead phone to me.
Although if he had an Amazon tablet at home then he can use WhatsApp on that, or it would take 2 seconds to create a Facebook profile and message you on there. I think he’s still partying and is just too drunk to care about the phone for the minute. I’ve been awol before for about a week!

his laid back ness has been frustrating before but really I think it’s just a cultural difference he will know that I’ll be thinking about him but he probably won’t realise that I’m worrying to the extent that I am

Well, if that's how he is OP I feel you could be incompatible.

If you envisage this relationship going anywhere in the future, it looks as if you are poles apart in terms of how you behave.

6 months in and you are pretty frantic.

I think you are setting your sights too low. It could be cultural or he could be an arse.

Sorry.

@VietnameseCrispyFish
But look- IF he has lost his phone or there is an issue with HOW WILL HE CONTACT HER?

I'm a bit tired of people saying 'if he cared enough he'd find a way'...

short of being a clairvoyant, how is he supposed to contact her?

No phone
No number
No address

Ok there is another possibility which does equal being ghosted but doesn’t actually make him an arsehole for doing so.

If a poster on here (or a friend in RL) said that they were in a relationship with someone who:

Still lived with their ex therefore they couldn’t go round to the house ever or know where they lived
Couldn’t meet the kids
Could only get together once a week because of the above.

Most people would say that either: “he/she is married still and the ex isn’t as much of an ex as he/she says,” or that the situation is such a mess and so unresolved that getting into a relationship on any level is incredibly unwise considering. Given that he’s not been out with his friends before is it possible that they’ve heard about the relationship for the first time and have advised him to run, even to ghost you if they think that you’re still legitimately married and have not been truthful with him?

FWIW I’m not accusing you of lying, but your setup is incredibly condusive to people thinking that it’s not all it’s cracked up to be.

And in actual reality, this relationship doesn’t have any kind of future as it is. You’re still living with your ex (when will you be living separately? Do you have separate bedrooms?” He can’t come over to your house? Your kids are presumably unaware that you’ve split up and even if they are you cannot introduce them to him until you’ve been moved out for a considerable time so that’s not in the near future either....

As for the posters saying the OP should demand the ex come home to look after his kids so the OP can go out looking for a boyfriend she’s started seeing while she’s still living under the same roof as him, if my ex had done that I would have told him to do one.

Living under the same roof and having mostly separate lives is one thing, living under the same roof and rubbing the new relationships in the other one’s face is quite on another level and would be incredibly disrespectful, and no way should anyone have to accommodate that.

Hope this gets sorted tomorrow.

He sounds a bit man-childy.

not Sure what the dynamic is - you know stuff, but only what he’s told you, he doesn’t really know where you live, ExH in residence...

There doesn’t seem to be anything than a very tenuous link here, certainly no commitment. Someone in their 30s would surely have things a bit more ‘together’. You sound like each other’s bit on the side!

I don’t think ghosting, but lost phone/nicked for something/hospital are a possibility but because of the lack of an adult relationship you won’t know until he decides to get in touch. If his phone is lost and he didn’t keep your number elsewhere.....

‘Last seen’ on WhatsApp is when THEY last looked at that chat, not you, so unless he’s turned it off (and it defaults to ‘on’ so you have to physically go and turn it off manually) he hasn’t been on WhatsApp.

I would find some way to pop to his flat, just as a ‘hope you’re ok’. I’d just need to know. How would you get hold of the ExH if one of the kids was ill? Too many adult men living without a care in the world!!

Hope he gets in touch soon