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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Haven’t heard from my boyfriend since Saturday

470 replies

ihavetogoshoppingnow · 01/01/2019 12:36

We’ve been dating for 6 months we’re not the type that text each other all day long but we always message each other good morning and usually have some kind of text conversation in a day.

I left his house Saturday lunchtime and he was getting ready to meet his friends in town for food then they were going out out later on we talked a little but while he was out then around 9pm I text him saying have a good night and let me know when your home he said he would and text me saying good night. Woke up Sunday morning and he hadn’t text so I text him the usual good morning and asked about his night I didn’t hear anything all day but assumed he was just sleeping/hungover I text him again Sunday night asking if he was alright and the message didn’t deliver I tried to ring him and it went straight to voicemail and has done ever since. I assumed at first he’d just lost his phone in his flat and let it die (this happens a lot he’s not the type who’s always got his phone in his hand) but he was supposed to be going out again last night for New Years and the phone is still dead so I’m starting to get really worried because he wouldn’t have gone out without it.

Not really sure why I’m posting or what help people could be but I just needed to talk to someone, maybe have some reassurance?

OP posts:
Mayhemmumma · 01/01/2019 22:08

I hope you find out soon

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 01/01/2019 22:22

Many years ago, my then boyfriend disappeared completely for a few days (pre-mobile phones but it was very similar circs - all fine and normal then - gone). It wasn't until I tracked down his mate and told him that I was so worried I was considering calling the police that the mate told me about the other girlfriend...

Hope it's a better outcome for you, OP.

tartantroosers · 01/01/2019 22:24

Hope you find out soon.

Beansandcoffee · 01/01/2019 22:26

You can message via FB if you have lost your phone ie via a laptop or tablet.

I was ghosted in a relationship of over 12 months. Didn’t reply to my texts etc. So I sent one saying that if he didn’t respond I would be calling the police. Within 10 mins he had replied to me explaining that the relationship was finished.

TheFormidableMrsC · 01/01/2019 22:27

@MumsyJ No I didn't misunderstand at all..you clearly stated that you thought the OP was going to take her frustrations out on her children. It's there in black and white. How dare you! OP is trying to build a life for herself, has been with somebody for 6 months, has kept her children separate and indeed has not rushed round there today because of her children. She has shown herself to be a perfectly responsible and invested parent and is living in difficult circumstances. The vile comments on this thread leave me disgusted.

JinglingHellsBells · 01/01/2019 22:32

That doesn't make it right though does it Hmm?

I'm old enough to have dated before mobiles or the internet existed. I keep a copy of phone nos and so forth written down, for the very reason that phones can pack up or whatever. Maybe it's something the younger generation need to learn :)

OP If anything really bad had occured like an RTA or an accident, you'd possibly be able to find it on your local BBC news website or local paper website.

Otherwise, sit tight. It's only 4 days. You've said he's unreliable and laid back.

I tend to agree with the others who say don't chase him. Maybe call his workplace to ask if you can talk to him, or ask if he is in the office today, or whatever to settle your mind.

kateclarke · 01/01/2019 22:32

Good luck, I hope you get some sleep tonight.

I bet you can’t think of anything but this.

JinglingHellsBells · 01/01/2019 22:32

That was for @iamataloss

SparklyMagpie · 01/01/2019 22:34

Hope you can make contact with him OP x

Passing4Human · 01/01/2019 22:37

I think his phone has been lost on the night out OP. I see nothing strange at all in not knowing someone's exact address after 6 months, nor in having relied on a mobile phone for contact. Until it goes wrong, you don't realise how reliant on your phone you are for information. When my phone died a while ago, I realised I didn't have my best friend's number written down anywhere else, stupidly!

I don't know why this thread had brought out quite so many total cnuts. The people saying they are just "telling it like it is" and insisting they categorically KNOW that you've been ghosted, that your BF just sees you as a friend with benefits, that (I particular LOVED this one) your BF has shown no signs of a "solid work ethic" and is therefore unreliable and not a good prospect..?! (I speculated to myself that hopefully that poster was on glue or still drunk from last night)... I could go on.... but these are just speculations based on nothing, and I would ignore them. It's fine for people to mention possibilities, but it really gets on my tits when you get the, "I'm sorry but you've clearly been ghosted OP" kind of comment.

Oh, and you don't sound remotely "desperate". You sound like you've been sensibly taking things slowly with your relationship and as you said, even without the domestic situation with your ex, who would have introduced their children to their BF anyway at this point? If you'd come on here saying you were worried because your children love your new BF and were missing him, you'd have been slated for rushing in to a relationship and involving your children. You can't win on here it seems sometimes.

I hope you hear from him tomorrow and all is well. I hope you manage to sleep ok and are having an alright evening considering how worried you must be (and also considering some of the responses on this thread).

Yabbers · 01/01/2019 22:45

Hope you find him tomorrow.

youaremyrain · 01/01/2019 22:45

@ihavetogoshoppingnow I agree with the Pp who said to ring his work so that you know if he's in or not, (you can alert them if he's not) as emails can go unread or ignored

Good luck

PillarsOfTheEarth · 01/01/2019 22:47

Passing4Human 100% right. Excellent post.

HeyArthur · 01/01/2019 22:51

I can't get over people saying to take your kids and go round to his. Clearly more for their benefit than yours as that's completely ridiculous!

Waiting until you can fire off an email at work tomorrow op is the sensible thing even though it does mean the vultures will have to wait to find out what's happened but what can you do they do love their drama Hmm

Original poster
ihavetogoshoppingnow · 01/01/2019 22:55

JinglingHellsBells I said he had a laid back attitude not that he was unreliable, there hadn’t been a day before Sunday that we had gone without speaking to each other even if it was just a good morning text, he’s never let me down or cancelled plans.

It has made me realise though that aside from having Facebook which I could get on my laptop that EVERYTHING is on my phone and I would be lost without it I don’t know any of my friends/family’s numbers or emails heck I don’t even know most of my friends addresses so I’m going to write some important info down incase it’s ever me in that situation

OP posts:
TheFormidableMrsC · 01/01/2019 23:00

@Passing4Human Nailed it. You are far more polite than I am. This thread is a perfect example of women who can't support women because they are judgemental bitches.

Tabbytwitchet · 01/01/2019 23:08

Gosh I can't believe some of the ott negative conclusions some people have come to!

Ohhh OP, I can imagine you're extremely worried and upset, and you're playing out a thousand scenarios in your head over this, but just try to stay calm and tell yourself that the likely outcome is that he's lost his phone and you'll be able to get in contact tomorrow and all will be fine... Although he might owe you a bunch of flowers for the stress!

I have a very laid back partner and he's drove me insane in the past with making me worry. Because he doesn't panic if he doesn't hear from me it doesn't cross his mind that I could be going out of my mind with worry after trying to get hold of him all day! We've been together 13 years and his "laidbackness" still drives me nuts sometimes! A few years ago he had a Xmas party in Spain, I spoke to him in the morning and he said he'd call later that evening. So I waited for his call and nothing, so I assumed he was obviously busy so I tried calling him at midnight to say I was going to bed, and his phone went straight to voicemail. I went to bed but was a bit worried as he did say he'd call but shrugged it off at this point. Anyway, next day still nothing, so tried him again at midday... nothing... tried again later on.... nothing.... it got to the evening the next day and I was really worried by now, it had been 36 hours with no contact from him, and he KNEW I'd be wondering what was going on. I tried facebook, email, etc and eventually resorted to contacting his bosses wife to get his number, colleagues he was with, and was trying to hunt down the hotel they were at. I really was picturing the worst. Then.... he finally called very late that evening, while I sat there in floods of tears, basically planning his funeral! And although he was apologetic, he couldn't understand why I was worried?!?! Turns out they'd got so so drunk, he ran out of battery and passed out before charging his phone, then slept for 24 hours. What a state. One of the lads missed their flight back as he was still so hungover the next day!

I think when someone is that laid back, they cant comprehend what it's like to not be as chilled out as them. I bet your partner will email tomorrow and apologise for the lack of contact, and not even think for a second that he could have really worried you. Try to get some sleep and update us when you can, he's got a whole host of mumsnetters worrying about him now!!

Furrycushion · 01/01/2019 23:16

I wish people would RTFT. To summarise:
He doesn't have Facebook
They don't have mutual friends
He doesn't know where she lives
She isn't going to take the children round.

There's probably other stuff too!

Good luck OP, I hope all is ok.

chocolatelover9 · 01/01/2019 23:20

Hope you find out tomorrow and that he's ok OP 💐

Crunchymum · 01/01/2019 23:21

In the early days, I had my DP's number written down in my purse (didn't help when I had my whole bag - including purse and phone nicked)

This was before smart phones and social media. He managed to track me down at work using directory enquiries. I drew a blank contacting him as he was self employed.

Xanadu44 · 01/01/2019 23:23

For what it's worth OP I think his phone has been stolen/lost/damaged and I think you'll get to work to an email already from him. I hope you get to sleep tonight Thanks

NooMe · 01/01/2019 23:26

I can't get over people saying to take your kids and go round to his. Clearly more for their benefit than yours as that's completely ridiculous!

I suggested this as the OP seems worried that something has happened to him. How I would feel is that I would want to know as soon as possible that he's okay or know for certain if he had ghosted me. We all behave differently in situations like this and suggesting the OP go round to his house is what I would do.

Imustbemad00 · 01/01/2019 23:31

I’m the suspicious type but even I think lost phone.

hellsbellsmelons · 01/01/2019 23:33

Sounds like a lost or stolen phone.
I really hope you get a response to email tomorrow.

LiquoricePickle · 01/01/2019 23:39

My guess is lost or stolen phone. Hope you can get in touch tomorrow.