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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Haven’t heard from my boyfriend since Saturday

470 replies

ihavetogoshoppingnow · 01/01/2019 12:36

We’ve been dating for 6 months we’re not the type that text each other all day long but we always message each other good morning and usually have some kind of text conversation in a day.

I left his house Saturday lunchtime and he was getting ready to meet his friends in town for food then they were going out out later on we talked a little but while he was out then around 9pm I text him saying have a good night and let me know when your home he said he would and text me saying good night. Woke up Sunday morning and he hadn’t text so I text him the usual good morning and asked about his night I didn’t hear anything all day but assumed he was just sleeping/hungover I text him again Sunday night asking if he was alright and the message didn’t deliver I tried to ring him and it went straight to voicemail and has done ever since. I assumed at first he’d just lost his phone in his flat and let it die (this happens a lot he’s not the type who’s always got his phone in his hand) but he was supposed to be going out again last night for New Years and the phone is still dead so I’m starting to get really worried because he wouldn’t have gone out without it.

Not really sure why I’m posting or what help people could be but I just needed to talk to someone, maybe have some reassurance?

OP posts:
TheFormidableMrsC · 01/01/2019 19:41

@MumsyJ How on earth did you reach the conclusion that the OP would "take her frustrations out" on her children?????????

2019rubberband · 01/01/2019 19:48

do not distract yourself from your lovely children and do not take out your frustration on them.

Oh FFS. What?

Some people are right dicks.

I noted you posted flowers at the end of this pish to the OP. Do you really think that makes it ok!

Grobagsforever · 01/01/2019 19:56

It is amazing how relationships with men who are not the father of your children are considered to be 'distractions' whereas putting your energy into a failing marriage is ok......

slightlysnippy · 01/01/2019 20:08

OP it's only been 3 days, sounds as if he's lost his phone, and as you were not expected to meet up he's not thought about contacting you.

Not surprised your worried I'm sure if will be fine when you speak to him at work tomorrow.

homebirds · 01/01/2019 20:10

I hope you hear soon. I would have to go round just for peace of mind he's not ill. The kids don't need to know he's not just a friend.

crappyday2018 · 01/01/2019 20:10

Hi OP, if you have his number then could you ask a friend to text him/whatsapp him? that would at least show you whether he has blocked you or not. If their message delivers, he has blocked you.

I hope you get some answers soon as its so easy to think the worst.

Coyoacan · 01/01/2019 20:12

2019rubberband

Have you not heard about the additional distress caused to families after a major disaster when they are trying to trace loved ones?

allupsidedown · 01/01/2019 20:17

The poor OP came on here to get some reassurance and instead is possibly more upset than when she first logged on.
The people who think it weird to have no social media, I know plenty of people, in the 30s or 40s, my dh included who have no social media accounts. My dh logs on to Twitter to read it but never posts anything.
The people who all immediately think she has been ghosted, surely it is more likely he has lost his phone.
Hopefully, you will hear from him tomorrow and everything will be fine.

Cuttingthegrass · 01/01/2019 20:17

OP I'm sure he's lost his phone and is waiting to contact you tomorrow at work. As you say there is no other way he can contact you.

2019rubberband · 01/01/2019 20:18

Have you not heard about the additional distress caused to families after a major disaster when they are trying to trace loved ones?

Of course I have, why?

Not sure what you are trying to say?

fanofleetwoodmac · 01/01/2019 20:19

Have you not heard about the additional distress caused to families after a major disaster when they are trying to trace loved ones?

What an incredible comparison

Magenta46 · 01/01/2019 20:20

I can't get this out of my head. I've been ghosted and lost contact with people. A quick call to the police just in case there has been an incident. It might give you some peace of mind.
If and when he does come back to you, be sure to give him a massive bollocking,.

whatsthepointthen · 01/01/2019 20:22

Calling the police would be massively ott, look how common ghosting is on here. Imagine someone calling the police every time it happened.

MadameButterface · 01/01/2019 20:23

What is the point in catastrophising at this point, really? If he doesn’t contact op tomorrow when another line of communication is open again, then would be the time to bust out the ghosting/tragic accident/been arrested anecdotes. Many people rely completely on their phone to communicate/store contact details and they’re lost without it. How many of you who have fb have seen a status like ‘washed my phone today 😬 if anyone needs me message me on here’? Then obvs when people haven’t got fb that’s not an option. Likewise, some relationships aren’t all about being in each other’s pockets constantly and that’s perfectly fine too

MyAuntyBadger · 01/01/2019 20:25

I reckon he's dropped his phone down the loo or something. He's probably desperate to let you know but has no way of contacting you. Hope it works out ok in the end, and you're back to normal tomorrow.

Bunnyfuller · 01/01/2019 20:29

Call one of your mutual friends?

Katgurl · 01/01/2019 20:31

I hope this gets cleared up tomorrow op. If it was just carelessness make sure you let him know he must never put you through anything like this again.

Magenta46 · 01/01/2019 20:40

Calling the police after a 4 day absence that is totally out of character is not OTT. I would/have done this

youaremyrain · 01/01/2019 20:43

OP I think most people are saying that the most likely outcome (as in most often repeated scenario) is sadly a ghosting - I agree that lots of posters have had this happen and their bitterness is evident

Although a broken phone is a possibility, if he had strong enough feelings for you, hopefully he would realise how this might look and be keen enough to reassure you and contact you.

The worst case scenario for him is severe illness etc (which is recoverable from in terms of your relationship)

usernamefromhell · 01/01/2019 20:48

I think it is very unpleasant that some people assume that anyone who has children and starts dating is "desperate" and that the OP has been advised to "focus on your children". There's no suggestion anywhere here that she's done anything other than focus on her children and she is perfectly entitled to have a romantic/social life even if it isn't always plain sailing.

But those people who are saying that we are being overly negative by suggesting she has been ghosted need to give their heads a wobble. Ghosting is unfortunately very common in the era of online dating. This bloke has vanished off the radar and not surfaced for almost four days and the OP needs to face up to the fact that he has probably dumped her or even if he hasn't he has behaved like a selfish twat and is not worthy of any more of her time. Its unpleasant but much better to deal with this now and cut losses than spend more time trying to chase him and track him down which at best is undignified and at worst could expose her to further pain.

OP I would just leave it and I wouldn't do anything like email him at work, I'd hold onto your dignity and walk away with your head held high. In the best case scenario he has been extremely thoughtless, which suggests a lack of care and concern for you, more likely he is just a thoughtless prick and has got cold feet or met someone else and hasn't got the spine to tell you to your face.

Walk away, don't contact him again and chalk it up to experience. And if he contacts you with a half-arsed explanation don't give him the time of day.

ZigZagIntoTheBlue · 01/01/2019 20:49

I hope all is resolved tomorrow op when he is contactable through work!

Dollymixture22 · 01/01/2019 20:51

Don’t email him at work - phone him. At 10am. If he is work and has made no effort to contact you then you have your answer. If he hasn’t made it into work the. You can alert them he has been out of contact for a few days.

What lever has happened, it is likely he is unhurt. You can decide tomorrow if he has a good reason.

likeridingabike · 01/01/2019 20:52

Fontofnoknowledge Absolutely right, always the same, the very idea of a mother dating seems to cause outrage to some posters, who have no idea what it's like trying to date with children, a home to run, work etc. of course it's not the same as dating in your 20s the dynamic is completely different. Just because the OP isn't totally engaged with his life after 6 months he must be married, FFS. If you introduce your children to men your dating it's a safeguarding issue, if you haven't introduced them or had them over to your home apparently you must be fuck buddies. So much pearl clutching.

Ragaroo · 01/01/2019 20:53

OP, just because someone has been cheated on and hurt in the past, does not mean they aren't capable of doing the same to someone else. I've been on the receiving end and I know it's possible.

It doesn't explain your situation but you need to keep an open mind. Sometimes life throws some shockers at you. Good luck, I hope all is well, but if he is ghosting/cheating/hiding then I hope he gets what is coming to him.

Calzone · 01/01/2019 21:01

I’m overly invested in knowing where he is now.