Is A Snog Infidelity?

[daisydreams]

After claiming he was depressed but not enough to go to GPs Dh told me in late January that he'd "snogged" a colleague at the Xmas nite out. When I asked what was he thinking about, he said "Oh this feels nice". He never said sorry, did say that the depression was really guilt and that was the delay in telling me and he didn't want to upset me(!)He wont talk about it just wants things to go back to normal. I feel broken in two am I over-reacting?

I am not insecure but I do expect my DH to remain faithful to me, physically and emotionally. It's just trsut isn't it? DH expects the same from me also. He isn't insecure either.

Oh, it was a bit of fun ... well, that's alright then

What's wrong with coming home to the wife for your bit of fun then, rather than snogging someone else?

It is a big deal to some people if their partners go behind their backs with someone else - even if it is "just" a snog. How nice that you feel so happy to give your dh permission to do whatever he does with his groupies, Bishop; I, on the other hand, have far more self-respect than to allow myself to behave like a doormat and accept such behaviour.

i don't think a kiss is 'cheating' or grounds for divorce, but i think it's reasonable to be hurt and want some answers. in fact, if i snogged someone else i'd expect DH to be annoyed...if he wasn't i'd be quite hurt myself!!

Bishop - can I take it you didn't read my post then?

My ex-h started with a 'bit of a snog' & when forgiven for that went further in stages 'til he wound up having a full-blown affair. If you're happy to sit there while your oh gets up to all sorts then fine, that's up to you. However other women have realised that actually, we don't have to put up with that.

Oh Bishop!
Please read the thread again, it was the way dh handled it so badly, the not telling, the "go-on-a-diet", the refusal to discuss it, the telling me what a nice person she is, the delay of a month in telling me, the big delay in apologising that really hurt. The party snog was the smallest part. I just couldn't handle all of the above. My dh is not an international musician, we do not believe in allowing other people to enter our marriage - he knew that. I'm a bit disturbed by your condoning of what goes on at conferences.We don't all wish to live our life your way. I wonder why you've contributed to this thread at all other than to possibly start a debate about marriage vows. I signed up for the full contract and its within that context I have asked for MNs comments.. And support. Thanks Greebo

my sister is totally in love with her dh, but is also a random snogger. i find it weird but she and her dh don't think snogging is a big deal.

What I don't understand is why being a bit tipsy/drunk is an excuse? aren't we old enough to hold ourselves acountable for our own actions? even the one of not been careful about the amount we drink?

I really find the excuse of being drunk ridiculous, being it a bit of snogging or killing someone while drunk and driving.

Message withdrawn

Yes, that's why is important not to get drunk

bishop-

i think you will find that insecure women are the ones who let thier oh's walk all over them and do whatever they want for fear of losing them.in a strong relationship one can make it clear what is unacceptable behaviour and what would cause the relationship to end.

of course,there are those who have 'open' relationships,and thats fine if two adults have agreed that thats ok in the context of their relationship.

it is not ok to go behing somebody's back and betray them,in any way.

i cant help but wonder if women with attitudes like yours are just brainwashed or have just never been in love....

If a bloke wants to snog/shag about perhaps he just shouldn't get married in the first place, I agree with the posts that say your attitude, Bishop, is taking women back about 100 years.

If someone makes a committment to me then I expect them to sstand by it.
Divastrop's last post was very good.