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Original poster

Is A Snog Infidelity?

136 replies

daisydreams · 27/06/2007 15:57

After claiming he was depressed but not enough to go to GPs Dh told me in late January that he'd "snogged" a colleague at the Xmas nite out. When I asked what was he thinking about, he said "Oh this feels nice". He never said sorry, did say that the depression was really guilt and that was the delay in telling me and he didn't want to upset me(!)He wont talk about it just wants things to go back to normal. I feel broken in two am I over-reacting?

OP posts:
Monkeytrousers · 27/06/2007 21:43

I'm with HD; kicki him in the cock - make him hurt

electra · 27/06/2007 21:43

daisy - I think as others have said that I would be more upset about the comments he made about her and you tbh.

Monkeytrousers · 27/06/2007 21:46

I don't think it is easy to get onto a situation where you would kiss someone - flirting can make you feel better - kissing is a goose step over the line!

toy23 · 27/06/2007 21:46

daisydreams Well if he refuses to talk to you and buggers off to stay at a friends whats the point, he obviously dont care enough about the relationships to try and save it.Why should you try and save the relationship and not him it takes 2 people to have a relationship, and it also takes 2 people to make a relationship work.

Original poster
daisydreams · 27/06/2007 21:47

I'm hoping that friend will talk sense into him. Friend is incredibly grounded, has kids, married knows me and he well enough.
It's true though, it was the not telling me and the lying when I was asking if things were OK. Depression is awful but if it's that bad you don't really want to go to a big night out and then, oh yeah. "only had a couple of pints" before going for lock-on.
I feel betrayed.

OP posts:
divastrop · 27/06/2007 21:48

aitch-good point.

rhubarb-i thought the 'depression' was actually him feeling guilty.

not that its an excuse for infedelity.

Rhubarb · 27/06/2007 21:49

Actually getting drunk is escapism.

He doesn't sound happy and is perhaps afraid to tell you?

Why not ask his friend to be mediator whilst you two have a chat? I think you need counselling, I think he needs to talk because he is clearly running away from something.

divastrop · 27/06/2007 21:50

if you are determined to make it work with him then maybe you should snog somebody else as well,then you'd be equal if nothing else.

toy23 · 27/06/2007 21:51

Rhubarb my Dp divastrop has suffered from depression and has had it rearly bad.I love her deaply and have always been buy her side, yes we had our fallouts but i never once looked at another woman or even considered it why would I. I respect and love her and if you respect and love some1 you stand buy them, not bugger off with some1 else because the going gets rough.

Aitch · 27/06/2007 21:51

well you have every right to feel betrayed, because he has betrayed you. but it may not be fatal. it all depends on what you and he want now and how hard you are prepared to work for it.

Original poster
daisydreams · 27/06/2007 21:51

Lol, thanks divastrop but I think my mates would send me home with a flea in my ear!

OP posts:
Rhubarb · 27/06/2007 21:52

Now now, 2 wrongs do not make a right.

The signs are all there, he is running away. You need to find out why and what from. You might hear things you don't want to, but be prepared to listen and not interrupt.

toy23 · 27/06/2007 21:52

By Rhubarb on Wed 27-Jun-07 21:49:13
Actually getting drunk is escapism.

He doesn't sound happy and is perhaps afraid to tell you?

Why not ask his friend to be mediator whilst you two have a chat? I think you need counselling, I think he needs to talk because he is clearly running away from something.

No he is just being a typical male not facing the fact that he was in the wrong.

Rhubarb · 27/06/2007 21:56

And you know all of this because.....?

According to your previous posts, you would have kicked me out after my snogs.

Original poster
daisydreams · 27/06/2007 21:56

Well maybe the time out at friends will help him see things differently. I have asked him to tell me like it is, I'm a big girl and I can take it but all he says is he wants it back the way it was. I'll wait and see what happens after work tomorrow. Friend says he needs to collect some clothes.

OP posts:
toy23 · 27/06/2007 21:58

Rhubarb i was just giving a mans point of view.

Rhubarb · 27/06/2007 21:59

Fair enough.

I'm just giving an alternative point of view.

toy23 · 27/06/2007 22:06

Rhubarb the way i see it its ok for you all to talk about what men are probably thinking. But rearly there is only 1 person that can answer that and thats daisydreams DH.But i think my view is probably a bit better than youres being a man myself.

Rhubarb · 27/06/2007 22:07

Ooooooooooooooooooh!

Get you!

divastrop · 27/06/2007 22:13

daisydreams-when he says he wants it back to the way it was,what does he mean?the way it was when?

Original poster
daisydreams · 27/06/2007 22:13

OK before beddy-byes toy23 what do you think is going on in his manly mind? DH has said I need to go on a diet, fair enough. I've asked him repeatedly to tell it like it is. I've even asked him to take time out, to go and see his family who live 6 hours travel away but no. He reminds me of Father Stone in the Father Ted series!!!!

OP posts:
divastrop · 27/06/2007 22:15

OMG.tell him to eff off out of your life,go on a diet if you want to,then go and snog as many men as you want!!!

Rhubarb · 27/06/2007 22:16

I doubt he knows himself what exactly is wrong - speaking as one who has been like this (toy23!)

You know him best Daisy, you've had lots of advice here, do what you feel is best for you and the kids.

Chelseamum · 27/06/2007 22:17

No you are not overeacting.

I would be very very very upset...

Original poster
daisydreams · 27/06/2007 22:18

divastrop not sure as this was the source of the major bluey today. Apparently when I thought everything was great at the end of last year - we'd gotten over serious money probs and finally moved house - it seems he was depressed.That really threw me. So I don't know if he wants to go back to that(?) or some time before kids, he just keeps saying "the way it was". I've pointed out I can't ever trust him again so I guess we have to make a new future. I would help if he was here to talk to, maybe not.

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