Married to someone with Asperger's? Support group here! (Thread 3)

[ChangerOfNameAspieThread]

This thread is for partners seeking to understand the dynamics of their relationship with someone with ASD. It is a support thread, and a safe space to have a bit of a rant. Avoid sweeping generalisations if possible, try and keep it specific to you and your partner.
(ASD partners welcome to lurk or pop in, but please don't argue with other posters and tell them they are wrong.)

Some resources from the threads so far:
www.theneurotypical.com/effects-on-differing-nd-levels.html
www.maxineaston.co.uk/cassandra/
I've probably missed some, but will try to gather them later and put in a comment for the next thread!

Previous threads:
1st thread: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3281058-Is-anyone-married-to-someone-with-Aspergers
2nd thread: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3325419-married-to-someone-with-asperger-s-support-group-here

this is OUR support thread - read the title as it's very clear what the thread is all about.

This is an extraordinary expectation. I can't imagine how you came up with this idea if not for the Faaas advocacy to dismiss and ignore autistic perspective as invalid and assert a fictitious 'safe space' for avert discrimination and hate speech. This is what Faaas advocate and I could imagine that after having read a lot of it it start to seem like an attractive idea.

But this NOT your thread. It never was. There is no such thing as your thread on a public forum. There is no safe space for discrimination and hate speech. You cannot have an expectation to 'own' a thread about people with disability. This topic belongs to them, to the entire society. They are a protected by law to be free from discrimination and harassment.

Oh I give up too. I’ve tried to explain and tried to get both POV.

Scarcasm is clearly lost. And trying to explain doesn’t help either.

FWIW, this is what has been described in those threads.
The impossibility to have a discussion and talk

On person tries to explain one thing as the other is understanding something completely different.

It’s like speaking another langage whilst thinking we are speaking the same.

:( :( because actually if NT ar missing out understanding ASD people, people with ASD are also missing out understanding how hard it is for NTs.

And I am refusing to get into a match of ‘I have it worse than you’ regardless of the reason and using disability. Because you have NO IDEA of what other people have gone though. Illnesses, difficult childhood, whatever.
Playing the card of disability is low tbh.

You know what Gauda? after a lot of restraint at your goady comments for weeks, I'm going to say a MN classic phrase and tell you what I really think of you.
ODFODTTFSOFSATFOSM.
And @MNHQ, if you delete this, I wonder why? As far worse gets left to stand on other threads. But this thread, for some reason (wonder why?) seems to attract double standards for those of us reporting the bullying posts from people like Gauda.

And yes, I'm out too, now.
Have fun shouting into an empty room Gauda and the rest of you. Well done.
That's sarcasm, BTW.

I’d like to know why @autistichedgehog post has been deleted?

Does it have something to do with not wanting people to know she keeps a record of every single posts that are ‘abilist’?
I’m not sure why as she has told us so before???

www.different-together.co.uk

This is just another hate group, a spin off of cassandra.
Just a more private and slightly more tame.

The basis on which the discussion goes on, the analysis of the relationship is ableist and dehumanising.

'They also incite to discriminatory treatment, emotional abuse and financial exploitation of autistic partners within the family and spread malicious stereotypes and normalise hate speech. All these groups are interlinked, i.e. they link from their site to the pages and resources of another all ultimately linking to the SALVE support groups and counselling programme on the FAAAS website. They are bind together by the common ideology of discrimination and victimisation of the autistic partner within the relationship and the solution of redefining spouses new identities, ‘The Cassandras’, around their antagonism and hate towards their autistic partners. At the centre of FAAAS ideology is the dehumanising analysis of the relationship, rejection of even-handed mutual cooperation and the presumption of neurotypical righteousness, and even victimhood and autistic guilt, autistic ‘unfitness’ to be partners or even parents. The feelings, the perspective and contribution of the autistic partner to the relationship is dismissed, invalidated. 'There is no point talking to ASC , they have nothing to say'.

These groups actively promote discrimination through SALVE support groups and specific SALVE counselling. Salve programme actively discourages relationship counselling and recourse to reputable mental health professionals that are qualified to diagnose ASC and other conditions, often attributing Asperger to partners by spouses themselves. It advocates that therapists who recommend to improve mutual communication and cooperation cause harm by ‘not believing’ the NT spouses. Salve actively advocates instead specific Cassandra therapists that enable to ‘validate’ and normalise, to ‘vent’ unadulterated discrimination and vitriol about their partner under the cover of private , segregated autism free ‘safe space’.'

This is not sharing the feeling, experiences and seeking support.

Playing the card of disability is low? Fucking hell. I’m speechless.

I am autistic
I have a disability
To get my diagnosis I had to demonstrate I suffered a “clinically significant impairment” in my life.
I was isolated at school
I’ve had depression and anxiety since I was a teen - probably before too
I have been suicidal
I have been taken advantage of through naivety
I will never “fulfill my potential” (whatever that is)
I have few friends (that probably won’t surprise you)
But I’ve also fucked up and hurt people because I was Autistic trying to fit into an NT world and I HATE that I hurt them.
I spent most of my life thinking I was just a not quite proper human and it was such a relief to get my diagnosis.

So it’s not a fucking disability card, its just a fucking disability and it’s my fucking life.

And it’s made worse by some people not recognising that it is a disability, that it’s some kind of selfish manipulation - a chosen behaviour.

You get to choose your partner and you can choose to leave. I did not get to choose to be autistic and i will be autistic for life.

wands - no it was not because I keep a record of these threads.

Do you not realise that everything you post online becomes public and is in the internet forever?

It’s very easy. CTRL-C then CTRL-V

This is just another hate group, a spin off of cassandra.
Just a more private and slightly more tame.

Do you think that they are all lying?

They are no truth, no facts and no experiences, but a construct, a frame into which you could slide real ASC traits and end up with a sickening dehumanising narrative.
They are just regurgitating the narrative of faaas, it is repetitive, and frankly revolting unadulterated discrimination and hate packaged as 'support' and 'advice' normalisation of hate through safety in numbers.

The analysis, the model of the relationship is sickening.
It goes like this:

Would you, Gauda consider lying on a forum to make a point ever be justified?

Do you think that a person that lied to make a point on a forum should be listened to at all? Would you think that they have badly lost their way?

@AutisticHedgehog

Here fucking here.

If you married someobe in a wheelchair and bitched about them not being able to run a marathon with you, you'd likely be advised of being idiotic and pathetic.

I've found this (and previous threads) helpful and, as the title suggests, very supportive.

I have a (diagnosed) ASD husband. He's a good man and loving father, but my god it's hard work being married to him sometimes. I'm sure he would say the same about me (NT/ND differences and all that), and if he wanted to go and find a forum to slag off NT women like myself for being (in his eyes) nagging harridans then fine by me!

On this thread I have sometimes wept with relief that I wasn't alone in feeling how I sometimes felt, found comfort in those going through near-identical scenarios to me, and have kept an eye on proceedings throughout, hoping that those in pain would find some happiness.

Now it's been hijacked by some woke busy-bodies and it's all ruined. Cheers for that. See ya.

Evening everyone and thanks for all the reports about this one. We're going to temporarily close the thread overnight and will respond to reports tomorrow.

Thanks all.

But I’ve also fucked up and hurt people because I was Autistic trying to fit into an NT world and I HATE that I hurt them

This is a thread for supporting people who have been/are on the receiving end of that sort of behavior. Give us back our space.

Hi all, as this thread is nearing the limit of 1,000 posts, we're keeping it closed. We've set up a new one here and added the following disclaimer:

This thread is part of a long-running discussion on Mumsnet.
It was originally set up with the following request:

This thread is for partners seeking to understand the dynamics of their relationship with someone with ASD. It is a support thread, and a safe space to have a bit of a rant. Avoid sweeping generalisations if possible, try and keep it specific to you and your partner.
(ASD partners welcome to lurk or pop in, but please don't argue with other posters and tell them they are wrong).

As always, if you're concerned about any post on here, please report it to MNHQ and we'll take a look.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3524836-Married-to-someone-with-Aspergers-support-thread-4-replacement-one