Hi everyone. So fed up and tired. Late night argument with DH last night, he sure loves to pick them like that & then it ruins the next day, affecting my energy for DS. Usually on a weekend.
He has come off ADs ( he did this himself over weeks without telling me) decided he was all better after a trip yesterday to the Dr which boosted him, although he wont have counselling or CBT so has done nothing to address any issues so he basically blames things on me. Same day he goes and buys himself some Stella after not drinking for many months cos of the depression, I am proud of him for not drinking. That led to him being very arguementative and the same going round in circles. He is always a nob when he drinks that beer. We can't even have a normal discussion about anything. He twists things round and can't handle that we have a different point of view even though he says it's ok to disagree, which I know and labours that. Then he goes back to the old theme of how I apparently tell him he is wrong and his feelings are wrong, which I don't , so I am in a mad catch 22 where if I defend myself or clarify, I am sucked into the very thing he acuses me of. I am exhausted by his demands and neediness over the past year when he cannot ever make a decent effort with me. He probably would say that he makes a big effort though, but let's be honest, he hasn't made real effort to address his issues with someone who could help. He has this desperate need to have his feelings validated even though he struggles to put them into words of feelings, instead it is "I feel you do X" when I haven't even done x. But if I give him a dose of my feelings he has basically nothing to say apart from crying and sorry , but it never changes anything, yet I don't have a go at him for not understanding me, or making me feel understood, I actually don't expect that of him. I demand very little of him on a relationship level or day to day basis.
Then he went onto a nuts argument saying " either I am mad or you think I am mad, those are the only rational things" but I kept saying I don't think you are mad, but that seemed to make him more wound up. I did mention AS to him a few months ago, he was having a meltdown at the time over something trivial and was clearly struggling. I didn't say it in an attacking way, more like, maybe this would explain, but he has not taken that on board in any real sense, but now uses it against me. I am so sick of him playing the victim acting like he is under attack.
I am so unhappy, it is pointless, absolutely pointless discussing these things or anything with him re communication.
I had forgotten how annoying he is when he drinks. At least when he was in his main depression he would just go to bed early / not feel the need to score points in an argument. I can get by if I can just have a few hours in the evening to myself but when he is so demanding and causes arguments late at night it just ruins me. I give up.
Sorry for the long post. I know there will be people here who get it.
Lovely spring morning here, I have a lovely DS and yet things are overshadowed by this ridiculousness.