He's just told me he's got herpes!

[dancingqueen345]

I went on a second date last night and just as we were about to leave he said because we'd had another really good night there was something he needed to tell me, and told me that he had herpes.

I had no idea what to say so I just kind of mumbled through saying I'd had a nice time too and thanks for telling me.

I came home and started furiously googling and from what I can see there is actually a fairly small chance of passing it to a partner (provided you avoid flare ups and use protection), but I'm not sure if I can get over the mental aspect of it, am I going to be scared every time we have sex?! Will I still be able to touch him normally? Go down on him? (Sorry TMI).

I really like this guy (as much as one can after 2 dates, I'm not a believer in love at first sight), and I also massively respect how hard It must have been for him to tell me, so I want to be delicate with this, but equally I do have questions that maybe only he can answer because they could effect me long term.

Has anyone been through this or a similar situation and can firstly give me reassurance that my stats are accurate about stopping the spread, and secondly, anyone living with someone with herpes and can advise on any changes you've had to make in the bedroom/general life to accommodate it (if any!).

@bubs101 chances are that you already have the virus. Even more chance that you’ve had sex with one or person who has the virus and either doesn’t know or hasn’t told you. this guy actually carries less of a risk than that because a. He knows and b. He’s told her and c. She can avoid sexual contact if he has a breakout.

So your risk assessment is actually flawed

@wintersontheway he text back, we went on a third date, and then he ghosted me 🙃 Friggin men! 🙈

D'oh!

No OP. What a twat. And after all of that angst.

Well he can hephep away then 😂 bless you x

Oh ffs after all that. Twat

A bloody ff bet he didnt have JACK

Its a huge thing he told you - he obviously likes you and its brilliant he was so honest. Unfortunately my now hubby was not! I was pretty annoyed he gave it to me without telling me. But its not as big a deal as you might think. I went to a herpes specialist and had my blood tested and I have both viruses in my system. I had one cold sore on my mouth when I was 8 and then a 2nd one when I was 48. That's been it. Down below - I initially got them frequently the first year - I think because I was so pissed off - but now I get them infrequently - like I remember thinking I have not had one for 10 years. The big thing for me at the time is you do have to be aware before you give birth if you have an active sore as it can affect baby's eyes I believe if the virus gets in their eyes on the way out. My suggestion would be to use a condom - which is what I would suggest with a new partner with or without herpes. You may decide you want to spend the rest of your life with him - then a little virus will not matter as much to you.

Well, fair play for him for telling you, but what a shit to ghost you!

Ah well. Onward and upward, eh?

@frenchchick9 oh yes! Second date tomorrow night with a new guy 😉

Well, you don't hang around, @dancingqueen345! Have fun!

@frenchchick9 well, best way to get over someone and all that... 😂

This has boosted my confidence a lot. I recently contracted it after a cheating partner. Through no fault of my own and now im afraid of being judged but its not as bad as what it seems. Its nice too see so many positive comments on here.