The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Step Into Our Christmas Thread!

[Mouseface]

Hello, I'm Mouse

A HUGE welcome to the Bus!

This is the one and only Gerald. Over the years, we've travelled far and wide gathering some truly remarkable Babes along the way, all of whom have been (and remain to be) at different stages of their own personal journey to sobriety or controlled drinking, depending on what it is that they want to achieve.

We have those who drink daily, those who drink occasionally, and also those who have been sober for some time. The one thing that you won't find here, is any judgey knickers! We're ALL here because at one point or another, we've hit our own "rock bottom" and then smashed the shit out of the FUCK IT button! (makes a note to order a new FUCK IT button)

This is without doubt one of the hardest times of the year for many of us, what with Christmas parties, alcohol on tap, supermarkets who have offers galore of various tipples stacked from floor to ceiling, and EVERY advert on TV shows you what an amazingly cool person you can be if you were drinking whatever brand of alcohol they're flogging! Even Christmas puddings and Brandy creams are tempting fate because as soon as you digest even a small amount of alcohol, it makes your body crave more, just like smoking, medication and recreational drugs................

Then there's the gifts that you're given! Champagne Truffles, Liquors, wines, spirits, you name it! So unless you've told people about your planned journey, people assume that buying gifts like that completely acceptable. So, some may feel obliged to consume such gifts and why not? It's Christmas after all. Then we have the New Year festivities..... parties, friends and family over to have drinks because you'll stop drinking after New Years' Day won't you?

It's so damn hard not to drink if that's what you've been doing all year anyway before you even reach this time of year!! How will you cope with your Great Aunt who will check for dust by running finger over ever surface, or Uncle knobhead who will be there in his cream suit, with that suspicious stain on it and his burgundy shirt asking for a Babycham! Also, let's not forget the in-laws/out-laws! We can sometimes put so much pressure on ourselves that we convince ourselves that we DESERVE that glass or seven of wine etc.

At the end of the day, if you want to drink, then you will. I appreciate that doesn't sound supportive but it's certainly true in my case. As I have said before, the most amazing thing about this Bus and those who travel along with it, is the fact that every single one on board has a story, a reason why they're here, and we all need support in one form or another. Yes, alcohol may be the one thing that we ALL have in common but it goes way deeper than that doesn't it? Life, love and laundry for a start!

Even if you're not ready to stop or cut down on your drinking yet, that's fine! You're still welcome to hop aboard the marvellous Gerald. We're a very varied bunch of Babes but we welcome anyone in need of support, even if you're not ready to say everything that you want to yet, or you feel the need to name change, that's fine! Just know that we're here for YOU for as long as you need to be.

Mouse xxx

THIS IS THE PREVIOUS THREAD IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO CATCH UP FROM WHERE WE LEFT OFF

Hi Cara - lovely to meet you. Climb aboard: the bus is a bit quiet at the moment but I'm sure some more babes will be along soon to say hi.

You're definitely in the right place and you've been really brave in acknowledging things so frankly. It sounds like things were probably ok last night - I hope so - but if it feels like you need to treat it as a wake up call then that must be the right thing to do. I hesitate to give any advice particularly as my own issues with alcohol are less around the periodic blow outs and more about the constant daily drinking (albeit apparently 'high functioning'' which has always struck me as a weird phrase). But acknowledging the issue is the first big step. Sound like you are very self-aware and conscious of the issues that may conspire against you when you drink socially. Focussing on alternative drinks and visualising social scenarios often helps me in that sort of situation.

So welcome to the bus and I am sure some wiser babes will be along soon.

Hi Cara and welcome. I have a huge problem with not knowing when to stop in social situations. For me I found deciding at these dos I won’t drink and accepting it in a positive way is the way I cope. I find even one drink makes me anxious and then I drink more to compensate and then the disasters start! For now in large groups I can’t drink. I’m not going to worry into the future but for now it is the way I need to be.

crafty good news on a well stocked AF bar!

I had a row with Dh about money before- he’s so controlling with what is spent. I’m sick of it. I poured a glass of wine but I’ve thrown it away as I know it won’t help. Cup of tea and bed with my kindle is my plan.

Hope everyone else is ok.

Hi Cara welcome aboard! You’ll find a lot of empathy and support with no judgement on here. Some of us feel the only way to manage our difficulty with alcohol is to abstain altogether, and some of us are working at moderating. I’m not someone who can moderate. I’m someone who drank pretty heftily most days. I now feel abstinence is right for me at this stage in my life. It sounds like your pattern is using alcohol to cope in social situations. I can relate to that too, and it is scary/weird when you do your first AF social occasion, but unexpectedly nice too (especially remembering said occasion).

efc row with DH sounds rubbish and all the more power to you to throw the glass of wine down the sink in what must have been a really stressful situation.

hey Cara, welcome.

I'm also someone who drank in socially awkward situations. I loved the way that it made me feel strong and invincible and confident and uninhibited. But I hated the way that the following morning I felt ashamed and cowardly and weak and anxious.

I don't drink much these days, but I'm still the same shy person I was. Now I have strategies for dealing with both the alcohol and the social phobia...

Going to an event (even if I think I might have one or two drinks) I always, always, always start with something non-alcoholic. And I have my excuse ready: "Oh I'd love a glass of wine, but I've been running around like a loon all day, and first I need a cup of tea / large glass of water / whatever"

Do that again, the next time you're offered a drink or when your tea / water is finished.

After that you will be hydrated and not so desperate to gulp down a glass of wine / gin / beer. Also you will have survived the initial part of the social event, without a drink, and you might fond you've settled down and don't find it so awful.

Plus... you will start to see other people getting drunk and mouthing off about things. You will notice that they're not 'nice and chatty' but they are horrendous laughing hyenas. You will look at the manicured 'perfect' Mums, and notice that they are red and blotchy, and look rather tired. You will find that as their inebriation increases you feel more in control. And you may find that you don't even care what a bunch of half drunk people think about you...

The next morning you will feel just fine. Still all the crap of life, of course, but not impeded by a hangover, or guilt, or regret. In the morning, you will never regret the drink you didn't have.

smallfox 'high functioning' what an interesting phrase.

I think that functioning alcoholic is a term sometimes used to describe someone who is alcohol dependant but who (mostly) manages to function in their normal life i.e. they live at home, manage their finances, interact with their friends and family, maybe hold down a job.

I sometimes wonder whether the term high functioning was devised by professionals who 'liked a drink' and yet didn't want to admit the reality of their alcohol dependency.....?

I was 'high functioning' until I realised that I wasn't. That I was sometimes on the brink of cocking up in a massive way, that I sometimes couldn't remember an important conversation, that I forgot to send the follow up email after an evening meeting, that I lost notes that I'd written, that I was dull in the morning, that others were carrying my workload...

That's all my story, but I know now that I wasn't at all high functioning, even though I held down a high level job and managed a complex family life.

In truth, I was a barely functioning alcoholic.

Venus, I swear sometimes it is like you have climbed cleverly into my head, rearranged all the incoherence and unscrambled precisely what I was thinking. Thank you! What you say about 'high functioning/functioning' alcoholics - that's exactly, totally how I feel. Sometimes when I'm drinking I am mortified but at the same time grimly amused: people praise me for being so on top of it all, so clever to hold down 'such a good job' (ha) 'juggle' (awful word) the kids etc - whilst inside I am dying, thinking 'if only you knew' and sometimes even 'who are you anyway, I can't even remember talking to you before'.

Ho hum. Cara hope you're feeling a bit better today and had a good night's sleep. Some good advice overnight, hope things are looking a bit more positive

Off for a rainy run.

Morning you beautiful lot. Just delurking on the cold wet windy morning to say welcome to Cara. You'll get a lot of support on this bus. Do stick around. I couldn't have made it this far (14 long months) without them.

Morning

venus I agree don’t think there is any high functioning with alcohol involved. My mind and focus is only clear when I’m sober and haven’t had a drink for days.

crafty hope you have a good Sunday.

small hope your run was good if wet. I’m in a warm bed and dreading going out to run!

mint 14 months is amazing. Did you get your test results back? Hope everything is ok.

Have a nice Sunday everyone. Hope it is a peaceful and restoring day for all.

Thank you for the lovely welcome!

I’m still utterly consumed with self hatred, which since I just got a bit pissed at a school function feels very over the top. Maybe I have flashbacks to that awful work night, but also I slept through my little girl (age 2) crying for mummy (I sleep with my baby so my husband normally goes to the big kids but still...). I was irresponsible.

Also didn’t sleep last night as wanted to listen out for her so feel dreadful today.

Just not worth it for a giggle and some wine...

I like the idea of not drinking at all at group things or just starting with soft drinks. Also maybe avoiding wine unless with food and sticking to G&T.

My husband also wants to cut down so we will do it together...

Lovely to meet you all x

Also I feel quite immature still - if someone doesn’t drink a lot on a night out or lunch I think oh how boring they aren’t my sort of person. I’ve always gravitated towards the heavy drinkers and the party girls. But at 43 and a mum of 3 it’s not exactly cool to have blackouts. I’m listening to Sarah hepola’s blackout book onnaudible which I hope will help

efc1878
Not yet. But I've to make an appointment this week as my elbow isn't healing properly so hopefully I'll get them then. I'm still having flashbacks to the Moviprep!

Hi Babes, still here, but work has been manic and DH and I have two theatre bookings a week through Feb.

I'm too tired to drink!

Hi all, and welcome Cara, I'm with you on the imma/cool thing. And basically everything you have posted.you sound like my kind of girl. I think we're in a similar place.

venus you are so wonderful and wise and poetic. Drinking = overrated. This weekend, whilst allegedly moderating, had pointless argument with friend, was drunk in front of the kids , cant remember curry last night, preMonday work anxiety back with a vengeance, didn't get any stuff done. What the f* is this all about?

Hi, I was on here a few weeks ago, got to day 12 and then it all went wrong and I’ve been on endless day ones. So I thought I’d post to make myself more accountable and make this day one stick. I’ve got to the point that I don’t enjoy drinking anymore, hate the way it makes me feel and the endless internal dialogue is just draining.

Hi may I join?
I have been following you all for years now!! & finally picked up the courage to post.. I am currently back in bed after getting up & getting kids to school.. I feel horrendous after drinking all weekend again, I feel sick & absolutely hate myself. I just can’t seem to stop.

Hioops and Today and welcome! I can relate to the endless ‘day ones’ but they do eventually become day twos and threes....And I can relate to the self-hatred too. Being kind to ourselves sometimes seems the hardest bit, but alcohol is an addictive, mind-altering drug and finding it a struggle to stop drinking is normal not a sign of weakness. I found the horrible self-critical voice got a lot less present over time away from drinking,so add mood-altering to the list as well.

Cara good to hear from you!

efc Sunday was a run plus some chores and how come Monday artives so bloody fast? 😁

thanks crafty. Just to give a bit more info. I’m 42 with 2 children, married & work full time, I don’t drink through the week & always start of saying I’m not drinking at the weekend, but come Friday that’s gone out the window & I can easily have 6 bottles of wine fri - Sunday, can’t remember most of the weekend & then Monday like today I feel horrible, sad, anxious, fat & generally full of self hate.... sorry to go in 🙈

oops it is so understandable to 'let loose' on the weekend.. but what a pity. I imagine that your week days are pretty full-on, then come the weekend and it (and you) are wasted. Can you imagine instead a weekend when you 'bounce' out of bed? Or a Sunday morning when you snuggle back to sleep for an hour being grateful for the warmth rather than hating the heat of an alcohol induced sweat..

Stay with us, maybe next weekend will be different. We can help with ideas, support and cheering. And maybe some green opal fruits [if ma has not eaten them all]

Well nearly the end of this day...oh god the sweats are horrendous. I’m really going to try & go a full week from today af & I’ll take it from there.

Go on oops you can do it, and we're all here cheering for you. Make a plan of lots of lovely experiences for yourself for the weekend. Enjoying your kids and making them pancakes, whuch in my house gives me epic hero status. The snuggle in bed that guru venus described. I'll add one - the powerful feeling on Monday, with a spring in your step. I totally love that, and really missed it yesterday after my lapse at the weekend. Its so good to be kind to yourself. X

Morning everyone!

I’m ill- feeling sorry for myself, but as I can hardly swallow the last thing I want is alcohol.

today about 6 years ago I couldn’t get past day 2- I was drinking everyday. I stuck at it though- for me reading sober books Alan Carr etc and podcasts helped- I liked Bubble hour- not sure if it is still available. Some of the episodes are so insightful. One that sticks for me is alcohol and it’s effect on hormones.

oops that is me more recently- find it easy not to drink in week but come Friday I was ready to treat myself- except it would be the start of a weekend feeling rough.

venus self care ideas are lovely. We are bombarded with the myth that alcohol is relaxing, sophisticated etc and it’s not- that’s the advertising/ tv execs (probably justifying their own over drinking).

mint sorry to hear your elbow is not healing well- hope they can help you. My dh took moviprep last year- he was asking me to shoot him at one point!

wee hope you are feeling better today. Can you think ahead to something you can do Friday so it doesn’t sneak up on you?

Hi wee yes it does! Drop off today and so sheepish in case I did / said anything sghpid at school event. Feel so pathetic. Felt people smiling at me and wondered did I speak to you? Did we meet? Hate that blackout feeling, just so mortified. I imagine the worst - apparently I was fine ‘on form’ but my low self esteem and PTSD from that dreadful work blackout just bite me on the butt each time. It’s not worth it.

Day 2 now and trying to be healthy. Bought a load of soft drinks and want a sober few days.

Next ‘event’ is a school mums cocktail party in a month. I’d like to have a cocktail or two but to stop there and not be mortified after. How to plan and how to do it. Nice to think I have someone to hold my hand!

oops how are you doing? I can see myself doing 6 bottles in a weekend and know that ugh feeling Monday. How are you feeling now?

Lovely to meet efc and venus too!

X

I’m not sure how to name anyone yet...but thankyou so much for your kind words!!! I’m feeling a bit better today still got that horrible anxiety 😫 oh I know the feeling of blacking out so well cara..glad today at school wasn’t that bad for you, I think we make more of it ourselves with total overthinking.. the last time it happened to me was last June at my friends birthday garden party.. I was only there 2 hours & had to get taken home by the hubby & another friend can’t remeber a bloody thing spent the next Day apologising to everyone. Not really been out since then choosing to drink in the safety of my house.

checking in and saying hi to cara and oops
nothing much to report. work very busy, new carpet now in bedroom and dh determined to "build" wardrobes. he doesnt know one end of a ahmmer from the other but thinks he's fukcing Nick Knowles!
It's going to end in tears at best...and hopefuly a divorce.

On the plus side I have lost half a stone so far in 2019!