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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Found something horrible today.. what would you do?

107 replies

somebodytoo · 01/09/2004 20:38

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Yorkiegirl · 01/09/2004 20:43

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Rowlers · 01/09/2004 20:44

Sounds very odd. Is he trying to get back at you / get you into trouble?
Is your email account at work not passworded? If not, can you password it to stop him getting in?

somebodytoo · 01/09/2004 20:44

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daisy1999 · 01/09/2004 20:45

Are you on good terms with him? If not it looks like he's setting you up for something. I would Talk with your boss before confronting your ex. Sounds weird.

zebra · 01/09/2004 20:45

I know you're upset but I really can't work out what you mean is happening. Who has been sending you emails? And the replies (presumably written by the ex who is doing the moonlighting) went to whom?

I think it may be criminal (from a legal perspective) if someone is passing themselves off as you, that's identity theft.

Rowlers · 01/09/2004 20:46

Great minds Yorkiegirl.
I'd be very tempted to let him know he's been rumbled and that his plan (whatever it is) didn't work.

Twiglett · 01/09/2004 20:46

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MummyToSteven · 01/09/2004 20:47

zebra - i think somebody too means that the e-mails appear to emanate from her ex, and responses appear to emanate from her.

Yorkiegirl · 01/09/2004 20:47

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somebodytoo · 01/09/2004 20:49

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Rowlers · 01/09/2004 20:49

The legal point is a good one but I presume as he is an IT bod that he has cleverly covered his tracks? No evidence that you didn't reply?
If he is just trying to wind you up, maybe a lack of response would be the best idea?

MummyToSteven · 01/09/2004 20:50

anybody female or less neanderthal that you could confide in?

MeanBean · 01/09/2004 20:51

Are there any times when the e-mail account was used when you can prove that you weren't there to use it (and you don't have access to it from anywhere else)?

somebodytoo · 01/09/2004 20:51

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Yorkiegirl · 01/09/2004 20:51

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somebodytoo · 01/09/2004 20:53

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Yorkiegirl · 01/09/2004 20:54

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Rowlers · 01/09/2004 20:54

That must be it then - he wanted you to see them! So his aim is more to upset you than to get you into trouble with the boss for example? Well don't let him know you are upset! Soz, but he sounds like a twat (can you use that word on here or are people offended? Soz if so)

edam · 01/09/2004 20:55

God, this is really dangerous. Is your ex angry with you and trying to get you into trouble? People have been sacked for sending sexually explicit emails, I'm afraid. So you need to put it on record somehow that these replies weren't from you. As you probably know, deleting the emails is no good as they can be retrieved even after the user has deleted them. Can you prove that at the time these replies were sent, you were not at your computer - were they sent at times when you were out of the building, or in meetings?

But putting it on record is itself dangerous as it draws the authorities' attention to what has been going on... and if your dh is sacked, obviously that also affects you.

Do you have a union you can speak to in confidence, who can advise you on protecting your position?
You need specialist advice from someone who understands all the implications of employment law. I hope there is such a person on MN. If not, and if you don't have a union, you may need to see an employment lawyer - one who has a background in working for employees, not employers, presumably. Do you have legal insurance via your house insurance? Check out if so and if it would cover advice about employment. If you are worried about paying for a lawyer, may be worth talking to your local citizen's advice bureaux, don't know if their lawyers could advise you themselves but they may be able to suggest firms of lawyers that do pro bono work?

somebodytoo · 01/09/2004 20:56

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Rowlers · 01/09/2004 20:59

It is very weird.
And what edam says is quite scary but I would find out my legal point without him knowing.
What a faff.

Rowlers · 01/09/2004 20:59

I would be worried if you DID get on!!

somebodytoo · 01/09/2004 21:01

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Yorkiegirl · 01/09/2004 21:03

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somebodytoo · 01/09/2004 21:04

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