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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Found something horrible today.. what would you do?

107 replies

somebodytoo · 01/09/2004 20:38

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coppertop · 01/09/2004 21:05

Could you mention it to the boss in the context of "Well if he's been misusing MY password, who else's could he get at?" That way the issue directly affects the boss/company and it's not just a personal matter. There must be other IT bods at the company who could check out any story he makes up to cover what he's done.

Twiglett · 01/09/2004 21:06

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Yorkiegirl · 01/09/2004 21:10

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aloha · 01/09/2004 21:11

I would inform HR and his boss (ie head of IT) that you believe your ex has been using your email account when you aren't there and you are extremely concerned about security and client confidentiality etc. No need to detail exactly what the emails contained. What he has done is a HUGE no-no for every company I can think of.

Original poster

somebodytoo · 01/09/2004 21:19

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somebodytoo · 01/09/2004 21:49

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coppertop · 01/09/2004 21:57

Noooo! Don't let him get away with it. Dh has just said that at his office sending those kinds of e-mails is a sacking offence. His exact words were "It's obvious what he's trying to do. He's trying to get her sacked. She needs to get in there first."

Report your findings ASAP. Note down the times and dates that they were sent. The company should know if he was working during those hours. Don't let your ex ruin things for you.

edam · 01/09/2004 22:05

sorry, missed the point that he's your ex (doh)! Second Coppertop's point but you need some evidence to demonstrate that it wasn't you sending these replies ? you need to protect yourself here. I do really, really think you need some legal advice ? it could get very nasty. Your boss may not take the email content seriously, but once company procedures are invoked, things can get really out of hand, even for innocent parties. You're in a very difficult position here ? you do need to alert your bosses to this but it does place you at risk.

Wills · 01/09/2004 22:05

Agree with coppertop. My first reaction is that he's trying to get you sacked. The best thing is to explain your perspective and but ask them to monitor it rather than tackle him at first so that they can catch him read handed so to speak. This is essential otherwise he could claim that you merely got "cold feet" but that the emails were from you iuswim. As distaceful as it may feel you MUST tackle this now - it could very well be your job that you loose and personally I wouldn't gamble.

edam · 01/09/2004 22:07

wonder if IT would be able to tell which location the messages were sent from; ie obviously your account but was it accessed from a computer in the workplace? If in the workplace, at a time when you were out of the office and could only have accessed remotely, maybe that would help prove it wasn't you.

joanneg · 01/09/2004 22:11

This is awful and a blatant abuse of power. My dh works in It security (one of his roles) and was shocked when I told him about this. You should report this as soon as you can because he could keep doing things like this and get you into trouble. In your sent items does it have times when these fictional e-mails were sent? Can you prove it wasnt you (for instance where you in a meeting).

Report it and if you are not taken seriously - do you have a HR department?

MummyToSteven · 01/09/2004 22:15

DH opinion is that it wouldn't be obvious from the e-mail itself whether it was sent from a work computer or remote access but it should be possible to tell whether the account was logged into from a work machine or from a non work machine machine - so the department should be able to tell whether the work machine was logged into or not at the time the e-mail was sent.

Wills · 01/09/2004 22:18

edam - to some extent it could be traced BUT only if the company has already put the necessary safeguards in place so this should NOT be taken for granted. Big companies like Banks would go to the effort of putting such things into place but small/medium companies are just as likely not to . Also for this guy to have done what he's done then surely he knows enough about IT to be able to cover up his track to a reasonable extent his tracks. Again we come back to the degree of security measure put in place by her business. It differs enormously from company to company. To monitor all this information takes effort and money so the smaller companies tend to do far less.

Joanneg's point about seeing if you were out of the office for any of the mails is a good one, especially if your company can't actively trace.

Original poster

somebodytoo · 01/09/2004 22:44

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somebodytoo · 01/09/2004 22:46

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MummyToSteven · 01/09/2004 22:51

Don't panic. Diarise dates when he was at your house since he started work at your place. Doubt that he would have had time or confidence to mess around on the computer at home when you/kids were around.

coppertop · 01/09/2004 22:52

What size is the company you work for? Or would that give away too much? Is the e-mail on the intranet or do you have to dial-up to access it?

Original poster

somebodytoo · 01/09/2004 22:53

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somebodytoo · 01/09/2004 22:56

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MummyToSteven · 01/09/2004 22:56

diarise what you found out today and how - get a written contemporaneous account. Should somebodytoo report this immediately, or wait till she has spoken to a solicitor, do you think? obviously in an ideal world speak to the solicitor tomorrow morning first thing

Original poster

somebodytoo · 01/09/2004 23:01

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MummyToSteven · 02/09/2004 08:48

Bump, bump

JJ · 02/09/2004 09:01

My husband said to print out the emails and tell your boss immediately. If you act like you're guilty by hiding the emails, it will be more difficult for people to believe that you're innocent.

You must tell your attorney, also and take her advice.

What a #$()(@$# !

artyjoe · 02/09/2004 10:01

Click forward on one of the messages and then attach all of the previous e-mails to that message and forward it to your ex and cc to his boss and your boss and yourself...as he is in IT you could 'ask him how it would be possible for someone to hack into your computer like this and send hoax messages as I'm sure everyone concerned would like to put a stop to this kind of abuse in the workplace'. This way you are acting in a professional manner and not actually pointing fingers at him, but alerting everyone concerned in writing. Your bosses may not be so quick to ridicule when handled in this manner as it can be taken further.
Hope this helps.

hester · 02/09/2004 10:25

Sorry, nothing to add to the excellent advice here. But do agree that you need to take this seriously and act quickly and carefully to ensure your position is protected.

Poor you; what a horrible thing to happen.

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