Found something horrible today.. what would you do?

[somebodytoo]

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Grim situation somebodytoo. Get everything in writing - I'm sure your solicitor will advise you well. I'm not a lawyer but still I think this advice is good - if you talk to anybody verbally about it (your boss or whatever) then write a summary of what was said and agreed and post yourself or your lawyer a copy, as well as giving a copy to the person you talked to. Sounds paranoid but it's another safety measure.

fwiw, this is my husband's latest:

oh, I didn't know he actually sent emails to her, I only thought he faked up emails from her to him

the original emails he sent her would be a sackable offense in most civilized places of employment

I think she should
(1) tell her attorney about it
(2) print them all out, and have a meeting with HR, showing them and telling them the story
(3) ditto with her boss
(4) ditto with his boss
(5) write a letter to him demanding he stop doing it, CC-ing her boss, his boss, and HR

items 2-5 subject to change depending on advice of her attorney
items 3-5 subject to change depending on advice of HR

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Me here again: Not only are the emails fraud and an abuse of power, they are also sexual harrassment. Keep this in mind when talking to people.

Good luck, sweetie, I'm thinking of you today!

God, what a horrible situation. You have had some really good advice on here. You must tell someone about this immediately before it all blows up in your face. And agree totally with writing everything down and printing copies of every email.

Good luck somebodytoo.

definitely tell your boss. hopefully your h will be sacked since he has seriously abused the trust of the company employing him. make a note of the times of the emails and see if they match up to when he was at your house. also tell him youre onto him and in a scathing tone tell him to grow up. whilst youre at it, tell the tax office hes moonlighting

what a stupid **ing ar$e.

can you check on your work pc if hes been accessing any websites

2nd the advice to make sure you tell someone. I work in IT & in most cases this is now a cause for instant dismissal (for both of you if they think you have been replying). Would speak to someone at work ASAP in case this is what he is trying to do. How long is his contract for? If he's v. short term they would probably not bother going through disciplinary action for him as not worth it, so wouldn't show up on any future contracts, you're def. in a far worse position. Don't let him get away with it. BTW, if you're boss doesn't take it seriously point out the sex harrasment aspect - you may find he changes sharpish.

Had he deleted the "incoming" e-mails from him so that you didn't see them - hence you only finding out from looking at your "Sent items"?

Agree with the advice you've been given - confront it head on, rather than try to sweep it under the carpet. He's either INCREDIBLY naive and pathetic, getting turned on by this "pretend" correspondence, without realising the potential consequences to you or he is DELIBERATELY trying to get you sacked. The former doesn't seem likley, given that he is an IT person - and he KNOWS that these things leave trails. Also, why didn't he "hide" more of it, instead of leaving it there for you to find. Either way, you need to protect yourself, as it COULD be deemed to be gross mis-conduct.

i think hes deliberately left the trail hasnt he? which means its meant to be found. very worrying

Not read the full thread. but report it to your boss or HR. You shoudl also collect evidence of where you were at the times these emails were sent. You can use that to prove that you did not send these disgusting emails.

This is gross misconduct on his part, and if you ensure your case is as strong as possible, he will get into alot of trouble. I can only guess that he is trying to get you sacked for misusing work PCs, either that or he is showing them to someone else to show what a big man he is - ar£ehole.

Just a thought - is there anyone else who knows all passwords? I would suggest that when you report it you avoid accusing ex directly as anyone with passwords and IT knowledge might have been deemed to have done this and faked the correspondence (maybe someone who knows your history and watns to wind you up..) Sounds a pretty vile company - if your boss can find this a joke maybe someone else can. You have to act to protect yourself.

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Sorry if I'm being thick here but supposing that you in fact sent the emails to your ex yourself (not suggesting for a minute that you did, just trying to understand what you are concerned about from the work angle), why would that be gross misconduct on your part? Are you not allowed to send personal emails from your work machine? Or is the content of the emails that is the problem?
I understand that your ex is in the wrong for hacking into your email account etc but not quite sure why you can't just confront him about it and sort it out between the two of you. Why the need to tell your work and prove it wasn't you? I've only read the thread quickly so there is probably something I haven't picked up on!!

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A lot of companies have policies about explicit emails, I think that's the problem.

I agree that you have to tell your boss though, somebodytoo. I don't know the answers to any of your questions though.

I don't think it's wise to confront him until you've told your boss though. If he's planning something underhand, then you don't want him to trigger it before you've told your boss.

Thanks for the clarification, I thought it was something like that. Somebodytoo, why don't you confront your ex first to establish what he is playing at and why. He is obviously slightly off his head but unless you feel he is somehow out of control and is likely to do something even worse (particularly to get you into trouble with your boss) then is that not likely to be the end of the matter? Or do you suspect that he is up to something more sinister than merely being a bit of a sad case that warrants more extreme action such as solicitors etc?
Although sexually explicit personal emails are officially forbidden at most work places as long as nothing pornographic has been downloaded from the internet then I would think it highly unlikely that there would be any come back from your work. Unless you believe your ex is up to something more dangerous then I would just confront him, tell him to stop and delete the emails. I obviously don't know what your ex is like at all but I would certainly hesitate from making a song and dance about it at work if I thought that I could put a stop to it myself.

Go to HR or your boss and do it now - tell them what you suspect calmly and say that you're asking for their help as to how to stop it - whoever is behind it. This is the kind of mud that sticks. FYI this happens more often than you might think - we had a case here a while back that was similar.

good luck. I hope he gets stamped on.

Hi, this is JJ's husband. Stop worrying about what you can prove or can't prove. You should not let that prevent you from acting.

You need to do the following 2 things ASAP:
(1) tell your attorney about this
(2) tell your HR department about this

really, do these things now
seriously

(JJ here: I'm posting this for my husband)

are you sure you didnt send the e-mails yourself and are feeling really embarassed about it all now and you are frightened of losing your job?

It sounds a bit strange that someone would go to these lengths, and for what purpose? and if he had why are you worried?

You should not be ashamed of your sexuality, you should be proud, dirty emails are not bad, they are good, if you like them. You wouldnt get the sack

If on the other hand i have lost plot, ignore me. I wish you all the best in sorting this matter out

naughtykid - I think the words "I felt sick to the bottom of my stomach" would strongly indicate that this poster did not send these messages herself.

dirty e-mails can get someone the sack. most workplaces take a dim view of personal e-mail, never mind personal e-mail containing sexually explicit detail. i have worked somewhere where a colleague narrowly escaped the sack for sending a few emails arranging a memorial service for a friend on the grounds that these are personal e-mail.

why should the poster be worried - not only are these sexual fantasies distressing but fake e-mails have been creating suggesting she approves of them. If you were not worried by an ex doing this, I could only conclude that you were enormously tolerant.

an interestingly contentious first post by naughtykid

trolltrolltrolltroll

I dont know what contentious means?

please explain

my stepmum will be back soon

How did it go today, somebodytoo? Are you okay?

Just wanted to se how things had gone somebodytoo. Any developments? Just re-read all the posts and found it quite worrying - hope it's working out OK for you.