I have a close friend, who I have known since primary school. She has had an exceptionally hard time over the last three years and I have ltried to be supportive. The hardest part of being supportive is she doesn’t like dissent. SO while I prefer people to point out ways of looking at a situation, this makes her very agitated and I have to keep my mouth closed. She has fallen out with most of her friends.
Today we were on the phone and she was telling me about another friend she has fallen out with over money. I can understand why she is annoyed with her. I tried to put another view point but she got agitated, so, as usual, I kept my mouth shut. . She has never in all the years I’ve known her said anything racist. But she concluded the conversation by saying: " I’m sorry to say this, and I don’t mean to be offensive, but she’s being a typical Jew."
Now, the thing is, I am technically Jewish (i.e. my mothers’s family were all Eastern European jews, and that’s my heritage even though we’re three generation atheist with no cultural association). And I’m not mean, and nor are my family (who have hosted her for Christmas for the last decade - her family, I should say, have also been super generous to us). So I said, very mildly, 'actually I do find that offensive, it’s an offensive comment'. And she got quite cross and put the phone down on me.
She has since texted me to say she can’t deal with any conflict and she’s sorry she’s offended me and she just meant stereotypically jewish (and implied she wouldn't be coming for Christmas, as if I'd disinvited her, which I haven't). Which isn’t the point. I’m not even that offended personally, it’s just an offensive comment, in the manner of all racist comments.
I’ve written her a message explaining that it’s offensive precisely because it’s a stereotype: I’m not mean so does that mean I’m not a stereotypical jew? - and added that of course she should come for Christmas and it wouldn’t be the same without her. This happened recently with another comment about a friend who knowingly conceived as a single parent - she made quite a rude comment about this (because she hates the woman) even though I'm also in the same situation (and I know she doesn't judge me for it).
Not sure how to proceed. I’m certainly not going to loose a friendship over it, but I’m feeling a bit steely, like I'd like an apology.