Single mums at Christmas - what are your plans?

[Welshcakes0]

Single mum here - feeling a little anxious about the Christmas break. I am a student nurse so no Christmas work parties planned. I don't have any friends (just one or two I message from uni) so no evenings out planned. Currently on a placement and everyone is discussing their plans for Christmas and New year and I'm so embarrassed to say I don't have any. Waiting in the que at the school gates listening to two mums discussing their plans. Looking at Facebook posts of people already enjoying the festive celebrations. I know you shouldn't compare and Facebook only shows you the good parts but its real, people have lives.
I'm looking forward to spending time (2 weeks) with my 2 dc's but I'm also feeling a little anxious as it hits home more so than ever that I am single, not alone but lonely.

@Welshcakes0

I am sorry you are feeling like this. A lot of marketing goes into the picture postcard Christmas idea.

For many, many people it's a terrible time of year.

Try to cherish your kids and make memories. You meet people and make friends when you aren't trying too.

No idea where the random emjoi came from.

op i feel exactly like this. down to the school mums and plans of being so busy etc when i know we won't see anyone till term starts again. it's crap but am trying to just plan simple stuff like popcorn watching movies making decorations etc. but it is very very lonely

Somewhereovertheroad - thanks, I'm trying not to think too much as I know there will be so many lonely people at Christmas and I am very lucky to have my dc's.
yummytummy - thanks, sorry to hear you're feeling this way too. I struggle on my own anyway but life is busy, it stops me over thinking sometimes. However, this period is hard. I have Christmas movie evenings planned and a cinema trip.

Why don't you invite someone over for drinks etc?

I'm in the same boat, I think what really brings it home is wrapping my own "presents" to open wit the kids. this year it's bottles of shower gel, shampoo and a nice candle from aldi. I know I'm lucky and my boys are everything, but sometimes I want the postcard, it gets lonely once they're in bed.
Sorry @welshcakes I have nothing to add only that I'm here too

It's the same here . I am buying my own present and giving it to DS to give to me then probably spend the day watching DS play with his presents . I am doing an access course so might be making a start on the assignment due in January to pass time .

from me OP.

I am currently married but H is leaving mid January. I haven't told many people yet because I couldn't be sure when he was going and don't want to have the conversation again and again or feel like I need to explain it.

It really isn't a postcard for everyone, from the outside we look like it, two careers, DC doing well at a good school, nice house, nice car all the trimmings, but honestly, I reckon some of us are more alone in a relationship than folk on their own.

Still, like you, I have a lot to be thankful for, it just isn't quite what it seems.

Single mum of 3 here and no plans except to enjoy being with my children. I like my own company and I'll miss my older two when they go to their dad's but will have fun with my little one.

I gave up on get together when everyone was moaning about their OHs and how hard it is blah blah blah.

Enjoy your Christmas with your dc and enjoy being off as being a nurse working Christmas is shit.

yes its the buying of own present thats hard too. also people are just not free to come over for drinks etc as someone suggested as they are busy with family. i would love to be busy with family! its awful talking to no one until school goes back. i am usually ok but this year its a real struggle for some reason but it definitely helps to hear from others going through similar

I feel like this. This year is bad because my mother is gearing up for a toxic tantrum and my parents are coming to mine. My son doesn't see his father so I'm always alone, and I thought I was used to it.

I try very hard to get "out there" and keep busy but I've been let down so much recently by friends cancelling on me I'm feeling more alone than ever.

I try to make up for the time I'm at work that I miss with my son when I have time off, but you do run out of ideas. I end up doing random days out, just getting in the car and driving somewhere or a walk in the forest.

Today we played football in the rain for half an hour. I liked that.

I’m married but I still wrap my own presents from DC and we don’t see any school people until term starts again either. Most people are off seeing family or real/old friends so school friends don’t figure. I tend to go see my family and forget trying to organise things with friends. Unless they are very old friends they tend to be so flakey and drop out last minute and the holidays are so short I just can’t be bothered to muck around anymore. I just do family stuff and take the kids on my own to the cinema etc. No xmas parties for a SAHM either! Think most people don’t have huge exciting xmas plans unless they work for a large company that does work functions. Don’t compare.

Single mum of one daughter at home and one adult son who doesn't live at home. My daughter goes to her dad's on Christmas Eve because it is her little half brother's birthday - he couldn't help being born on Christmas Eve! She will stay over at her dad's this year and return around midday Christmas Day - my son and his girlfriend are coming over too. BUT I have to say that I always felt lonely on Christmas Eve when I was with my ex-partner...he wasn't bothered about doing anything at all and just sat gaming or wanting to watch something HE wanted. So now I'm single again, I'm quite looking forward to having the evening on my own. I've never liked Christmas Eve frivolities anyway, so will find something to watch and cosy up with my cats and some Baileys! Christmas Day will be lovely with my daughter, son and his girlfriend. @Toomanybaubles is right - I know so many people in relationships trying to live up to the ideal of Christmas Postcard Family, when it's all a bag of lies or papering over cracks. They are more alone within the relationship. Last year for me was an horrendous Christmas with my ex- partner so I'm actually looking forward to the space and freedom this year.

enjoy your Christmas pinkmonkeybird.

I will be alone with my children and dog and happier for it. I'm sick of whiny, face pulling families and smug couples and yes the ones I know are! Best decision I ever made was to stop doing big family Christmas get together.

Thankyou all so much. back to you all.
I know I'm not alone in feeling this way. I'm sad others are feeling this too. It makes you feel less alone though. Nice to chat here to all you lovelies.
I know not is all it seems on social media etc. I try to tell myself this. It would just be nice to have that excuse to get dressed up and wear a new dress. I am definitely looking forward to spending time with my dc's, they're very excited.

nothing. Im a lone parent to 4, no break ever as ex is absent. so will just be in with the children.

Welshcakes. I know what you mean. Same here. I am mum of 2 DC's. Same as you, no plans, no invites anywhere, no parties, no drinks eves, no visitors expected, no more sch run even, invisible & forgotten ! I won't see another grown up until sometime in January and even then it will be a hello in passing. Just like the rest of the year/s. I have my DC's xmas day and Boxing Day so luckier than most but then they are with their dad. However, they will be back here again from 30th so I'm planning a special New Years Buffett celebration for me and my boys to mark the new year. I'm basically throwing myself into the festivities for my children. They don't understand I'm alone and lonely, even though they are not so young anymore. I'm very aware and have been for a while now, that their memories are all my responsibility so I make it fun and never ever give a hint of my sadness. I don't want them to look back and remember oh yeah.. Xmas.. mum was a misery. So, I always put on a good performance this time of year and make things as magical,uncomplicated & happy for my boys. They actually have no idea how isolated I feel at times and nor should they. I don't want them to see or realise how badly a family can treat a child (me) or how badly and selfish life long friends can be when travelling to see you if it's too inconvenient and caused them to spend money , despite the miles you have journeyed for them. ( I moved 60 miles away from my hometown 7 yrs ago, not one friend has made the journey to see me, despite the fact they are all hugely wealthy and cost not an issue) . I was very dejected last week when my 1 and only dear local friend explained she couldn't make it over to me before xmas for a little drink as she had so many things to do, large extended local relatives to cram in, shopping to do , her own DC to see to ( she is single also) and no time as she works, needs to get her own food shopping sorted. She is very genuine and has always been there for me without fail, she was very honest and I understand completely but she was my only social interaction this season so I had put a lot of store on it and was slightly devastated inside when she couldn't make it. I did feel, very wrongly, that I am not on the xmas hierarchy, not someone that must be seen for xmas & it did make me feel low. I'm over that now..Especially as you look on FB or out your kitchen window and see the world celebrating xmas.. and family.. and friendships and people caring and loving each other and you are there alone
and no one cares what your xmas plans are. Nobody cares that you may be alone on xmas day. It hurts.

NC with my mum, who has mental health issues and cast me as scapegoat and punchbag from birth, and my dad is passed. So I really am very alone.

But... I have a fridge and freezer full of festive food. I'm going to mumsnet 10 ways the hell out of my turkey left overs and have been planning meals. I'm looking forward to cooking, The Crown on Netflix ( I newly acquired), cheeseboard, crackers, sweets, and obvs xmas day Eastenders .I have 2 happy healthy kids. There are currently 2 pocket money purchased wrapped gifts under my tree from them, that I didn't buy or wrap. Santa sacks are filled and hidden.. The house is warm and the tree is twinkling. I've even got 2 bottles of champagne put by, 1 for xmas day and 1 for New Years. The Monopoly is out, Home Alone 1 & 2 downloaded on Sky. We are excited and looking forward as you never know what life will give you next year and we are luckier than others. We are here in the now and we are happy and healthy and while we may not have not as much as others, or fancy drinks or dinners to attend, I can provide a happy xmas for me and my DC's that we will enjoy ourselves , together, Just us 3. In many years to come, when I'm long gone, this will be another xmas my boys will look back on and smile. I'm not letting the fact that other people have excluded me or treated me badly ruin it for me and my boys, or more importantly my children's memories. Merry xmas Op and a very happy new year to you. There will be lots of us on MN over the festive period if you need a release. I for one will be here over the festive period, there are lots of us alone this xmas, join in the fun. x

CatherineofTarragon - WOW! Thankyou. What a lovely person you are and how lucky are your dc's to have you. Thankyou for your post. I am grateful for your time and all the posts here, it means so much to me. I'm sorry your friend cancelled. It sounds like you have a lovely Christmas planned even though sometimes it hurts you deep down, the feeling of loneliness. You are truly amazing. Everyone has helped me feel a little better and you have definitely made me think. Especially when you say about not allowing the rejection you have felt from others spoil you making memories with your dc's. Also appreciating what I do have. Thankyou :)

maybe we could all chat on here as it will be a long stretch of loneliness and its nice to see its not just us feeling this. it does hurt

yummytummy - good plan! I'm happy to :)

When you look around your home at Christmas with your children happy and all the presents and decorations and food and special things and you smile because you, and you alone made it special for them. There are so many positives. I had a thread on reasons to be happy to be single at Christmas which was a good one. Can't remember exactly what I called it though.

@Welshcakes0 merry xmas lovely. Enjoy this festive season and embrace every precious healthy carefree moment. These are your family memories you are making here. Make happy ones and when you are old you can look back fondly. x

I think chatting on here would be a lovely idea 😊

I will be spending Christmas with my 2 children. Their father doesn't bother with then and in a way I'm glad as I don't have to share them at Christmas. Will go over to my parents on Christmas day and boxing day for family dinners. I'm unemployed at the moment so no Christmas nights out for me . I have very few friends and only my parents to babysit so nights out are very rare in general. One of my friends has invited me to a party after new year but I have put on weight this year and just feeling rubbish about myself so will give it a miss. Going to college after the Summer so will hopefully make some new friends there and next year I will be a size 10 again doubt it and have a great Christmas night out. Enjoy the time off with your children I'm sure you'll have a lovely time.