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Original poster

Single mums at Christmas - what are your plans?

135 replies

Welshcakes0 · 19/12/2018 15:01

Single mum here - feeling a little anxious about the Christmas break. I am a student nurse so no Christmas work parties planned. I don't have any friends (just one or two I message from uni) so no evenings out planned. Currently on a placement and everyone is discussing their plans for Christmas and New year and I'm so embarrassed to say I don't have any. Waiting in the que at the school gates listening to two mums discussing their plans. Looking at Facebook posts of people already enjoying the festive celebrations. I know you shouldn't compare and Facebook only shows you the good parts but its real, people have lives.
I'm looking forward to spending time (2 weeks) with my 2 dc's but I'm also feeling a little anxious as it hits home more so than ever that I am single, not alone but lonely.

OP posts:
GrumpyOldMare · 19/12/2018 19:27

It's going to be just me and GrumpyJnr (his dad might stay for lunch as he'll bring son's presents over) but we usually have a nice cosy day together. It does get a little lonely sometimes once he vanishes up to his room to play any new games his dad buys him (his dad is hard work at times and tends to criticise the way we do things)

If some of you will be on here at some point it'd be good to have some company,albeit online company.

onemoresmartie · 19/12/2018 20:34

I am having Christmas morning with my ds, then he goes to his dads for a couple of days in the afternoon ...I then get to have a grown up Christmas with my gay best friend and dance in his kitchen all night long dancing to man hating songs

pointythings · 19/12/2018 20:41

This year is my first Christmas as a real single parent, though in effect I have been one for quite a few years. My H died earlier this year - he was an alcoholic and we had been separated since the end of 2017.

I'm actually looking forward to Christmas with my two teenaged DDs. No stress, no worrying about how much he's going to drink and what mood he's going to be in - just the three of us doing the stuff we enjoy, stuff that makes us a family. I hope all of you find happy moments in your Christmas - and I will definitely also be on MN.

user1471530109 · 19/12/2018 20:57

I bought my own pressies last year. But the DDS told everyone that I had! I was mortified. They've been going on about it again now so I've not bothered this year. I've just got a matching pj set for the 3 of us.

I've got them up to and including Xmas day (when he walked out I insisted this will always be the case and he hasn't argued 5 years later). It's boxing day and the following days on my own I find lonely and depressing.

I expect it will involve booze and Mumsnet tbh! Wine

sadeyedladyofthelowlandsea · 19/12/2018 21:01

Completely on my own this year, as DC will be with their dad for nearly a week - including my birthday. I've had offers from family & a few friends to spend a day or two with them, but in all honesty, I'd rather just hibernate & pretend it isn't happening. I'll see my best friend for lunch on my birthday and that'll be it.

But I'll have the DC here next year, so I just have to suck it up. Last year when they were with me, it was wonderful - we realised we didn't have to stick to any of the traditions, so we made our own instead. That was much more fun than being stuck at the inlaws for yet another round of martyred cooking by MiL whilst Fil & BiL got offensively drunk before falling asleep across the sofas Grin

onemoresmartie · 19/12/2018 21:08

I have just realised that I won't see my ds till next Monday and I'm sat on the sofa crying
This time of year can be shit when your a LP

Snowballs4ever · 19/12/2018 21:25

I agree it's sad and lonely. It's nice to see dc opening their presents but I know I feel crap that I have no one who cares to get me something or make it special for me (that sounds a bit self indulgent sorry).

I do get myself some treats in the sales and try to think of Christmas as being all about the kids.

rosynoses · 19/12/2018 21:34

It's my first Christmas without my son (first year he's with his dad) and dreading it. Been in tears every night so far. Thought I'd be fine / ok with it but I'm not. Can't face having to put a fake smile for the rest of my family all day. Would rather just hide out alone.

Musti · 19/12/2018 21:40

I'm still in the same house as my ex but in subsequent years, if I don't have them for Christmas I'll celebrate with them afterwards.

blackteasplease · 19/12/2018 21:55

Going away with my two kids, just the three of us, for Xmas. But I appreciate not everyone can do that. Looking forward to their company though!

sadeyedladyofthelowlandsea · 19/12/2018 22:11

@rosynoses Exactly how I was two years ago. Oddly, Christmas Eve was the worst day, not the day itself. I'm a bit more prepared for it this year - in that I know what will be the worst parts. But I'll probably spend most of it snotting all over myself, which is why I've refused all invitations again. It's easier that way. Sending hugs xx

rosynoses · 20/12/2018 07:05

Thank you sadeye, ppl in RL just don't get it either.

8FencingWire · 20/12/2018 07:27

I’m in!
It’s me and DD, who’ll be holed up in her room no doubt, on her iPad, most of the holiday. I’ve got a bit of time off.

Happyinheels · 20/12/2018 07:33

Hi, single mum of 2 teens here. I feel your pain. I have my kids Christmas Day then they go to their Dad's on Boxing Day. I have no family, both my parents are dead. I have friends but they've all got their own families. I voiced my dread to a small group of friends and their response was how much they would love time to themselves and the peace, that they would have a bath, read a book etc. In reality it's nothing like that, knowing most people are with family.
I'm really dreading it.

Soopermum1 · 20/12/2018 07:59

I'm taking the kids to my parents. Their father doesn't have much involvement. This will be the last year that my boyfriend gets excluded, though, DS will be 16 next year, a man. I'll invite boyfriend and DS can either like it or lump it (or spend Xmas moaning about what a slapper I am, with his father)

Brightwell12 · 20/12/2018 08:03

I've been a single parent for almost 20 years, my 2 are now grown up, I'm a nurse. the years that they used to go to their Dad for Christmas I would work night duty on Christmas eve & Christmas day. I've had Christmas days when I've been on my own, which I have to say I have enjoyed. Long bath, clean pj's cheese board, chocs, wine & films. This year my 2 are home, we're having my Dad & his partner over and my elderly neighbours for Christmas day. In the past I've invited friends whose oh's work Christmas .
Without wanting to sound boring, to all those that will be on their own with their children over Christmas, cherish the time.

Greentwiglet · 20/12/2018 08:05

I'm a single mum and the teens are going to see their Dad on Boxing Day. I am LONGING for a day on my own as their dad lives abroad and only visits rarely. I'm already gearing up for a day on the sofa, indulging in eating whatever I want, watching "Love Actually" and browsing the online sales! VERY, VERY happy to have a "ME DAY" with the dog and the cat !
BLISS XXXX

Original poster
Welshcakes0 · 20/12/2018 15:03

Lovely to hear from you all :) and thankyou for all of the kind words :)
My dc's father doesn't have them at all.
I'm trying to get into the Christmas spirit as of today. It helped posting here. I'm trying not to think too much.

OP posts:
BitchQueen90 · 20/12/2018 15:59

My DS is at his dad's at Christmas. I'm going to the pub on Christmas eve and then to my mum's.

NYE I'll be spending on my own after DS has gone to bed. Grin

dontpointatme · 20/12/2018 16:36

Hi. Can I join the party? My STBXH picked up the keys for his new house today, so is moving out on Sunday/Monday, but staying on the sofa on Monday night for Christmas morning. After 11ish that's him gone, just me and 2yo DD, so I'll be glad of the company too.

ru345 · 20/12/2018 18:04

I take my boy now 14 for last few Xmas to caravan holiday. We have a great tome entertainment day and night the time flies and I get to let my hair down and have a dance

PeevedOfPortishead · 20/12/2018 18:20

I'm all alone this year as my DC will be with their father for the first time since I left him 4 years ago. I stumbled across a notebook the other day I'd scribbled things he'd said so if I ever wavered I'd be able to remind myself. One of them was "all that Christmas bollocks" - in relation to spending time with them.

This year the Disney Dad in him is strong as he has a new gf + her kids Hmm so he'll be pulling out all the stops.

Ironic really as he always managed to suck the joy out of any form of pleasure previously... But, I felt I couldn't say no to his request to have them this year as it is the first time he's asked.

I don't have any family and my nearest true friend is 400 miles away. Ironically we bonded over the fact I'd just spent my first Xmas as a single mum and had remarked I'd been envious of her enormous extended family bash which took over our village. She admitted she'd spent Boxing day morning sobbing at the GP begging for anti-depressants and that she'd hated every single rotten minute of it.

So what will I do? Make headway on the pile of books 3' high, crack on with work so I can slack off in January, put some miles on me and the dog, drive to the coast and pound the beach, watch a box-set, mope.

Before I know it they'll be home again and I'll feel frazzled and strung-out.

Jacko101 · 20/12/2018 18:31

Hi, new to this mumsnet, 50 years old and it's the first Christmas I'm spending on my own. And I'm not sure what to expect really. My wife and I have parted on amicable terms we just drifted apart. She has to grown up kids in 20's that never approved of our relationship but they don't realise she left an abusive relationship and I supported her to live a better life. I must tell you all we where boyfriend/ Girlfriend from school. So now after 3 years of marriage she decided she wanted to be on her own, so I just let her do her own thing. She's spending Christmas with kids and I'm left all alone. Lots more to this story but I can't be arsed to type oh and I'm now getting divorce. I am a retired social worker, so life is a bit empty.
Jacko

GrumpyOldMare · 20/12/2018 19:19

Looks like there'll be a fair few of us on here,then.

So let's get organised,what do we ''need''?
Munchies of some description.
Drinks,be it tea/coffee/alcohol/soft drinks.
Comfy seat/outfit/pjs.

Sounds good to me. At least we can choose how to spend the day,no arguements or tiffs (hopefully),no piles of washing up to do,or piles of rubbish to clear up.

user1493423934 · 21/12/2018 03:41

Just finished work for year and alone til Xmas eve . . . all my friends are prepping for Xmas with their DC. Will be on here a bit over the next few days - (Ex has them a bit over Xmas/NY as I'm taking them on holiday in Jan).