Single mums at Christmas - what are your plans?

[Welshcakes0]

Single mum here - feeling a little anxious about the Christmas break. I am a student nurse so no Christmas work parties planned. I don't have any friends (just one or two I message from uni) so no evenings out planned. Currently on a placement and everyone is discussing their plans for Christmas and New year and I'm so embarrassed to say I don't have any. Waiting in the que at the school gates listening to two mums discussing their plans. Looking at Facebook posts of people already enjoying the festive celebrations. I know you shouldn't compare and Facebook only shows you the good parts but its real, people have lives.
I'm looking forward to spending time (2 weeks) with my 2 dc's but I'm also feeling a little anxious as it hits home more so than ever that I am single, not alone but lonely.

Their dad walked out on us last year.
He is dropping presents off then going to his young girlfriend’s family home (she still lives at home with her parents) to have Christmas with them. It hurts.
He’s the same age as her parents.

It's my turn to be on my own Xmas Eve as me and ExH alternate - my two DC will be home Xmas Day afternoon. This is my 6th year on my own so I do have a few traditions although for once I'm organised so Xmas Eve won't be spent wrapping presents. I'll be baking a nice Devils Food Cake instead - the DCs choice instead of Xmas Pudding (which I loathe). We're also having pizza for Xmas Dinner - homemade but still the easiest meal to make

Some lovely posts and posters on this thread - I will definitely be here over the festive period. It's a strange kind of loneliness I think.. you're not alone as you have DC, but you feel so lonely as everyone else seems to be having these huge, family get togethers where everyone looks so happy. It's not like that in reality of course, but sure feels like that.

I do have an amazing best friend who I've just spent the weekend with. We did panto and some other bits and I basically soaked up her presence and 'xmasness' to see me through.

I wish everyone a most happy Xmas Eve Eve!

Hi all .. may I join you?

I’m a single mum to 3 boys, facing my first Christmas alone as they are with their Dad Christmas Day and Boxing Day. My family all live abroad so nobody to visit or gatecrash for Christmas dinner!
I have mixed feelings and I’m quite up and down .. one minute enjoying the peace and the next feeling the hurt of the loneliness. Im also long out of an emotionally abusive relationship of 5 years (not my kids dad) so I’m still fragile and trying to recover.
I’m working tomorrow so that will keep me occupied .. I’m a nurse too Welshcakes0
Lovely to chat with others in a similar position while I try to stay off Facebook and all the happy family photos!

Ladywahwah - :( I'm sorry you are feeling so hurt. I remember that feeling. A few years down the line it doesn't hurt anymore, I don't care what he is doing, I actually don't give him a second thought. Come and chat if it helps?
SanFranBear - what is devil's food cake? It has to be yum as it sounds so naughty haha! Sounds like you have had a nice weekend too.
Emzler - of course. Welcome my fellow nurse. What's your plan for yourself? I can imagine that is hard. I'm nor seeing family. I have my dc's so not completely alone. I do feel lonely but I am lucky, I know that. I think I would plan a day of films, a pamper session and lots of chocolate if I were you? A glass of wine or 3 maybe? I'm staying off Facebook.

I have myself lots of treats and a bottle of prosecco! Think I will enjoy a glass in the bath then eat all day
Devils food cake sounds good too!
Happy Christmas preparations and present wrapping everyone!

It's a very decadent, moist chocolate cake with the most amazing frosting!

I make Mary Berrys one - that woman knows how to make a cake! - but I can't find a link online. Here's an easy one though.. highly recommended:

www.bbcgoodfood.com/recipes/11514/devils-food-cake

Well that's my husband moved out this afternoon, so I'm officially alone (except for DD). Feeling very up and down today, just hope DD sleeps as she was up and down loads last night!
I'll bring the if we're having a Christmas party!

SanFranBear - thankyou. I googled it too. Definitely my kinda cake. I'm going to give this a go.
dontpointatme :( it's going to feel strange for you. I hope you're ok? Definitely pour yourself a glass and come and chat :)

I would love to chat
How can it ever not hurt
I just feel so betrayed by the one person who was meant to have my back. He’s left me with a terrible home situation, a LOT of responsibility and no local family.

Ladywahwah - that's exactly why it hurts so much. When people we feel we should trust, leave. I know it feels like the pain will never go away. I remember people saying it to me. I googled so much in order to help myself stop hurting. I never believed the pain would end, but it does. I learnt how to build a new life without him. What are your plans for Christmas?

Thanks @Welshcakes0 I think I'm doing ok - it was all decided a month or so ago so this has got to be better than just existing under the same roof as we have been. It's just a shock to the system to actually see him go I think!
Anyway, on a cheerier note, am just catching up with the Love Island Xmas episode, with a Yankee candle burning and a hot chocolate. Doesn't seem too bad right now!

He’s coming to see the kids for presents before he goes to hers

Then I am seeing friends and family

I know I can build a life without him eventually but yes I trusted him & he left

Lady, the way I'm thinking about it, I'm better off now. Yes the future I planned has gone etc, and that stinks, but at least I know and I'm not still in the dark about it all, thinking everything was still good. Surely that's a worse situation to be in?

True

I'm a single mum of 4. Their father is absent. Christmas day will be spent with my gorgeous kids. I'm at work boxing day. I get lonely too.

This will be my 6th Christmas since exH and I split. No family apart from a sister who usually goes abroad for Christmas. Two youngest (teens) are going to exH tomorrow for him to play happy families with OW and her son, back on 27th. I will have the oldest who does not see his dad but has ASD so will probably spend the day on Youtube as usual.

I will probably do my tax return again on Christmas Day. The HMRC website is nice and fast and at least I end the day with a sense of achievement!

I have spent the last 2 days on my own as my 2 are at the ex's. I have kept myself busy which is easy at this time of the year and a friend called round for coffee and my family pooped over for a couple of hours in the evening. At the end of the day though you are on your own whilst they go back to their families. My boys are back tomorrow, I just hope there are no delays on the train as it is about a 4 hour journey, I just worry that they wont make it back in time.

My brother is coming and so it will be me DS and him, as my mum is in hospital having surgery. Bit quiet this year.

It's my turn this year. So I have my 2 DC and my mum is coming round. My 14 DS will play on his xbox once his presents are open and my 7 DD will be wild!! Ive been on my own 7 yrs now and used to be fine with it all but I'm beginning to feel desperately lonely now 😢. Next year I'm going on the lash 😬

@CatherineofTarragon your post made me cry. What a woman you are!

I've just collapsed into bed after spending the weekend preparing, cleaning, washing, baking, and getting last bits of the food and drink shopping in. My two have been at their dad's so was just me and the small one. My mum came down today to keep him from under my feet so I could get jobs done.

Tomorrow we are baking mince pies, icing and decorating the gingerbread cake, and hanging up snowflake decorations.

I need to dig out the napkins but I have a feeling they are hidden under the mountain of presents in the cupboard under the stairs

I'm hoping to relax tomorrow but we'll see!

I asked my two dds to draw me an OC each (anime original character) and make a card as a present, on Christmas day we have a side of salmon, because it's their favourite and I'm on the anxiety diet so don't really eat much.

Hello All, what a lovely thread this is. Thankyou Welsh!

I wanted thank those who have referred to my earlier post. I have just re read it and god I was a misery that day wasn't I? I was feeling sorry for myself that day and I shouldn't have put that on you all. That was selfish and self indulgent of me and I used MN to vent and I should not have done that because it has made some of you upset and that is not fair.
I know a few of you have called me remarkable but I wanted to clarify I am not. In fact i am prob the most unremarkable person you would ever meet. I think that is probably why I find myself alone again this xmas. But that's ok..it's cool.

I have had a most wonderful few days since I posted. My boys and I have eaten so much shortbread, xmas cake and quality street!!

I'm prepping veg today and making stuffing ready for tomorrow and we can all hardly look as we are so full already. I did also invest in a Baileys Choc luxe and can highly recommend!

I just wanted to say for those of you who are with your DC and/or family tomorrow. Enjoy the day your are in . Enjoy the people you are with. They are so precious and one day you will awake and they may not be there. So whomever you spend tomorrow with, if you are a lone parent with DC's, as I am, or a parent with only DC's and extended family, or no DC's and extended family, enjoy the dawn that's awaits you as you will wake tomorrow and the people who share that new day with you are most priceless.

For those of you, like me , who wake up tomorrow alone but with children, this your chance to shine. Enjoy this day. You ARE your DC's memories and YOU are your DC's xmas and you got this covered. This is also YOUR xmas. You have the magic in your hands Time to sprinkle your Santa dust around your home.

For those of you who are truest alone in every sense of the word. Well, you are perhaps the most privileged tomorrow amongst all of us among all days. You get to spend tomorrow with the one person who has had your back your whole life, the one person who has supported you all these years. The one person who has provided for you and been with you through good times and bad. The one person who has defended you and been by your side always. You have the company of yourself! You need to be kind to yourself tomorrow and spoil yourself however you see fit. Tomorrow is a day for you to allow your mind to rest. Allow your mind to have a day off. Negative unhappy thoughts have no place in your mind for you tomorrow. Tomorrow is a special day for you. A day for you and your mind to relax and unwind and enjoy the new day that lies ahead of you. A day that many others do not get to see.

Tomorrow is really all of our day. I will be thinking of you all as I raise a toast at dinner time. You are not alone as I will all be thinking of each of you while I raise my toast.

Merry xmas posters and a very happy 2019 to you all. xx

Im an adoptive mum so its always just been me and my son. We go to the family in the north west the weekend before Christmas for a small family get together, Christmas Eve breakfast out with friends and then movies in the afternoon, Usually on our own for Christmas and Boxing Day so we just chill out and do what we want. I buy myself 'presents' but its usually stuff I need like pjs, socks. I buy a few books and some nicer than usual bath products and a few silly things, This year I have a hand bell so I can ring my son for tea - I intend to use it to great effect !
We always meet up with friends at some point for the panto.

Now my son is past the going to see Santa stage, we always have a mini break - this year we are off to Kew Gardens for their lights so overnight in London, next day we will do something touristy in London.
I'm not the biggest Christmas fan but my son loves it so I make an effort for him, I think we have a good balance between time just for and seeing family and friends, and I love having two weeks off work this time of year

Another great post @catherinoftarragon. I read but didn’t respond to the first. You DO sound remarkable, insightful and full of empathy.

I wish you and everyone else on this thread an enjoyable day tomorrow