Single mums at Christmas - what are your plans?

[Welshcakes0]

Single mum here - feeling a little anxious about the Christmas break. I am a student nurse so no Christmas work parties planned. I don't have any friends (just one or two I message from uni) so no evenings out planned. Currently on a placement and everyone is discussing their plans for Christmas and New year and I'm so embarrassed to say I don't have any. Waiting in the que at the school gates listening to two mums discussing their plans. Looking at Facebook posts of people already enjoying the festive celebrations. I know you shouldn't compare and Facebook only shows you the good parts but its real, people have lives.
I'm looking forward to spending time (2 weeks) with my 2 dc's but I'm also feeling a little anxious as it hits home more so than ever that I am single, not alone but lonely.

I'd never even considered what life could be like at Christmas for a single parent. You all do such an incredible job for your DCs, prioritising their happiness and often concealing your own loneliness. I hope you can all find ways to be kind to yourselves over the festive period. I have a partner and DCs but struggle with spending so much time together as a family. I miss my space. I find getting out in the fresh air really helps.

Is there anything I can do for my single parent friends to make their christmases more pleasant?

I’m in a similar situation, but my ex has DD so she’ll be with him some days over Christmas and the new year.

For the last 5 years I’ve spent it alone (was on placement last year tho) so it wasn’t as bad as previous years. I got a curry for Christmas Day and will do the same this year. And actually going out for New Year’s Eve for the first time in goodness knows how long.

I went shopping earlier and got a bit depressed looking at all of the party clothes and thinking of the past parties I’ve been to, but then my priorities were diffferent and I don’t have the money to spend on an outfit for one night and all of the other expensive with getting hair and makeup done nowadays.

Just think tho once you qualify you’ll have a better social circle and your kids will be older. I do understand how hard it all is tho and happy to chat.

Shite time of year tbh. Currently my only family, dad, has said he won't be coming. Dd will be devastated and I've all but begged him. Now just have to hope he grows a heart in the next few days... Annoyingly it was him who suggested we spend Xmas with anyone else with a small family (because it would be "boring" otherwise, ta very much ). So I've invited an acquaintance out for Christmas day lunch with her son. They are fine but I'd honestly rather not have done this and had a lazy one at home had I known dad was going to bail. Hugs and to you all.

Just read that some of you wrap your own presents of shampoo etc-genius! Dd always asks why I've not got anything to unwrap and I always say I've just bought myself something already (pick whatever latest thing in house was). Might eek out the morning . Anyone got movies a 7yo and adult might both enjoy? We've got into secret life of the zoo and, weirdly, Consumed on Netflix. I strongly recommend that if any of you are worrying about clutter or messy homes - plus there's always the hope dd might decide to donate some toys after watching it .

I'm on my own too. Been crying on and off all day. Kids with the ex and the OW being 'a family' as he puts it. Mum passed away this year. . Dad been gone for a few years. No siblings. No friends I have realised. Was my birthday this week. A card from my kids and one from my ex MIL. So alone.

Chatting on here lessens the loneliness a little, I'm grateful for so many kind words and for all of your stories shared.
All welcome here to chat, I will be :)
We are not alone alone then.

I have a strong suspicion that come the Queens speech, there are many, many people wishing the ILs would Bugger off home, the DCs would plug into a screen, look longingly at their occupied spot on the sofa and wanting control of the remote, that they’ll be looking at our Facebook pages of us chilled out, still in PJs, eating all the toffee pennies ourselves and they’ll be thinking ‘wish that was me’ 😘

Oh nanny, I’m sorry 😔

Single with two teens. Last year was the first and I found it very hard but I was given a tip from a lovely uncle.

He said to fill the day up with new traditions.

So we planned waffles / pancakes when we woke up (when I dragged the teens out of bed)

Headed out for a country walk for about 90mins (dragged the teens out) surprising how many families do this.

Got home and we all cooked dinner together (yes I held the teens to ransom)

Then watched a blockbuster movie together.

After this they did they're own thing and I was knackered and pleased for some peace and quiet.

It was hard emotionally but the new things, kept my brain busy.

This year we all agreed it was a success and were repeating. Except we're going to do a waffle bar in the morning :D

Not sure if it would help....but I'd recommend some new Christmas traditions

CatherineofTarragon, lovely post and I can relate to all you have said. This will be my 8th Christmas just me and my boys and like you I have always endeavoured to make it special and I hope they will have magical memories of Christmas's when I am long gone. Whilst even when I was with my ex it was me who did everything and turned the house in to a winter wonderland. My 2 are just home from uni and I was so looking forward to it, put off watching our favourite Christmas movies until they came home, waiting until we could decorate the tree together, half the fun of Christmas is the build up. Last night my eldest who had just arrived home told me that they are going to their father's tomorrow until Christmas eve. It was such a blow at the time after my long wait for them to arrive home as I was planning all the movies we were going to watch etc in the run up to Christmas and the food and treats we were going to eat. I felt a black cloud descend on me immediately and it ruined my evening, I guess it was the shock and disappointment of more time on my own. I am feeling fine about it this morning and will hide my feelings from them and wave them off. What frustrates me is that the ex hardly sees them any more, does not help them financially through uni although he could well afford to, but come Christmas starts making demands and guilt trips them in to seeing him, taking away what time we could spend together. Christmas's are changed forever when you divorce, you do all the preparation and are so busy preparing in the build up and I am left thinking what is the point when your time is cut short and I am left on my own again. I feel that Christmas is passing me by, no get together's, no functions to go to etc. However like you I shall make the most of it as always, planning to make mince pies today and we will decorate the tree together and crack open a box of celebrations. Yes I love Christmas but it can be lonely for us single mum's.

My 13th year as a single mum. We spend Xmas eve and the day with my family. This generally runs into the day after Boxing Day. My group of friends often has a meal out in between Xmas and new year as it’s often a quiet time. This year I’m out for NYE too.

You will make your own traditions. I hope you enjoy this first year.

nanny love.

GrumpyOldMare - sounds like a plan :)
nannytothequeen - I'm so sorry. Please come and chat?
WheelyCoteClaus - yes, we have made some ourselves over the past few years of being on our own.
Nicknamesalltaken - actually you are probably right. Chatting on here, I feel less upset.
crimsonlake - it's hard isn't it. Look forward to Christmas eve now. My ex never wants our dc's so I am lucky I never have to actually spend Christmas without them. Until posting, I didn't even consider how hard that must be for some of you.

It is really sad reading this thread and realising there are so many lonely mums out there and we all feel the same.

user1493423934 - I could do with a holiday. Nice! Enjoy.
Sumadoo - thankyou for posting. I like space too as my job is full on and my dc's don't see their dad. I try to get out in the fresh air too. I think inviting your single mum friend(s) over for a cuppa (wine) and a mince pie would be lovely. It's having an invite that would mean so so much. Or a Christmas movie afternoon? I would love either :) and wish I had someone to invite.

It'll be me and one teenager this Christmas, he'll be gaming so not sure how I'll pass the day. I've had a few single mum Christmasses on my own, sometimes it's just lonely and awful, other times it's kind of lovely.

Ways to survive Christmas:

1. Keep a routine.
2. Don't compare your Christmas to the best bits of other people's.
3. Find some quiet moments. Retreat to a bedroom.
4. Read.
5. Do something useful.
6. Know many feel like you. Come online and find them.
7. Stop shopping.

Also follow #joinin on twitter to follow Sarah Milican and other people spending Christmas alone.

Somewhereovertheroad thankyou :)
I'm just wrapping the last few gifts today. My dc's are excited. I'm trying really hard not to over think.
How is everyone?

Till no news from my dad so im not making up the spare room. He can do it himself if he bothers to turn up! I'm going to have the radio on while I'm cooking. Film at some point. Dog walk...that should help while it away.

Afternoon all. First Christmas as a single parent here, wish I’d seen this thread earlier. I am feeling lucky though reading some of your posts that I will have plans for Christmas Day and Boxing Day thanks to lovely friends and family who are rallying round. Christmas has always been a really special time for us as a family and I have found myself dreading it this year, I’ve been channeling my loneliness into some mad cleaning which is not healthy. I am worried about how ds will react, I think he will be ok Christmas morning but the reality of Christmas without dad will hit him later and then I will have a load of hurt and anger directed at me as well as the loneliness to contend with. I honestly told my boss that I may jack in my leave and come into work.

One thing we are doing is changing up Christmas breakfast, we’ve always done one particularly thing and this year I am altering it. That feels like a little bit of control

LonelyandTiredandLow - sounds good.
Wolfcub - what's your new tradition for breakfast?

Some very poignant messages on here. I have been a lone parent for 12 years (though had relationships) children now adults. This year will be the first I’ve spent without them, I’m with my sister and her family overseas. My DC couldn’t/didn’t want to afford the financial cost of the trip. One of the reasons I did this is because I knew my DD wanted to go to her partners mums with all his siblings, sadly I don’t feel I’m enough for my DC, and I truly believe this is the case.

So I’m now here at my sisters which is great, but seeing her and her ‘normal’ family life just reaffirms my shit life back home.

So although I’m with my family, I’m very much alone if that makes sense. Nobody will be aware of how I feel (apart from Mumsnet) and so I’m grateful for a thread like this where I can say it without upsetting anyone.

It’s a very tough time emotionally, you’re all doing your absolute best. Merry Christmas

Welshcakes I’ve always made a stollen for Christmas so this year we are having smoked salmon bagels 🥯

Wolfcub - nice :)