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Original poster

Worried he will want the baby over night.

114 replies

MamaKez2019 · 18/12/2018 16:46

Hi,

My BF walked out 3 weeks after we found out about the baby, took everything and left, including the kitchen bin because he bought it!

I have massive anxiety that when the baby he is born he is going to want to take the baby over night, this is something I can't get my head around. I will be more than happy him coming to the house and spending time with the baby and even helping with bed time routine, but not taking the baby.

Has anyone else been through something similar?

OP posts:
Trinity66 · 18/12/2018 16:49

He will be entitled to have over night access to his baby unless there's a really good reason for him not to.

Mitzimaybe · 18/12/2018 16:54

Don't put him on the birth certificate.

Don't give the baby his surname.

Don't worry so much.

PirateWeasel · 18/12/2018 16:54

If you're breastfeeding he won't be able to, because it's not recommended to introduce bottles for the first few weeks to give mum and baby time to bond. And you will be feeding through the night!

Doyoumind · 18/12/2018 16:56

That's not true. Overnight access won't be required for a newborn, particularly if you are breastfeeding. You can build up towards overnights but can delay it until the baby is a bit older. If he hasn't even asked for this, don't worry. Don't contact him. If he wants to contact you, fine. Personally I wouldn't be keeping him updated with progress and if he shows no interest at all then you don't need to name him on the birth certificate. He can apply to be named later but that would show he's actually interested at least.

BertrandRussell · 18/12/2018 16:58

Don’t put him on the birth certificate. If he wants parental rights he will have to apply for them-and I can practically guarantee he won’t.

Auntiepatricia · 18/12/2018 16:59

You are in a terrible position. And part of that position is understanding that this child has 2 parents, albeit 1 possibly very shit one. There’s lots of underhand things you can do to block him but yes, he can fight for contact and at some point overnight contact if he wants. And if that happens it will be about the child and not you or him. If you’re lucky he’ll leave you both alone.

frazzledasarock · 18/12/2018 16:59

I would get advice from a solicitor.

But agree with pp’s, don’t contact him at all, your name on birth certificate and if you breastfeed he shouldn’t get overnights.

With newborns little and often contact is recommended, so if he pursues contact he could be awarded contact during the day for a few hours but several times a week.

NotANotMan · 18/12/2018 17:07

He will be entitled to have over night access to his baby unless there's a really good reason for him not to

No he bloody won't. Don't say such stupid things.

Basically - when the baby is born you are the only one with parental responsibility. So the baby goes where you say and only you. You decide how much contact you are willing and able to facilitate with the father.
If you put him on the birth certificate he gets PR too but you still get to decide in contact. However if he abducted the baby you would have to go to court to get him back.

If he doesn't like the amount of contact you're offering he can arrange a mediation appointment for you which you both have to pay for. If you refuse to attend or can't come to an agreement he could apply for a court to determine contact.

The courts would tend to promote contact unless there was a good reason not to, so bear that in mind. They look poorly on parents who obstruct contact for what they view as not good reasons.

Ultimately he's not going to get overnights unless and until you agree and/or the courts order it which will not be until the baby is old enough to be ready for that.

Adora10 · 18/12/2018 17:15

Load of BS him having rights to over night access, ignore that!

Listen to NotANotMan.

Trinity66 · 18/12/2018 17:16

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

NotANotMan · 18/12/2018 17:18
Hmm
IHaveBrilloHair · 18/12/2018 17:19

He won't get overnight access with a new born, it just wont happen.
I can see why not putting him on the birth very makes sense, but I can't support that, he is the father.
If he's unreasonable it's highly unlikely hell getting time alone at all.
Good luck x

ScrambledSmegs · 18/12/2018 17:22

He can only be put on the birth certificate if he comes with you to register the birth. He can apply to be put on the birth certificate, but judging by his reaction to discovering you're pregnant, it seems unlikely.

Or has he since indicated that he wants to be involved?

thebabysmellsofpooagain · 18/12/2018 17:23

@Trinity66 I'm not sure @NotANotMan was suggesting to block access, I just read it as offering clarity on the situation that OP has presented.

Chill your bones will you!

IHaveBrilloHair · 18/12/2018 17:28

Oh yes Scrambled, that's true.

BertrandRussell · 18/12/2018 17:32

“I can see why not putting him on the birth very makes sense, but I can't support that, he is the father.”
Why on earth should he be on the birth certificate??

Trinity66 · 18/12/2018 17:35

Why on earth should he be on the birth certificate??

because he's the father? The child deserves to have a father named on their Birth cert?

BertrandRussell · 18/12/2018 17:36

He can go on the birth certificate when he’s earned the right to be there. OP-do nothing that gives him any rights at all until you see how things go in the future.

Celebelly · 18/12/2018 17:39

The child deserves to have a father who wants her and who loves her and who is supportive. Currently he's nothing but a sperm donor.

IHaveBrilloHair · 18/12/2018 17:46

A birth certificate is to document biological parents, it's nothing to do with how they perform as a parent.
Dd's father is on hers, he left when she was 6 weeks old and has never bothered with her in 17yrs, he is still her biological father.

BertrandRussell · 18/12/2018 17:50

“A birth certificate is to document biological parents, it's nothing to do with how they perform as a parent.”
It also gives the father automatic parental rights. The OP should not put him on th birth certificate at this stage. She can make that decision further down the line.

Celebelly · 18/12/2018 17:52

No, the birth certificate is to designate who has parental responsibility. It's not just a record of who donated what bodily fluids, and by putting a feckless individual on there because you think you 'should', you're agreeing that he has parental responsibility and will be able to make and contribute to a decisions about a child's care and upbringing whenever it suits him. That includes decisions about medical treatment, where a child lives, consenting to them leaving the country for holidays, religion, and other important decisions.

kenandbarbie · 18/12/2018 18:01

Would op still get child maintenance if he's not on birth certificate?

Celebelly · 18/12/2018 18:02

Yes, child maintenance and PR are separate.

Bluewidow · 18/12/2018 18:09

Well to be fair we don’t know enough information to make judgements about him
Being on the birth certificate. Yes he doesn’t sound great
Because he’s walked out on her pregnant . However perhaps they were having issues and they were going this way anyway? The poster didn’t say he didn’t want contact or hasn’t been in touch ? I would have assumed as she’s worried about the baby going overnight that be has shown that he does want contact In Which case there is an argument that he has a right to be on the birth certificate.

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