Worried he will want the baby over night.

[MamaKez2019]

Hi,

My BF walked out 3 weeks after we found out about the baby, took everything and left, including the kitchen bin because he bought it!

I have massive anxiety that when the baby he is born he is going to want to take the baby over night, this is something I can't get my head around. I will be more than happy him coming to the house and spending time with the baby and even helping with bed time routine, but not taking the baby.

Has anyone else been through something similar?

If he's that possessive over a kitchen bin I can't imagine how he'd act over a human being he thinks he's entitled to.

But it is the wrong thing to do denying he is the father on the birth certificate. If my son had this done to him when he grows up id be devastated.

Not putting him on the birth cert is not denying his paternity. It's just not putting him on the birth cert. Why is this framed as being so emotive? Am I missing the "no father listed on birth cert betrayal" gene? I know who my father is. I'm perfectly content that he's not on my birth certificate. It's admin, not a life.

Gummy just to clarify skin to skin works very well with a father.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3454343-Update-on-stopping-contact-with-dad-I-m-shaking-please-help

I'd read that, OP. She posted something very similar to this a couple of months ago. It's so very sad.

Yes skin to skin does work with the father, or any other person if the mother isn’t available or dead for example but this one isn’t so the baby’s first choice would indeed be its mum. It disgusts me this whole erosion off mother’s feelings and rights. It’s getting to the point where single mothers who always should have just kept their legs shut are now turning into rent a womb and to hell with the fact that we carry them, give birth and are by far the best placed to care for children ...

Hi everyone, thank you again for all of your messages. I have spoken with him and he confirmed my fears that he thinks it is acceptable to take the baby when it is born away from me for over night visits because 'I can express' so it appears I may have a potential battle on my hands when the time comes. I tried to explain that a new born needs to be with mum but it fell on deaf ears unfortunately! Wish me luck!!!!

It’s a very complex issue. And both mums and dads can be inflexible, selfish, cruel, lacking in understanding. He doesn’t sound great to be honest, threatening a soon to be mum is pretty low.

What right to do you have to decide that he shouldn't be on the birth certificate

The legal right.

It does work with another person, as in it is better than nothing. It is best for baby for it to be mum, the one whose heart beat and breathing it knows, the voice reverberations it is familiar with when it rests on her chest.

Expressing doesn't work for everyone. It can take some people hours to get a couple of ounces or it can be quick. A judge won't let someone take a breastfed baby from its mother or order you to express.

@MamaKez2019 have you sought legal advice as well as asking in here? Gingerbread is a respected ling running charity for single parents who have an advice line. They can't offer legal advice but can offer more general advice and point you in the right direction. This section of their website has a lot of useful information and contact details:

www.gingerbread.org.uk/information/legal-help-and-responsibilities/getting-legal-help/

Get your ducks in a row properly before this man tries to make off with your newborn and hold you to ransom - the police won't intervene to get your baby back to you if he's the baby's father and you haven't done anything official in advance. Get legal advice and see what you can get put in place before the baby is born.

Yes, while you are recovering from the birth, bonding with your new baby and taking care of his/her needs, you can also go out and buy an expressing machine and learn to use that for his convenience. Does he know how long it takes to produce enough milk to last a 24 hour period? Of course not. Does he know about mastitis and cracked nipples? Of course not.

I don't believe any court will tell you to hand over a newborn for overnight visits. And I would be shocked if they insisted you express milk because he has told you to.

Keep his messages, don't put him on the birth cert, don't give the baby his name. And if he tries to force you to do anything you're not comfortable with, cut contact and tell him why.

Just be careful with solicitors too because plenty - like those on this thread will tell you - due to their own agenda and personal experiences - that the right thing to do is to name him on the birth certificate. Just as many doctors are smokers and abuse their own health, some solicitors are arseholes who’ve been rightly prevented from seeing their children. Be cautious

He sounds dangerous.

Can you move house and job? Take a new phone number and block him out of your life?

Don't name him on the certificate. Don't listen to those people who say it's emotional important. When is the last time you read your birth certificate? Because I never had a proper look at mine, and neither does anyone I know.

I would suggest thst you have no more contact with him for now. Let your family and friends support you emotionally, enjoy the rest of your pregnancy.

Are you happy where you are living or would it be better if you lived close to your mum? Before the baby is born there is nothing he csn do to stop you moving away.

Don't put his name on the birth certificate, let him prove his interest by applying to the courts for access. He wont get overnights until your baby is older, if at all.