Is it better to know?

[katherinez]

After a very stressful month with dh saying he wants to leave, I am getting more and more suspicious that he may have found someone else. I have asked him outright and he has denied it but his actions and his words just do not fit at the moment.

Our relationship has been struggling for a while but I just put this down to circumstances. It would never have entered my head that either of us would want to leave IYSWIM. I have always felt secure in our relationship and never had any suspicions before.

But the evidence is mounting up. All circumstantial I must stress. The thing is I really just want to sit it out. He is still here and every day he is, is a day we have together and I really love him with all my heart and want the chance to prove that. At the same time I am seriously beginning to feel like I am going mad. Maybe I am paranoid. The thing is even if something had gone on, I could understand why and would still want to work on our marriage, So maybe it is better not to know. I just dont know how long we can carry on like this. Any advise anyone?

[katherinez]

I know what you mean.

[Tanee58]

Dumbledior??!!!!

No, knowing what's right and doing it aren't the same - I know that too! However, there's a difference between being a serial philanderer & hving a flirtation or affair because you're unhappy. Dior and I, I think, fall into that category (I would never DREAM of having another affair now, but that is because I am happy with dp (apart from his depression & drinking, tht is ). I suspect - and hope - that your dh is the same, and that he'll come back to you if/when you resolve your differences. So your lifeline at the moment is hoping that he'll come with you to relate.

Your poor dd2 - she's probably afraid that you're going to disappear too - and she sees that you are sad. Just keep hugging her. The worst is, she's too little to explain it all to. Keep strong though, and just keep reassuring her that whatever happens, daddy and you love her and you'll always be there - and so will he, even if he's not living at home at the moment.

[Dumbledior]

Tanee - it is a Harry Potter reference!

[Tanee58]

I know - but I prefer your elegant 1950s fashion icon name !

[katherinez]

Must be feeling better today. Have only spent one hour on the phone today. I have been averaging about eight.

[SilentTerror]

I went to counselling alone after my first marriage broke up,and it really helped.
If you can come to terms with things by talking them through with a third party you come to realise what went wrong how to make YOURSELF stronger for the rest of your life.Don't get hung up on what he did wrong or what he is thinking/doing.Be selfish!

[katherinez]

Too True Silent Terror. I have learnt so much already. I will NEVER make these mistakes again.

[hurtwife]

Hi Katherine glad it went well today - i like the bit about a cousellor junkie my H is one of those. It sometimes annoys me when he says what would xxxx say about that. It is also good because if all else fails you can blame your parents and upbringing on all your current problems!! But is does help even if it just gives you some coping stratagies.

[katherinez]

Trying to stay strong. May sound daft but I still hope and pray we get through this. He really is such a wonderful man. Still trying to look after myself and the girls though. Need to give him the space and time he needs. I truly love him so much. I really do.

[hurtwife]

Of course you still love him - you have known him through good and bad times before. You are not mad to still want it to work out - but it is not an easy journey.

He is 'stuck' in the thick of it and probably cant see the big picture. You can. Stay strong and think about what you want now.

Even if he does come back things will change. This sort of thing really will make you a stronger person in the end.

Hope you have a good day - i am not around much but will try and catch up tomorrow.

[katherinez]

Thanks hurtwife. Just opened a new thread, onwards and upwards.

[Tanee58]

Good luck, Katherine, will try to catch you on your new thread and really hope it works out for you.