Being replaced

[brainache78]

I am absolutely broken and confused.

My DP of 5 years dumped me out of the blue a few weeks ago. He said it 'wasn't working' and I don't understand what he meant.

We were friends for years before we got together and had a wonderful (I thought) relationship. We have the same sense of humour, taste in music, outlook on life, taste in pretty much everything. We have a million in-jokes and deeply care for one another. We rarely argued and, when we did, worked through it in a adult fashion and made up quickly. I thought we were so, so happy.

And then bang. I'm dumped.

I've been struggling with that for a few weeks. Doing the usual heartbroken things - not eating or sleeping and crying pretty constantly. Not knowing where it went wrong.

And then - guess what? - he's seeing someone else. He says there was no overlap, but I don't believe that.

It doesn't really matter either way - the fact is that he has chosen someone else over me.

And I know it sounds arrogant, but I don't understand what someone else can give him that I can't. We are such a good match. It has totally destroyed my faith in everything I believed about me, him and our relationship and I'm grieving.

He says he still loves me. He has been on the phone crying about how much he misses me - yet he is sticking to his guns (before you say it - I have blocked him now - but we have the same mutual friends, so I saw him at a funeral yesterday and there are always going to be times where we see each other).

Our friends are as baffled as I am and are mostly calling him a fucking idiot. I believe some of them have said it to his face.

So what is all that about - and how the hell do I get over someone throwing away everything we had and replacing me before my side of the bed is even cold?!

I am scared I will never love anyone again the way I love him.

Just marking my place, pretty much treating tomorrow as a normal day.

Three months post ex waking out for OW. Moved out my home (thankfully) straight into hers. It's going to be tough tomorrow knowing they are happily (possibly, cracks are showing in the relationship already) having their Christmas Day together.

I will do my horses in the morning, have dinner around parents early afternoon, back to put horses to bed about 6pm then that's me done for the day. Go and sit at home with the cats

Roll on New Years Day, that day will be the one I celebrate. New Year, new start

Welcome, @Lolorolomolo.
I'm so sorry you are going through this, but thank you for joining us here. I hope the lovely people here can support you too.

Thank you, @missbee90. That is a really good thing to read and remember. I'll hold on to it.

@BayandBlonde
Not another one! Have a hand hold and a bunch of . I can't believe how many of us are going through it.

@Kikidelight. Hang on in there, lovely. Soon this milestone will be over and we can all get through a year of 'firsts' without them. Each one is a step to getting free of them.

Wishing you all a peaceful Christmas Eve without any more I welcome contact! Calling from unknown numbers? Wanker.
X

Last comment to @carrotflinger - should be fairly obvious who I was talking about! I can't believe he ambushed you like that - except I actually can because it was a total dick move and he's clearly king of the penises.

@carrotflinger

Don't reply to his 'Merry Christmas' message. This is definitely a no contact / ignore message. I know how hard it is, if you have to write something maybe just send a very short 'Thanks', do not reciprocate.

I know I will get the message tomorrow morning, and thanking him will be last thing I want to type but we must rise above them. Sadly a Fuck You is still giving him attention / feed.

I will probably just go with a thumbs up 👍

@carrotflinger

Sorry forgot the mention the cats. I have two and they literally breathed a sigh of relief when he left. I know they wasn't a fan but I didn't quite realise how much that disliked him. (We we're together three years so not a huge stretch)

I have promised the kitties no one will be coming back into their home. If I do date again (40 old now) it will be strictly separate homes, and if that means I stay single then so be it

Go with the 👍. My ex hated it when I sent just that. He said it was as if I didn't give a flying fuck when I sent it.

It's so sad there's so many of us feeling so shit. It could be worse though, we could have their morals!

It’s just too f’d to put into words right now
I’m reading chump lady website which is really helping

I've just had
'Happy Christmas, my gorgeous girl'

Er...happy? Not after you broke me, you shitbag.

Your? Your?! No. Not yours. You gave me a way.

What the fuck?!

Brainache: what the fuck? I would inform his new girlfriend. It sounds like he's keeping his foot in the door, just in case the grass isn't greener... which it won't be. What a fucking prick!

I am fucking fuming for you! How dare he? 🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬

I am feeling just vindictive enough that if i had any way of contacting her I might send her a screen shot.

Although, actually, I would never do that. It's not in me. I'm heartbroken and sad, but not bitter and twisted.

I do think it's shitty on his behalf to do that to her. She deserves better.

God what a cunt

Seriously block him. I put up with that shut for so long. And believed him. He moved me, he was unhappy, he missed me, he thought about me.
It’s just manipulation
It literally makes me want to go and set fire to his house

And actually telling her doesn’t make you bitter and twisted btw. It makes you want to call him out on his fucking lies which is another thing all together

@brainache78 - this pathetic little shit is a complete and utter knobhead.
"My gorgeous girl" - fuck off.
Things not so rosy with his new shiny person?

Mine sent his text exactly at the time I thought he might - straight after his family's Christmas Eve meal was finished. Did it last year too. He hates his family.... mind you, he actually has good reason to. He's sitting at the Christmas meal thinking - I know, straight after this hell is over I'll go and write to Carrotflinger and she'll respond and make all the hurt go away again.
Well I haven't responded and I do not intend to either.
He can write to one of his many whatsapp girlfriends - if they are so much better than me why isn't he?
Fuckface.

You are much kinder than me. I'd shatter his world to smithereens. She needs to know what a piece of shit he is.

Block again

Even if she saw that, he would have a snakey excuse to get out of it

I agree, it wouldn't make you look bitter and twisted. After the initial shock, I'd be very grateful indeed if someone warned me my man (if I had one 😬) was up to no good.

@Bayandblonde
The two cats I had when my previous ex lived here HATED him and I didn't really realize until he moved out. My little girl helped him pack by flinging his underwear out of the drawer when she realized what was going on and my boy had been ill for months with a mysterious illness (endless trips to vet and examinations and nothing found) - the day after ex left he came out from the corner he had been hiding in and was back to normal. Illness gone.

Girl cat died and fuckface and I decided to get two kittens to help boy cat who was really struggling. The day after the kittens move in Fuckface fucks off claiming he didn't want them and they stank and he didn't like a litter box in the house. That wasn't his only reason but he was vile about the cats. Oh and he said I loved boy cat more than I loved him - well that's true isn't it... boy cat doesn't drink, doesn't go to brothels, doesn't have insane parents and doesn't treat me badly.

A couple of years ago we had discussed moving into part of his parents' large house and turning it into a flat but his mother said I couldn't bring the cats and she'd let them out to play on the road if I did. Then when girl cat died she was so hideously vile about her. That cat had more compassion and love in her tiny little paw than ex and his entire family have.

@carrotflinger I think things are fine with shiny new girl, actually.

Another mutual friend sent me a message earlier saying she was shocked and horrified to see he has changed his Facebook status to 'in a relationship with xxx' She didn't know we'd split up let alone that he'd moved on already.

I want all of these shocked and horrified people to say something to him, but I know they won't. People generally don't like to take sides, do they? I wish someone would, though!

That's just me wanting revenge, though.

I have to stop wasting my brainspace on him.

I have a sunshiny day by the pool tomorrow - and I'm going on a date next week.

Fuck him backwards. I hope it all turns to shite and he's left wondering what the fuck he'd done.

I'll get my revenge by moving on and being generally fabulous - as you all will too

Glad you’ve got a lovely day tomorrow!
Please do block him though. It’s not worth the pain of having to head from him.

@carrotflinger.
Cats are definitely, infinitely better than men!

I got 2 new kittens shortly before knobhead dumped me and they have seen me through. They are faithful and warm. Two things he isn't.

They are also good judges of character too - yours certainly are!

As promised, I bought myself a new necklace today to replace the one he gave me that meant something to us both.

This one means something to me - it's a cat! And it's me celebrating moving on.

@brainache78 - “My gorgeous girl” how dare he, honestly that made my blood boil for you .. I’d have the friend screenshot and post in the comments section of the Facebook update of his new relationship (I wouldn’t because like you I’m not vindictive but in my 5% crazy brain .. I’d fucking love to! I hope you’re ok and looking forward to a beach day xx

Love the cat necklace @brainache78

Merry Christmas ladies, feeling it this morning to be honest. Can’t shift the thought of him and his girlfriend probably waking up together like we used too ... (I have no idea if they are but of course in my head they are!) I’m sure once I have a house full of people it’ll pass xx

Ditto miss bee

He’s here now to give the kids presents but turned up covered in her blonde hair

I’m making the baby nap and he’s downstairs with our eldest playing with toys

I invited him for lunch but he is going to hers where she lives with her mum and step dad who are the same age as him. Creep.