"But we took you to Stately Homes" - survivors of dysfunctional and toxic families

[toomuchtooold]

It's November 2018, and the Stately Home is still open to visitors.

Forerunning threads:
December 2007
March 2008
August 2008
February 2009
May 2009
January 2010
April 2010
August 2010
March 2011
November 2011
January 2012
November 2012
January 2013
March 2013
August 2013
December 2013
February 2014
April 2014
July 2014
Oct 14 – Dec 14
Dec 14 – March 15
March 2015 - Nov 2015
Nov 2015 - Feb 2016
Feb 2016 - Oct 2016
Oct 2016 - Feb 2017
Feb 2017 - May 2017
May 2017 - August 2017
August 2017 - December 2017
December 2017 - November 2018

Welcome to the Stately Homes Thread.

This is a long running thread which was originally started up by 'pages' see original thread here (December 2007)

So this thread originates from that thread and has become a safe haven for Adult children of abusive families.

The title refers to an original poster's family who claimed they could not have been abusive as they had taken her to plenty of Stately Homes during her childhood!

One thing you will never hear on this thread is that your abuse or experience was not that bad. You will never have your feelings minimised the way they were when you were a child, or now that you are an adult. To coin the phrase of a much respected past poster Ally90;

'Nobody can judge how sad your childhood made you, even if you wrote a novel on it, only you know that. I can well imagine any of us saying some of the seemingly trivial things our parents/ siblings did to us to many of our real life acquaintances and them not understanding why we were upset/ angry/ hurt etc. And that is why this thread is here. It's a safe place to vent our true feelings, validate our childhood/ lifetime experiences of being hurt/ angry etc by our parents behaviour and to get support for dealing with family in the here and now.'

Most new posters generally start off their posts by saying; but it wasn't that bad for me or my experience wasn't as awful as x,y or z's.

Some on here have been emotionally abused and/ or physically abused. Some are not sure what category (there doesn't have to be any) they fall into.

NONE of that matters. What matters is how 'YOU' felt growing up, how 'YOU' feel now and a chance to talk about how and why those childhood experiences and/ or current parental contact, has left you feeling damaged, falling apart from the inside out and stumbling around trying to find your sense of self-worth.

You might also find the following links and information useful, if you have come this far and are still not sure whether you belong here or not.

'Toxic Parents' by Susan Forward.

I started with this book and found it really useful.

Here are some excerpts:

"Once you get going, most toxic parents will counterattack. After all, if they had the capacity to listen, to hear, to be reasonable, to respect your feelings, and to promote your independence, they wouldn't be toxic parents. They will probably perceive your words as treacherous personal assaults. They will tend to fall back on the same tactics and defences that they have always used, only more so.

Remember, the important thing is not their reaction but your response. If you can stand fast in the face of your parents' fury, accusations, threats and guilt-peddling, you will experience your finest hour.

Here are some typical parental reactions to confrontation:

"It never happened". Parents who have used denial to avoid their own feelings of inadequacy or anxiety, will undoubtedly use it during confrontation, to promote their version of reality. They'll insist that your allegations never happened, or that you're exaggerating. They won't remember, or they will accuse you of lying.

YOUR RESPONSE: Just because you don't remember, doesn't mean it didn't happen".

"It was your fault." Toxic parents are almost never willing to accept responsibility for their destructive behaviour. Instead, they will blame you. They will say that you were bad, or that you were difficult. They will claim that they did the best that they could but that you always created problems for them. They will say that you drove them crazy. They will offer as proof, the fact that everybody in the family knew what a problem you were. They will offer up a laundry list of your alleged offences against them.

YOUR RESPONSE: "You can keep trying to make this my fault, but I'm not going to accept the responsibility for what you did to me, when I was a child".

"I said I was sorry what more do you want?" Some parents may acknowledge a few of the things that you say but be unwilling to do anything about it.

YOUR RESPONSE: "I appreciate your apology, but that is just a beginning. If you're truly sorry, you'll work through this with me, to make a better relationship."

"We did the best we could." Some parents will remind you of how tough they had it while you were growing up and how hard they struggled. They will say such things as "You'll never understand what I was going through," or "I did the best I could". This particular style of response will often stir up a lot of sympathy and compassion for your parents. This is understandable, but it makes it difficult for you to remain focused on what you need to say in your confrontation. The temptation is for you once again to put their needs ahead of your own. It is important that you be able to acknowledge their difficulties, without invalidating your own.

YOUR RESPONSE: "I understand that you had a hard time, and I'm sure that you didn't hurt me on purpose, but I need you to understand that the way you dealt with your problems really did hurt me"

"Look what we did for you." Many parents will attempt to counter your assertions by recalling the wonderful times you had as a child and the loving moments you and they shared. By focusing on the good things, they can avoid looking at the darker side of their behaviour. Parents will typically remind you of gifts they gave you, places they took you, sacrifices they made for you, and thoughtful things they did. They will say things like, "this is the thanks we get" or "nothing was ever enough for you."

YOUR RESPONSE: "I appreciate those things very much, but they didn't make up for ...."

"How can you do this to me?" Some parents act like martyrs. They'll collapse into tears, wring their hands, and express shock and disbelief at your "cruelty". They will act as if your confrontation has victimized them. They will accuse you of hurting them, or disappointing them. They will complain that they don't need this, they have enough problems. They will tell you that they are not strong enough or healthy enough to take this, that the heartache will kill them. Some of their sadness will, of course, be genuine. It is sad for parents to face their own shortcomings, to realise that they have caused their children significant pain. But their sadness can also be manipulative and controlling. It is their way of using guilt to try to make you back down from the confrontation.

YOUR RESPONSE: "I'm sorry you're upset. I'm sorry you're hurt. But I'm not willing to give up on this. I've been hurting for a long time, too."

Helpful Websites

Alice Miller
Personality Disorders definition
Daughters of narcissistic mothers
Out of the FOG
You carry the cure in your own heart
Help for adult children of child abuse
Pete Walker
The Echo Society
There are also one or two less public offshoots of Stately Homes, PM AttilaTheMeerkat or toomuchtooold for details.

Some books:

Toxic Parents by Susan Forward
Homecoming by John Bradshaw
Will I ever be good enough? by Karyl McBride
If you had controlling parents by Dan Neuharth
When you and your mother can't be friends by Victoria Segunda
Children of the self-absorbed by Nina Brown - check reviews on this, I didn't find it useful myself.
Recovery of your inner child by Lucia Capacchione
Childhood Disrupted by Donna Jackson Nazakawa

This final quote is from smithfield posting as therealsmithfield:

"I'm sure the other posters will be along shortly to add anything they feel I have left out. I personally don't claim to be sorted but I will say my head has become a helluva lot straighter since I started posting here. You will receive a lot of wisdom but above all else the insights and advice given will 'always' be delivered with warmth and support."

Lifeisnotsimple just read your posts on here. After all the things your dm has said and done to you how does your brother still adore your dm? Sorry you had to put up with that level of abuse for 38 years.

He adores her cos hes the golden child and she facilitates his bad behaviour. He thinks ive got mental health issues cos she told him i have ( suppose i do in a way its her) and when we had the bust up im unhinged, gone loopy she cant elaborate tho how or why ive gone loopy, shes the victim ive just rung and went crazy for no reason at all. My older bro told me what she said lol. Any logical rational person would think hey ive known this person for 38yrs and shes never acted that way before maybe i will contact her to find out what happened. No he cant ring me cos she wont let him and anyway he doesnt because ive been so dam rude to her and all shes done for me. So he thinks poor mum. All info has to go through her like a telephone exchange lol. She deals with all incoming info and she outputs her version of the events. When i went nc i realised me and my brothers have never really spoke on the telephone to each other much. If it did happen my dm would be like the interrogator, we would have to tell every detail. She loves drama and thrives on it her face lights up. When i had to induce my dead baby she turned up with a pile of home made sandwiches and tea like it was a side show ffs.

Hi toomuchtooold thanks for your advice. Fortunately she doesn't have a key, and regarding her stuff, it's a tricky one. My mother is technically homeless - she was originally moving a house and whilst that was going through she was staying with me. It was only for 'a couple of days'. After five days, she pulled out of buying the new house, had a major temper tantrum when her solicitors couldn't get her her money at 5pm on a Friday evening, and threw her laptop on my livingroom floor where it landed a couple of feet away from my six year old. Shhe spent a week doing NOTHING about her situation, then decided to buy a boat. I know. Anyway, the boat still isnt ready - she spent another week at ours, ruined Christmas eve swhen she hurt my 8year old daughter, and left early jan to stay in rental cottages 'on holiday'. She is still 'on holiday' though she's staying in places a very short drive away from me. We can't afford to rent a storage unit, and due to the stuff she has here (its bulky things like paintings) we're unable to get them to someome else that can store them - we don't own a car. She's actually storing a load of her shiy at my nans house - she's filled her garage, we'd take it to her if we could.
My mother called me on Monday, where she swore at me, making very passive aggressive comments like 'nobody gives a fuck that I'm homeless' (my mother NEVER swears unless shes very angry). she started texting and emailing me yesterday, and then again today go ask if im alive. Im trying to go no - contact, i gave her an ultimatum last year actually, when I asked if she could stop bringing something up that upsets me, and she flipped and told me how much I've hurt her throughout my life. I know she is incapable of changing. Not sure what my next step should be.
Sorry this has been long.

Soliloquy what do you say when your dm says about being homeless? Do you get angry with her? From an outsider looking in its like your dm is another one of your children and behaves like one spoilt brat. Personally i could not tolerate her causing my child harm. How dare she. I think id ring her in her holiday home and tell her she got 30 days to get rid of her stuff. What would she say? Whens this boat ready?

lifeisnotsimple the last time she brought up her (elective) homelessness, I said smfn along the lines of 'why should everyone be calling you? You're always saying you're fine and you've looked after yourself for forty years'. I don't get angry, there's no point with her, and plus she terrifies me. I feel like telling her 'STOP MOVING HOUSE' but there's no point.
If I was to tell her to collect her crap, she'd go ape. Lol, just before she left she visited my nan and my nan asked her when she's planning on moving her stuff out of my nans garage. My mother has filled AN ENTIRE DOUBLE GARAGE full of junk my mkther admits to 'not even wanting'. Anyway, dm came back to mine and was NOT happy 'I never ask them for fucking anything, all it is is boxes of stuff, they dont even need their garage, i dont even want most of the stuff thats their'.
As for the boat - last Friday when she called me (to tell me she's coming over (to TELL ME,right lol) to collect her post) she said her dreamboat will be ready by Monday. ALas, Mondays' phone call it was 'probably Friday', so tomorrow. Maybe? WHO KNOWS!!

Solliloquy what are you afraid of, her going off on one. She going off on one each and every time she speaks to you. She says about her stuff like its not her responsibility. I would quip well perhaps nan will throw it in the skip. What does your dh say? If ur scared of her and i dont mean to be glib cos ive been there. Could you not ask your dh to be the excuse and say to her dh wants the space back and hes insisting he wants it out on a deadline otherwise it will have to be skipped. Now i can imagine the response and expletives, but youve heard it all before her nasty comments etc when shes finished say ok thats a yes then. Again the deadline for the boat is extended and extended whilst shes swaning around on holiday leaving a trail of crap behind her. Im sorry but u have to start to looking after no1 and your family. Its very scary but its the only way it will end. When i went nc with my dm i was scared for my life, on a par with waiting for a hitman to turn up on my door, id not sleep, pace the floor and nothing happened. She can turn up at ur door ring the police. She phones u put the phone down immediately, sends a text delete it before opening. Please dont put up with her bad behaviour no more.

(The swanning off leaving a trail of crap bit really made me laugh), i dont actually know what im scared of, or why I'm scared of her, maybe because she's threatened me growing up (I'm going to cave your head in if you don't shut up'), been in cars with her when she's driving erratically and saying she feels like driving it into a wall. I don't know! I know its stupid, growing up SHE was God, and even though now she cant send me to my room, or 'punish' me, I'm still worried. I will do it though!
My husband hates her. He's never liked her, and she's NEVER tried to bully or belittle him (directly anyway) because she knows he wouldn't stand it (and give her a gob full of abuse back probably). Shhe targets me when he's not around. She's learnt his work schedule, and will contact me when she knows he's left the house. Sad right? He puts up with her nonsense like letting her stay etc, because he doesn't want t o cause me stress by saying no. He told me this this morning.

Hi everyone,

I’m so sorry to butt in but I need a bit of urgent advice please.

Solliloquy I’m sorry I didn’t get back to you the other night. I was working night shift and it was busier than I expected. I’ll catch up with thread shortly but if anyone can offer some advice tonight I’d be very grateful.

I posted on MN about a week ago re going NC with my mother. I don’t know how to link the thread but it’s under this username if any cares to have a look. No worries if not. The short of it is I’ve had enough and have decided NC with my mother however her birthday is tomorrow and I’m feeling mentally and emotionally weak.

I thought I could do it but I’m just all over the place. One minute I’ve made the right decision and the next I’m the biggest bitch who ever existed.

I learned the term ‘flying monkey’ on the thread I mentioned above. I believe my aunt is one though I absolutely don’t believe she is intentionally. I believe she’s just been beaten into it after years of emotional abuse by her own mother and siblings. Anyway, she did exactly what I expected and has text me to ask me to please send at least a message to my mother tomorrow. I would die for this woman, I really would. I adore her and love her with every fibre of my being but I can’t do this for her. I’m 40 years old and I’ve had enough hurt. I’ve managed to tell her and apologised for not being able to do as she wishes but I’m aching now. My heart is broken for her.

I don’t know if I should just text my mother so that my aunt can feel at ease and not hurting.

I don’t even know what I want to hear. Just anything I think. I don’t even know how to sign this post off. I think I’m beginning to hate my mother for doing this to me and her own sister.

Can’t believe I just wrote that about my mother. I love her and hate her. Isn’t that a f**k up?

Solliloquy you have the perfect excuse, say that dh wants the shit out by x date if not its going to charity, skip whatever. If she starts say dont speak to me speak to dh not my doing. Play the bugger at her own game by not being accountable for your actions. Obviously as long as dh will play along. Dh sounds like ur rock. My dm was god too and threats to end your life feel real when yr little but we are not now and the power has shifted. She cant hurt you physically, i know the words cut so deep its like youve been cut physically. No other normal human being would put up with her childish behaviour. What is she like with nan, cos coming home to you slagging her off sounds like she doesnt do it with her. Once the stuff is gone id revert back to my previous post. I think if it were me childish i know but if she came round or caught u off guard and started ranting id put my fingers in my ears and start hysterically laughing. She will think u have lost the plot but it might stop her momentiterily mid rant cos ur not listening or like me have a blow out but you dont sound as unhinged as me lmao. Something has to change she certainly aint she a law of her own.

Thisis the last straw please dont feel guilt, thats how she plays the game. My older bro wanted me to make up with dm but only cos it was easy forhim. Same for aunt she doesnt like the situation so asking you to go against your wishes. Do not send a msg at all costs. If you had a burglary. would you leave the door wide open to be burgled again. No so dont allow your dm to hurt u again.

@Life, thank you. That’s a great analogy. I’m going to stick it out. I know she’ll actually be hoping I don’t contact her so she can tell everyone how awful I am. She’ll be the centre of attention which is her favourite place. I’m past caring about her lies and drama, I’m just so hurt for my aunt who, in her 70s, just cannot see the real person her sister is. It’s just so sad.

Laststraw you cant feel guilt ridden for your aunt, you have to say u have your reasons. It is all sad. In the early days id cry alot but no more. My dm is such a victim and how so weak. Can bully people but cant be accountable for her actions. Silence is a powerful response and thats what you are showing them you are in control. She cant hurt silence.

Thank you @Life

I’ve told her and she was outwardly okay. Said she understood but I know she’ll cry herself to sleep maybe not even sleep.

I have to be strong. I’ve decided not to mention my mother to my aunt again and if she brings her up I’m going to memorise one sentence to shut down any further talking about her. Something like “I’m sorry you’re hurting but I don’t want to talk about it”. It’s very blunt but I think she’ll get the message very quickly and hopefully accept my decision.

@Thisisthelaststraw It will feel so hard because you're making a decision for you, going against the grain and doing what's best for you, and that's a good thing, a real good thing. I know you said that your Aunt asked you to do this one thing but if she's half what you say she is she will understand and feel so proud of you soon enough.

With mine I got to the point where I just could not face mine at all, in any way anymore, I was so fearful that it was akin to asking a phobic to put their hand in a tank of snakes, you can't, and if you're made to consider it you fear you will shut down or break down. It sounds like you're at that point right now. It's not something you can push through no matter who is asking you to. It feels painful because you're going against the grain, people expect things from you that you simply cannot deliver. Don't beat yourself up about this, not ever, it's your own mind protecting you from an unsafe environment and it's doing that for a good reasons, not selfish ones. This is your life, not anyone else's, yours, this means you get to make your own decisions that feel right for you even if they are unpopular. By all means tell people if you want, open a discussion if you want but you get the final say, always!

Be kind to yourself, especially today, you need to heal. It does get better.

Thisisthelaststraw I'm really sorry you're going through this. Does your aunt know what went on in your house when you were a kid? It's hard sometimes to explain emotional abuse, but you mentioned that both you and your brother were beaten - does your aunt know that? If she does, then sorry, I cannot see her as being the saintly person that you see her as. I mean, I don't doubt that she is a lovely person. But she is prioritising her wish to avoid conflict over your wellbeing. (I wonder what your grandmother was like.) Someone who was really in your corner would be willing to stand up to her sister and say "look, you are my sister, I will always love you, but you have treated your children badly and I don't blame them for not wanting to be in contact with you. She would say, I want to stay friends with you both, but if you force me to choose, then I will choose laststraw because she is not asking me to choose, she is just trying to have a peaceful life, and because you were abusive to her when you should have been caring for her, and none of this is her fault." And then all hell would break loose, and a good friend would try and shield you from that.
Instead, your aunt is trying to shoehorn you back into the codependent dysfunctional family role that you and she have in common: peacemaker. She sees you as a reasonable person like herself, and she's right, but where she's wrong is that she thinks that the reasonable people have to control the unreasonable people's behaviour by anticipating what they want and giving it to them. That's a choice, you don't have to do that, and your aunt has no business asking for that from you.
You mentioned in your thread that your mother hitting your brother bothered you more. That's also quite common with codependent people. It's easier to see someone else as being worthy of care than it is yourself, because you've been brought up to believe that your needs and wants were unimportant. (That's part of the reason, I think, that it's so common for people to break contact when their kids are small - people will take shite off their abusive parents for years and years and then as soon as they have kids, one incident and the abuser is out the door wondering what the hell happened.) Have you read Codependency for Dummies? I bet it will strike a chord for you.

Thisisthelaststraw please dont think im trying to push you into anything you dont want to do. 100% its your call, you are the one dealing with this, you know how far and how much you can mentally put up with. I just trying to find ways you could handle the situation. Im not telling you that you must do it. Fear is a powerful emotion and i know first hand the shaking, sweating, fainting fear, pacing up and down not sleeping kind of fear, you feel immobilised but you do come to a point where you know this cycle will never end. No one is gonna scoop you up like a magic wand and make it all go away no matter how fearful you are it didnt happen as a kid and it wont happen now. So what do you do carry on like its not happening cos of fear or actually address the problems head on and break the cycle. Fears like phobias can be overcome, you do have options. You dont have to do it on your own embrace those who actually care for you dh, other rels, a trusted counsellor etc make a plan together so you have others to lean on. You know how predictable she is with her rants so think about the aftermath and how you can get out safely before you approach. Do it in baby steps. When i had my times of extreme fear my dh would step in and back me up, your not battling alone. I only had him as my backup. I didnt just have one huge argument and that was the end, i tried on many occasions to break away and they all failed, so i started like baby steps finding little ways to keep my self safe when i was brave enough to have a go, yes i would retreat back into my box like a good little girl, feel hurt frightened cos id pushed it but it was because i didnt have a plan of what to do after id had a go, i was just reactionary and she d put me in my place. my dh helped to be safe, i did move house which helped but im not suggesting you do that of course, i did try and go bland like grey rock it didnt work, i eventually rang her less and would stop visiting so often, if she turned up id lie like you never believe make out no i wasnt avoiding her just busy etc. I withdrew ever so slightly out of the spotlight she noticed but id lie lie and lie. So it kept me safe. Im not saying this will be right for you cos everyone has different circumstances but all im saying is you do have options and you dont have to be in this abusive cycle forever.

Guys, I have done it! Today!

thisisthelaststraw I'm sorry you're feeling worse for wear. Do you benefit from writing things down? Keep thinking about all the things you're gaining (or have already gained) from standing your ground.

Sollioquy omg how do you feel, what did she say? Have you got a back up plan?

Feeling rather useless here. I’m so thankful for all your kind words and advice and I wish I could offer the same but I’m just not equipped with knowledge or words of wisdom today.

I can identify with so much here and it confirms I’m not making a mountain out of a molehill. With that in mind I’m hoping my only offering, which is to say “you’re not alone”, can be of some comfort to those of you wondering if you’ve made or are making the right decision. I hope that makes sense.

I’ve already spoken to aunt today. It was about my uncle (who I actually call Dad but that’s another story. Just wanted to put it here in case I refer to him again in the future as ‘dad’). She was in good form and never mentioned mum. Mum will wear her down over the coming weeks. Time will tell what family I have left after the dust settles.

My brother asked for mum’s number. He’s going to contact her. He leaves for Canada in a couple of weeks and wants to make the effort to speak before he goes. He’s full of guilt. I’m staying out of it.

I do find writing helps. It’s never very well put together, more random rambling but I find more comes out than I expect or even knew I felt.

I’m going to pass my time today with distraction.

Good on you @Silliloquy. How’d it go?

I can’t believe how much I can identify with posts on here. I feel like we could all be talking about the same woman. So strange.

Sorry meant @Solliloquy

Thisisthelaststraw,

re your comment:-

"My brother asked for mum’s number. He’s going to contact her. He leaves for Canada in a couple of weeks and wants to make the effort to speak before he goes. He’s full of guilt. I’m staying out of it".

Feel sorry for your brother as well as you here because he is in the FOG too. I can tell you now that this call will not go well for him and will only serve to put his own recovery from abuse back further. You are wise indeed to stay out of it.

I also think that when the dust settles your family will consist of your brother. If the aunt continues to act as a flying monkey then she should be cut out of your life, no ifs or buts here. She is only acting in her own best interests here, not yours.

Laststraw some times just finding people who say yeah it was like that for me is a comfort. We all have come here through dif circumstances but one common theme which seems strange to others. Some days i cant deal with it cos i have compassion and i want to be compassionate towards my dm despite her hurting me. Like a sort of stockholm syndrome, i want peace and other days im mad as hell. Its like life it ebbs and flows. What ive realised tho even tho we have nc shes still very much part of my life living in my brain, yes i dont have to deal with it face to face but she pops up when i behave like her and i have to corrrect myself. I was hypercritical of my son the other day and there she is, i apologised to him and scolded myself for doing it. I think its easier for your brother because he knows hes going to canada and can get away, so he will be safe. My brother also lives far away and when he says stuff to guilt trip me, its ok for him cos hes safely tucked up far away from the drama.

@Attilla I was thinking the same ye db contacting her but I’ve since wondered if she’ll actually do another one of her usual numbers and suck him right back in. She seems to hate that we have a good relationship which has always confused me. I only have one dc but had I more I’m sure I would be delighted they were so close. Anyway, I think now she’s fallen out with me she’ll try to get him onside again. He won’t entertain it. He’s very clued in to her ways he’s just, as you say, in the FOG (something I’m still learning about). I won’t start writing about him or I’ll be writing all day but it’s enough to say he’s an incredible human who has been deeply scarred by mum.

I was on the verge of telling him not to call but it’s reallt not my place. I’ll be here for him always but he’s a grown man and as much as I want to protect him I can’t interfere. If by chance she makes amends with him before he leaves then I’ll be happy for him even if I can see through her.

My aunt will stop asking me to contact mum. I’m more confident of that today. I’m just hurting because I know it hurts her. I have to remember she grew up with my mother. Their relationship existed before I came to be. Their relationship is different. Their mother was exactly like my mother. She could cut you with her tongue. I think my aunt always felt it her duty to protect my mother just as I do with my brother. She’s still sheltering her. From what I don’t know. A learned behaviour? I’m still trying to make sense of it all.

She wasn’t aware of my mothers abuse. My mother was a recover alcoholic from when I was 4yo. I have no memory or her drinking l but I do recall her talking about how diffficult her adult life was to me as a child. I was her confidante. She discussed things with me and told me how awful everyone else was that I grew up thinking she had been mistreated by everyone and that she was an amazing person who had been through it all and come out fighting. I even wrote an exam essay in school about it titled “the person I most admire”. She made me see her that way. I never talked ill of her and never told my aunt the things she did. God this is bringing up so much. I’m only touching the tip.

I need to take a break. I’m sad but I’m okay. No need to reply. I’ll be back later xx
Thank you.