Does anyone else's OH do this?

[HeartShapedBooks]

DP was tired last night so went off to bed at 7:30. I was up till midnight with one of our dc's whose currently having a few issues. Dp got up several times to use the loo, not once did he come help. Then he bounced out of bed this morning, asked me how my night was, and when I responded with "shit" he stropped off in a sulk and went back to bed. Came out again at mid day to see if I was still "in a mood" and stormed off back to bed when I just looked at him. He does this all the time, just goes to bed. We have 3 dcs under 10, ive spent the day running around after them and he's been in bed all day. Apparently its my fault for ruining his weekend with my bad mood. And now he's depressed. Im getting really fed up. Does anyone elses dp just retreat when they feel you're not being attentive enough?

Anyone?

Eh, no.

He sounds very selfish and immature. Why do you put up with it?

I know he's emotionally immature. What can I do about it? Dc's adore him, and I do too when he's not being a twat.

Well, he's being a twat.

So it's not my fault? I feel like I'm responsible for his happiness. Which I know is silly, as he clearly doesn't feel responsible for mine! Not that he should be

Nope. It's all hands all deck here when DC is sick. Sloping off to silk sounds like an excuse to be a lazy arse.

We did used to get snippy and grumpy with each other. Lack of sleep is terrible. But he'd always be there if the overnights were bad.

Yours sounds shit.

I'd be furious if my DH turned out to be such a lazy, disengaged, selfish arse. A weekend in bed for no reason, when there is a family to hang out with is deeply unattractive.

It is not your fault. It is his.

Of course it's not your fault. He has responsibilities as a parent. Tell him to man the fuck up and get out his bed or leave.

I've never heard of someone doing this. He's selfish, self absorbed, and yes a total twat. You have every right to be pissed off.

If my husband had tried to pull this shit, he'd have tried it once.

Do you just let him hide in his pit undisturbed whilst you do everything? When he spoke to me in the morning I'd be telling him that as I was up half the night I'm off to bed whilst he looks after the DCs.

You have 4 DC not 3, Heartshaped

He communicates by sulking and huffing, you communicate by being too soft on him and being in a bad mood because you resent him having a good nights sleep and burying his head in the sand.

On what planet does he think he can father 3 DC but have no hand in their upbringing at night. He shouldn't get to cherrypick the nice bits of parenting.

Get him to start taking turns, don't let him off the hook.

Pick your moment in and around the hecticness of family life to tell him things must change. Hoik up those big girl pants, you can do it. Calmly, and strongly. No raised voice. It works!

Stop enabling him. Stop allowing him to act as if he were a teenager. If you've had a rough night he takes over for a few hours and looks after the kids and the house. While you rest. That's what men do when they love and care for their partner

No.

And I wouldn't tolerate a relationship like that.

Life is too short to be a door mat.

Show him this thread. He needs to see in black & white what a total selfish, childish knob he is

God, no- showing selfish manchildren threads which puncture their narcissism is seldom a good call.

OP why do you choose such a life for yourself?

I don't want to choose this life
I just want him to grow up and co parent. He's adamant that as he funds our life, its up to me to parent the children

When he went to bed at 7.30 did you express surprise? Could you tell him that’s ridiculous and he should be engaging with the family on a Saturday evening especially if somebody is ill.

No not normal behaviour.

He's adamant that as he funds our life, its up to me to parent the children
Well that makes a difference - can you go back to work?
Or tell him he can fund the children living alone and seeing them just at weekends if he wants as that suits you better.

Send the kids into the bedroom. He can do homework with them

HeartShapedBooks

Of course it's a choice.

You can't force a man child to grow up.

You chose to live with this man and bear his children.

Was that not a free choice?

I know you want him to grow up and co parent.

What if he won’t? It doesn’t sound as if he has any inclination at all to do this

Your dcs may adore him but I don’t think he has a proper emotional connection with them or you otherwise he wouldn’t act like this.

Your "d"p "funding" the family does NOT absolve him of being a parent ffs!
It makes no difference.

It took 2 people to make your family he should absolutely be acting like he is part of it. He's a lazy bastard! God just reading the op has given me the rage!

If you’ve already got three children and he is adamant it is just his role to provide, then he’s not likely to change is he? Presumably he was like this when you had baby no 1.

If he won’t change then you have a choice - put up with it or end it.

He's not interested in being a parent
Ltb

Actually, I'd rather DH would butt the fuck out when the DC are sick. He does all the cleaning up, doesn't want me in the way, but shouts and swears while doing it, managing to upset everyone.