Well no, of course this isn't normal. When he leapt up in the morning and you said the evening was shit, that was his cue to say, 'ok no, well you have a rest now, I'll take over until lunch time'.
I think you hit the nail on the head when you said he doesn't take any responsibility for his own happiness, let alone other people's. That's what he needs to change, by himself or with therapy.
It really sounds as though he's looking for excuses to feel down and withdraw. A depressed person can do that - if they set themselves up as a passive receptacle of feelings following from external events. Then almost anything can prompt feelings of sadness and inadequacy - which are perfectly real but which could have been avoided. Once that mental switch has been flipped it's hard to 'un-flip', it's a slow process. But he could easily have avoided it 'flipping', with a different attitude and simple techniques.
It's the classic 'smile and you feel happier' and 'being too busy to feel down' approach, that if you get on and do the positive, useful thing - automatically, without stopping to examine your feelings - you gradually start to feel positive and useful. (Yes, easier said than done with serious depression but works with milder versions and is a healthy habit to get into, whenever possible).
Has he tried CBT? That focus on simple behavioural fixes, rather then introspection might help.
I don't want to make any of this you fault or responsibility, it isn't. But, as a coping technique, could you focus on 'doing' not 'feeling', so instead of saying 'I had a shit night' (from which he will take guilt and blame), say, 'not so good, could do with a rest, could you take the kids and do x, y, z'? (Yes, you shoudln't need to give him 'to do lists' like he's a helpless child but, since he isn't going to transform overnight into someone domestically competent and responsible, it might focus his attention on 'doing' not 'feeling').
Counselling for you is a separate thing.
Oh and the 'I work so you have to do everything else' line, coupled with deliberately placing obstacles in the way of you working, is a pretty clear message isn't it. He doesn't want the family to have more money, or the opportunities and lifestyle that could bring. Providing well is not what this is about. This is about power and control. In this household, he is the voter, you are not enfranchised - and he isn't about to give you the vote when you might use it to disagree with him about who has to get up in the night, or clean the toilet!
(next installment... as the reality of you working looms closer, he'll tell you you need to fund a cleaner, even if that and childcare wipe out all your wages, or more. Never mind whatever extra-curriculars your income could have afforded your DC, what's important is that he doesn't have to lift a finger domestically. The bottom line is that he is selfish, lazy and holds a fundamental belief that home and children are women's work).