That is entirely destructive, not only to my marriage and family, but to my mental health as well (yes, I realise this is where least sympathy lies, but I do wish to be a good mother to my DC and I need to be well mentally to do that). The affair has gone through an intense emotional phase (over the last 1+ years) and now is stripped down to just hooking up for sex really. The other man basically calls the shots, and no part of his character is attractive to me in the least at the moment as he gives me nothing. But typically I yearn for his contact and respond to him and obviously provide him with the ego boost that he wants.
I do not want to add details about my marriage, and my DH at present aside to say that he is aware of some of this. I am also aware of how much hurt I have caused him.
I need to figure out why I am doing this and put a stop to my behaviour. I feel like I am in self-destruct mode. I need to find some respect for my marriage and myself. Please give it to me straight. I am particularly interested in those who have been through similar or who have been in limerence with someone and have managed to break away.