wow, I find myself understanding alot of what people have had to say here.
I have never posted here before but am wrecked with anguish right now over a similar situation.
I am single mum with 2 children. Seeing a married man for roughly a year and a half. I knew he was married when we met and to be honest was pleased that this would not get too serious.
It did.
His wife found out last Christmas and he ended it, lasted roughly two months.
We have been open in so much as he said he would never leave his wife and that this would end at some point. We talked about it.
I have always considered myself single and never turned down a date. This Christmas I did become involved with someone else. It was not what i wanted, it was what i needed to do.
November saw a very painful time for me losing two members of my family, re-uniting with others after many many years (which didn't go well) and realising just how alone I was. Not lonely, but so very alone.
This man was my rock, day and night, half a world apart. There were times when i cried till i fell asleep on the phone and he just listened.
Alot of thinking while away and I decided I was ready for a proper relationship, and all it involved. NOt something i ever in a million years thought would happen. I shared all of this with him, he said he understood and however much he didn't want to encourage me into another relationship he thought I should try to find what i really wanted.
It took 3 years to get my divorce, it was my decision, it was hell.
I do not regret it. I look at my children and I know that whatever happens, allowing them to grow up in the home they were in was wrong wrong wrong and that I would be unable to live with myself knowing the damage it would have caused them.
That is what keeps me going.
Back to the subject at hand, he had been in a relationship for 20 years, married around the time we met (roughly a year and a half).
He has no children, not that it is going to make it any easier.
I don't know what is going to happen, he wants to talk, the feeling is all good. He has poured his heart out via text over Christmas. It has been lonely and painful for both of us.
I never expected this and I'm scared to death. the fear is immense. Fear of hurt for my children and for me.
I don't think either of us realised just how much we had become a part of each others lives.
Your posts here helped immensely and I wish to thank all of you.
I guess my biggest fear is that after everything else I don't have the energy emotionally to do this or to survive another break up.....
and I am painfully aware of the damage we may cause.
What happens next, I don't know. What it is he needs to say, I guess I will find out in a day or two.