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Original poster

If you could ruin it for ex and OW, would you?

106 replies

Sharkirasharkira · 31/10/2018 20:12

It's a very long and complicated story but the short version is that ex dp (of 5 years) and I broke up a few months back.Technically he didn't cheat but he must have had his new one lined up as she moved into our home less than a week later, leaving me essentially homeless.

He has continued to message me for sex, ask me for nude pictures, etc. I'm not proud of it but I have done anything and everything he wanted because I love him and I'm a fucking idiot. So he has been cheating on her their entire relationship.

I'm getting to a point now where enough is enough. I am broken and depressed, I have no dignity or self respect left. I can't heal or move on. But the thought of him being happy with her and them laughing at me and how pathetic I am just rips me to shreds.

I have maintained so far that to tell her and everyone about what he has been up to would just lower me and it wouldn't help me hurt any less therefore it wouldn't be worth it. I'm really trying to be the better person and take the high road.

But the other part of me thinks 'fuck you, you giant shit, you deserve to be outted and have her and everyone else hate you for it when they find out what you really are'. Basically, it would be revenge, punishment pure and simple. I think I love him too much to hurt him though.

Has anyone done similar? Did it help? Or was it not worth it?

OP posts:
Cherries101 · 31/10/2018 20:16

Do it. Out him.

ViserionTheDragon · 31/10/2018 20:18

Yep, he needs to be outed.

Holdingonbarely · 31/10/2018 20:24

Yup I’d probably do it. But don’t do it if you think you’ll get him back. Just do it to put him.
Then walk away forever and find someone who is a lying cheating cunt to everyone in his life

Holdingonbarely · 31/10/2018 20:24

Out him

Holdingonbarely · 31/10/2018 20:25

Isn’t a lying cheating etc!! Fucking auto correct

Spanglyprincess1 · 31/10/2018 20:26

I didn't with my exh as tbh why bother?? Long run and three years later I have a gorgeous son n a new life. Block, delete n move on.

MrsTerryPratchett · 31/10/2018 20:27

I'd want to keep my laundry at home. And there will be those who say you were the OW while he was with her and using you. No one is coming out of this smelling of roses so I'd keep quiet.

The universe will sort him out eventually.

Agustarella · 31/10/2018 20:27

These men usually out themselves before long. But if it makes you feel better, why not.

donajimena · 31/10/2018 20:28

I did. Not nude pics but I did write to her. I didn't wait for the fallout (if there was any) and they went out for around a year after but did it make me feel better? Yes it bloody did.
People will say keep the moral high ground but if you honestly think it will bring some relief then why on earth not? Fuck the moral high ground. Think of yourself.

Wellfuckmeinbothears · 31/10/2018 20:30

If you can prove it, do it. Otherwise she’ll write you off as the jealous ex.

Cuckooclocks · 31/10/2018 20:31

Will it make much difference though? He will soon cheat on OW (again) and move onto someone else. As for her, if she is the type of person that would 1) knowingly be the OW and 2) laugh at “how pathetic you are” then let her waste her life on his fuckwit - don’t do her the favour of showing her what he really is. Let them get on with the crazy, you focus on your own next step in life.

22anddrowning · 31/10/2018 20:33

Helllllll ye

Careylisa · 31/10/2018 20:33

You have made an epic mistake in carrying on with the sex and the sexts, but I agree with above. You are a better person than this!
Delete, block and move on. There is a far better future for you ahead, whereas it will only be a matter of time until he moves onto the next yet again.

ThisIsWhatItSoundsLike · 31/10/2018 20:33

I wouldn't, she may choose to forgive him/ see you as the unhinged ex.
This way you don't come out looking good and it honestly won't make you feel better.
Plus he knows too what you did, I would hold it over him forever.
Once it's out it's a blessed relief, when it's hanging over you it's torture. Make him suffer and move on.
Def don't accept anymore of his messages

PersonaNonGarter · 31/10/2018 20:34

Don’t. So much better to know you can, but you didn’t.

Holdingonbarely · 31/10/2018 20:35

You do need to put the energy into getting this fucker out of your life.
Why aren’t you angry at him

InfiniteSheldon · 31/10/2018 20:36

So you are actually now the other woman you're as bad as she is, woman up! Keep your pants on, ditch the loser and find a better life.

MeteorMedow · 31/10/2018 20:36

He totally deserves it and I would out him SO hard!

Those commenting not to have fair points but it’s very easy to be the bigger person...until it’s you.

ThunderInMyHeart · 31/10/2018 20:36

Out him, but use it as a way to draw the line FOR YOURSELF.

Hit send. Never check for replies. Stop all thoughts about them in your head. Move on.

Ozziewozzie · 31/10/2018 20:36

Personally, I’d get revenge by telling him ‘not a chance, I’ve moved on to something far better’
He will hate that. He clearly doesn’t value you or ow or himself for that matter!!
Hit him where it hurts, smack bang in his ego.
Then close your door in his face permanently. By hanging onto him, you’re literally stopping yourself from firstly living yourself, but secondly from being happy with someone else.
By saying you moved onto something else, he will assume someone else. Let him think that but don’t say that......otherwise you’ll have to conjur up a man so you don’t look like a liar.,

If you and he had a ‘special connection, he’d still be with you. He’s actually being cruel to you. He will know full well he’s manipulating you as you still have feelings for him.

poppyseed2 · 31/10/2018 20:39

I had the opportunity to do this once, but given she had previously been the OW to my relationship I figured she deserved what she got and had revenge sex with him instead. They're married now. Not sure this counts as the moral high ground.

Oblomov18 · 31/10/2018 20:39

No.
You never should have continued, photos etc after he left.
So you ended up being the OW, basically.
You did wrong, but your anger now is mis-directed.

EnriqueTheRingBearingLizard · 31/10/2018 20:40

I think I love him too much to hurt him though
God he's messed with your head you poor thing Flowers

Right now you only need to think about you. Think about the short window of satisfaction exposing him and measure that against the fallout you'll have to deal with. Will you be believed? will he come up with all kinds of excuses and explanations? will she care?

Personally I'd put him right out of my life, re-garner my self respect and move on. Leave them to sort out their own future messes, because you know their lives won't be smooth running even if you keep quiet.

mooncuplanding · 31/10/2018 20:41

He'll worm himself out of it and leave you with a load of drama in the meantime

Gather yourself, block and start getting on with your life

SillySallySingsSongs · 31/10/2018 20:42

No. It never ends well.

You never should have continued, photos etc after he left.
So you ended up being the OW, basically

^ technically this is correct. You were also the OW.

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