If you could ruin it for ex and OW, would you?

[Sharkirasharkira]

It's a very long and complicated story but the short version is that ex dp (of 5 years) and I broke up a few months back.Technically he didn't cheat but he must have had his new one lined up as she moved into our home less than a week later, leaving me essentially homeless.

He has continued to message me for sex, ask me for nude pictures, etc. I'm not proud of it but I have done anything and everything he wanted because I love him and I'm a fucking idiot. So he has been cheating on her their entire relationship.

I'm getting to a point now where enough is enough. I am broken and depressed, I have no dignity or self respect left. I can't heal or move on. But the thought of him being happy with her and them laughing at me and how pathetic I am just rips me to shreds.

I have maintained so far that to tell her and everyone about what he has been up to would just lower me and it wouldn't help me hurt any less therefore it wouldn't be worth it. I'm really trying to be the better person and take the high road.

But the other part of me thinks 'fuck you, you giant shit, you deserve to be outted and have her and everyone else hate you for it when they find out what you really are'. Basically, it would be revenge, punishment pure and simple. I think I love him too much to hurt him though.

Has anyone done similar? Did it help? Or was it not worth it?

I think that if your motive was kindness to the fact this new woman is being cheated on by her partner then yes, but to ruin this for your ex makes it a devious, calculated and mean revenge I'd say rise above it, you sound better than that and move on xx

My cousin did!

She found out her OH was cheating.
When he came back to get his stuff, she got him into bed, took a pic and sent it to the OW 😂😂

@Ffiffime my friend called the OW while the two of them were DTD, and it recorded on her answering machine.
It didn't break them up though.

OP, do you have any good friends? A similar thing happened to me in my first serious relationship. I was absolutely heartbroken. My friends rallied around me, took my phone off me, fed me, even the bouncers where I worked on a night wouldn't let him in (I didn't know this for ages). He even pretended he had cancer in an attempt to win me back. I had to look him in the eye and tell him I didn't love him anymore, before he started to leave me alone (it was a complete lie but I just knew I needed to start over).

These men are dickheads. Not long afterwards, I met my lovely DH and we have been married 16 years. He is very respectful.

You deserve so much more than this. 

If you outed him and people / OW didn't care, how would you feel? I can totally understand your temptation to do this and I don't think you'd be wrong at all, but you should weigh up the risk to yourself first of what impact it could have on you if it doesn't go as planned.

I'm sorry you're having such a shit time of it. He sounds like an arse and you deserve better.

Send a text saying:

Just to let you know I've had to go to teh GUM clinic, they have asked me to contact anyone I've been intimate with for a check up.

Then walk away.

I thought the same as WeeWheels- if you say anything, he’ll release the photos of you as revenge. In fact I wouldn’t be surprised if he asked for them as ‘insurance’ , rather than actually wanting the photos, so that he holds a threat over you.

It’s understandable that you are devastated by what’s happened, but the way you are responding to his appalling behaviour puts you in a terribly vulnerable position.

Even if he did come back, there would be no epiphany, no regret or begging for forgiveness, no new leaf. You’d be signing up for years of this, rather than moving on and building a happy life among people who love you.