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Original poster

If you could ruin it for ex and OW, would you?

106 replies

Sharkirasharkira · 31/10/2018 20:12

It's a very long and complicated story but the short version is that ex dp (of 5 years) and I broke up a few months back.Technically he didn't cheat but he must have had his new one lined up as she moved into our home less than a week later, leaving me essentially homeless.

He has continued to message me for sex, ask me for nude pictures, etc. I'm not proud of it but I have done anything and everything he wanted because I love him and I'm a fucking idiot. So he has been cheating on her their entire relationship.

I'm getting to a point now where enough is enough. I am broken and depressed, I have no dignity or self respect left. I can't heal or move on. But the thought of him being happy with her and them laughing at me and how pathetic I am just rips me to shreds.

I have maintained so far that to tell her and everyone about what he has been up to would just lower me and it wouldn't help me hurt any less therefore it wouldn't be worth it. I'm really trying to be the better person and take the high road.

But the other part of me thinks 'fuck you, you giant shit, you deserve to be outted and have her and everyone else hate you for it when they find out what you really are'. Basically, it would be revenge, punishment pure and simple. I think I love him too much to hurt him though.

Has anyone done similar? Did it help? Or was it not worth it?

OP posts:
Orange6904 · 31/10/2018 20:43

No, I would just leave them to it. If they met by cheating I'm sure it will all work out in the end for them.

PrettyLovely · 31/10/2018 20:47

Do whatever will make you feel better.

usernshfjsndj · 31/10/2018 20:48

Definitely out the arsehole

WinterSunglasses · 31/10/2018 20:51

Yes, do it. Heknows anyway and she did the same so can't feel superior. But as Thunder said, use it to draw a line under it all.

MaisyPops · 31/10/2018 20:52

Do whatever you need to do to help you move on.
Do not do anything if you're even a tiny bit hopeful that you can rekindle the relationship because if she ends it is put money on him coming grovelling for another chance with you.

LizzieBennettDarcy · 31/10/2018 20:52

Walk away with your head held high.

He'll carry on cheating on her. Let her learn the hard way.

Don't drop to his level, you'll regret it.

dangerrabbit · 31/10/2018 20:53

Nah I’d leave it so she continues having a relationship with him and then gets her heart broken even more badly down the line

dontalltalkatonce · 31/10/2018 20:53

Out him. Then ghost the fuck out of him.

MadeForThis · 31/10/2018 20:55

Do it

teenagerparent · 31/10/2018 20:56

I did this, I told her she chose to believe him anyway even with texts/emails to prove what I was saying. They are together still a few months later, but she won't let him go anywhere on his own as she doesn't really trust him. And me? I finally realised he is a complete arse and am so much better off without him.

insideorout · 31/10/2018 20:56

YANBU

inlectorecumbit · 31/10/2018 20:58

Tell her- you could add in that you can no longer live with the guilt of being the OW and that she is welcome to him.....

Then ghost

Angelcd · 31/10/2018 21:00

He does deserve it but no i wouldnt do it , i think after u would regret it
A friend of mine did this & it blew up in her face ,so do think before u do anything.
To me you are better than lowering yourself to his level xx

Original poster
Sharkirasharkira · 31/10/2018 21:05

I absolutely have proof. Screenshots, Pictures, videos, the lot. Plus he is on a dating site I am on so I can see he has visited recently. He is being such an arsehole, and completely unrecognisable from the man I loved 

I'm 99% sure she would not stay if she found out, he's nearly been caught out once and I actually HELPED him cover his tracks!! I'm a pathetic lunatic!!

But I am so torn.

On the one hand I think it might help to know that at the very least he is alone and miserable too like I am. It would fuck things up for him work wise too since he works with her. I think to myself that he deserves to be left in the shit because he sure didn't care one iota when he basically threw me out of our home to move her in - all my stuff was there, I had literally a bag of clothes to my name and was sleeping on a friend's sofa.

She knew exactly what she was doing and didn't care one jot about me either so I don't give a shit how she feels. I am furious with him but her I just don't care about at all.
I didn't even get to say goodbye to his son who I've watched grow up for 5 years. He introduced her to his son after 1 day, no one even knew we'd broken up until he showed up with his new teen girlfriend.

On the other I think of all the pain it would cause him, and I think of his stupid face and how it would look when he realises it is all falling apart for him and it hurts me to think of him like that, and to know that I caused it all. And I can't bear it.

He has already told me that if they break up he will come back to me and I so desperately want that to happen despite how much of a shit he is. But I'm not a fucking consolation prize! I'm not second best or a last fucking resort when no one else would have you!! I haven't said anything so far because I do still have a sliver of hope but if I lost that then I would have nothing left to lose.

OP posts:
Holdingonbarely · 31/10/2018 21:08

From what you’ve just said I would 100% step away from all of this.
You’re not in the right place to deal with this. I totally understand why you ended up back with him, but you’ve got to work on yourself.
Why do you think you want this man back.
Where is your anger towards how he’s treated you?
Do you want to love a man who can do this to you?
You need to get out now. And stay out,
No good will come from this, because you’re doing it for the wrong reasons, and it’s not revenge

Thebluedog · 31/10/2018 21:17

After what you’ve just said I think I’d take the moral high ground and fuck him off completely. But by the sounds of things you’ll take him back and be his consolation prize. With this in mind you might as well drop him in it and deal with the fall out, tbh you’re the other woman now and chances are it’ll become a competition between you and the ow fighting over him - heaven knows why Mind you

Duchessgummybuns · 31/10/2018 21:24

I wouldn’t but I like my ex to think that I would, so I’ve told him to keep his fiancée (the one that stayed of numerous OW) our of my bloody way because I could potentially ruin his sad little life with what I know.

BedraggledBlitz · 31/10/2018 21:27

I was in this position and opted not to. It was very tempting as they were getting married and the ow had been an utter shit.

In my case I'll have to see him for next few decades due to DC so creating further animosity isn't a great idea.

I'll let her find out for herself what a shit he is.

I quite like having the info in my back pocket for emergencies though!

BarbarianMum · 31/10/2018 21:38

So you tell her.
She leaves.
You get back together with him.

And then what? Will you live happily ever after do you think? He just cheated on you and threw you on the the street.

DarklyDreamingDexter · 31/10/2018 21:59

I'd send her the screen shots and say 'You're welcome to him. Enjoy.'

croprotationinthe13thcentury · 31/10/2018 22:53

Don't out him. Just tell him u are going to via post, some time in the next 12 months. Let the bastard sweat for a year.

Original poster
Sharkirasharkira · 31/10/2018 23:23

@BarbarianMum oh no if I outed him he would hate me for 'ruining his life' and would probably never speak to me again. It would burn every bridge I have with him so I'm under no illusions that we would end up together if I told on him. Unless I could somehow convince his new gf not to tell that it was me who told her but I doubt that would happen.

Either way I KNOW logically that he is a piece of shit and I deserve better but it's just at the moment I'm having a hard time convincing my heart the truth.

OP posts:
Holdingonbarely · 31/10/2018 23:29

Op you can say that out loud to yourself. But subconsciously you’re clinging onto hope. That he will walk out. Realise he still loves you. Forgive you and come back.
It’s your brain in full survival mode. Trying to not have to deal with the pain of loss.
I can safely say that because you are NOT angry.

Purpleisthenewblue1 · 31/10/2018 23:31

Just save it all as wedding present. Then wrap it all up in a pink box with a bow.

Likeshyt · 31/10/2018 23:36

“Shag his best mate, brother or da” is a common phrase used in such circumstances where I’m from (the bottom
Of the barrel). Revenge is best served with you picking yourself up, brushing yourself off and finding someone WORTH IT xo

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