If you could ruin it for ex and OW, would you?

[Sharkirasharkira]

It's a very long and complicated story but the short version is that ex dp (of 5 years) and I broke up a few months back.Technically he didn't cheat but he must have had his new one lined up as she moved into our home less than a week later, leaving me essentially homeless.

He has continued to message me for sex, ask me for nude pictures, etc. I'm not proud of it but I have done anything and everything he wanted because I love him and I'm a fucking idiot. So he has been cheating on her their entire relationship.

I'm getting to a point now where enough is enough. I am broken and depressed, I have no dignity or self respect left. I can't heal or move on. But the thought of him being happy with her and them laughing at me and how pathetic I am just rips me to shreds.

I have maintained so far that to tell her and everyone about what he has been up to would just lower me and it wouldn't help me hurt any less therefore it wouldn't be worth it. I'm really trying to be the better person and take the high road.

But the other part of me thinks 'fuck you, you giant shit, you deserve to be outted and have her and everyone else hate you for it when they find out what you really are'. Basically, it would be revenge, punishment pure and simple. I think I love him too much to hurt him though.

Has anyone done similar? Did it help? Or was it not worth it?

Honestly blocking him in every way possible in real life included is the best first step you could take.

Next give yourself a mini makeover - not because I think you need it but it will give you a boost, try a new hair colour or style (nothing drastic though a shade or two different to usual a different way of styling eg change parting)

Next get in touch with friends old and current and organise some fun days and nights out where you can be pretty sure he WON'T be don't go to old haunts!

Consider trying for a promotion or doing a work related course or even a non work related one!

Keep talking and getting support on here but focus on YOU!

The sex thing rings a bell with me too - 2nd wife apparently won't do certain things I enjoyed that's what triggered him asking for "one last x before I marry her"!

He is not worthy of you - of anyone in fact! Find your anger and see him for the dirty heartless bastard and shit father he is!

The sex thing actually makes me feel a bit physically sick. If someone came up to me and said, the woman I am with won’t (insert details of your choice) but you will. I wouldn’t think yippee. He thinks more of me, he must still love me. I’ll go for it.
I would bet he thinks nothing of me, other that I can do grubby stuff his current partner won’t.
Literally how low do you want to sink

With the greatest respect OP, if you were my friend I’d tell you to pull yourself together and block him. You are being used. Have some self respect. The advice on here is really good. Please listen. You are worth more than this.

Move on. Get happy. Tell him to fuck off. Then when you feel strong...do it. Not because you want him but because you want him to suffer.

You do realise he is lying. If she is such a dick AND shit in bed and you are so much better......why is he with her and not you?

He is talking bullshit, so that you carry on sleeping with him.

I dont believe bedroom thing. He is using it to make you feel better about the whole sordid thing.
You’re both as fucking bad from what i can see.

Yes, clearly I am as bad as a man who left me homeless, cheated on me (before) and moved another girl into our home after less than a week 

Obviously

The sex thing is irrelevant really, it doesn't matter if it's true or not I would have done it even if he hadn't said it. I don't really care if it's true I'm just desperately trying to climb to any semblance of a connection I can have with him. I'm just a fucking pathetic idiot who has no spine and can't say no to him 

She has the right to know that the man she’s fucking is fucking someone else. Even if you tell her for the wrong reasons.

Plus he’ll never speak to you again, so it’s a handy way of getting rid of him and making sure you never sleep with him again.

Revenge is sweet, don’t let anyone tell you it’s not.

You are the OW. Sounds like you are both victims to this bellend. The cant say no to him, seriously what a load of bollocks. Are you incapacitated or something? Ridiculous.

I think you need to sort out in your head whether or not you want him back - from your posts, tbh, it sounds like maybe you do - he can't 'come back' unless you let him, after all.

OP you sound like you need help IRL. Do you have access to therapy or someone that you can talk about this that would help you stick to the right track?
It doesn't sound like you are able to look after yourself at the moment.

Out him

I don't really care if it's true I'm just desperately trying to climb to any semblance of a connection I can have with him

You don't have a connection. He is lying when he says she is shit in bed and doesn't do the things he wants. Its a lie to make you think there is a connection.

The fact that you came on here, means that a tiny part of you does want to stop this. You know deep down this is very bad for you.
How old are you op

I would block. If you cause problems for him, even though he really does deserve it, I would worry he would turn nasty, and those photos you sent would be made public. Nasty to think, but he could.

That does worry me too @WeeWheels72, although legally that is revenge porn and he could be prosecuted, that doesn't help me much when all the pictures are on Facebook! He is quite a spiteful sort of person so I think if I did 'wrong him' like that he might look for revenge.

I think I was right in the first place and I don't think it's worth it. It wouldn't make me feel better really, I would feel just as bad about the situation afterwards and then I'll feel guilty and like a terrible person too.

I'll just let karma fuck him up, if he keeps messing around then it'll happen eventually even without my help.

It feels ridiculous because I've been through so much shit, especially in the last few years, and I've never resorted to medication so far - but lately I feel like I'm going mad, I have these kind of frantic, emotional outbursts where I feel like my head is going to burst and I just can't cope 😞

Thinking about asking for antidepressants, just to level me out and help me heal. I'm just scared of ending up reliant on them.

Perhaps short term medication is not a bad idea. You need to feel a bit level, and feeling manic is going to send you over the edge.
Stop seeing and talking to him, he is basically destroying you as a person.
Is this the person you want to be?

Medication is not necessarily long-term. It is a tool that you can use to help you cope, if you want to look at it that way.
I currently suffer from anxiety for reasons that I am well aware of and cannot make go away at the moment.
I am on medication but expect that as the situation resolves itself, I may be able to stop taking it, under the advice of my GP.

Anti-depressants don't work like that.

I once had them described to me by a dr as akin to having a plaster cast. Protecting the injured part of you to give it a chance to heal, then even when removed you slowly build up using that part again and then you're fine.

Chat with dr could help.

I hate myself for allowing it and for loving him still, despite everything. I want to just crawl into a hole and die hibernate until the feelings are gone

This isn't love. It's something, but it sure isn't real love. Real love isn't this hellish and you deserve much, much better.

The only way through this is ... through it. Biting the bullet and not engaging with him any more. The feelings are hell, but you need to ride them out if you want to become stronger. Otherwise you'll be a prime target for falling into this trap again.

And don’t hate yourself
None of this is your fault

If I could I would.

She ruined my life.

Karmas a bitch.

The biggest punishment is to leave him for good and let her keep the idiot.

You deserve better than this and no amount of revenge will make you feel better.

Antidepressants don’t protect you while you heal - that’s entirely fanciful, they just alter your brain chemistry.